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Help with child maintenance

(6 Posts)
frogsfromrumrah Thu 23-Jul-15 07:46:19

My husband has been paying maintenance for several years for a child he has no contact with (out of choice) a result of a one night stand just before we met.
The parent and her family who are respectable types insisted he was the father, and being a kind and decent bloke he has paid duly for years without question and he never demanded a DNS test.

The parent recently contacted us to advise my husband is not the Father so she won't be demanding further money.

We are devastated because we have striven to pay for ivf to have a child of our own and having had one child we have had only been able to afford one because of the maintenance and so my husband had the snip and my frozen eggs were destroyed. I've had to work so hard to keep things together and our small roof over our head and now I feel we've been defrauded of thousands.

This woman says she can't pay the money back. When the dust settles what should our next steps be. I'm devastated how this woman's lies have affected our life. Thanks for any replies.

Penfold007 Thu 23-Jul-15 07:52:49

DH needs to take legal advice, a formal DNA test should be carried out to determine if he is the father or not. If he isn't then did she know that from the beginning? If so he may choose to take legal action.

frogsfromrumrah Thu 23-Jul-15 08:19:49

She had a formal DNa test because she has got together with the child's actual father. He wanted it confirmed. She clearly knew he was in the frame from the start, but probably decided she wanted my husband to be the Dad because back then he was fit, handsome and in a financially reliable career.

babybarrister Thu 23-Jul-15 16:17:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frogsfromrumrah Thu 23-Jul-15 21:31:38

Thank you for the link. However in our case there has been no 'enjoyment of the child' so there's not the same parallels with that particular case, but I will research. Thank you.
I think one of the key things I missed from my initial post is the fact that my husband was 'good' about the matter because he is Army and the woman's Grandfather was a retired senior member of the same regiment and he not only made telephone threats to my husband that he would ruin his career for what he had done but also accessed my husbands place of work and made direct threats there. Indeed, this persons acts have stilted my husbands career albeit injury has done worse in the recent past. But it was because of the threats that my Hubby just paid up as he just wanted a quiet life. I don't even know if the Grandfather is still alive but my Husband was too scared to even ask this woman to take a DNA test, he just wanted the matter to go away, he hid the matter away, internalised everything as a soldier does, and he did suffer mental health issues for a bit that I had to help him with.
Please any advice is welcome x

Stripeysocksarecool Thu 23-Jul-15 21:48:34

I think your DH should visit a solicitor. Although you say his case is not the same as the one linked to, there may well be some sort of claim he could bring against the child's mother. However, as the saying goes, you can't get blood out of a stone, so if she doesn't have any money or assets bringing a claim against her might be pointless. Good luck either way.

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