FINAL HEARING

[asylumum]

There has been shared custody between me and my ex partner for our 7 year old daughter which included overnight and midweek contact with her dad. Holidays were 50/50. In April my EX left the child in the house alone as punishment for crying for me. She phoned me and I Picked her up. Police said it was a safeguarding issue so I should not give him the child back. We went back to court Cafcass Officer said there should be no overnight contact but it can be reinstated in the near future. The judge wants me to state how I want the day contact to proceed ie which days of the week for how long and when overnight contact should be reinstated. Kindly advise me as am stuck especially that the summer holiday is nearby and I always take my kids for holiday. How can I split this.

[Collaborate]

Calm down. People can imagine what their own preferences would be, but that won't tell you what would suit you or your daughter.

He obviously won't have her for overnights at the start of summer, but could they be reintroduced towards the end? I simply don't know. No one on here could advise. Only you know what you do about your case.

[Collaborate]

Apologies for sounding like Michael Winner. Not my intention.

[titchy]

Is he near enough to just see her in the day? Can you suggest he goes on a parenting course before he gets overnight? Can the overnights start when she is back at school and just the mid week one - less likelihood of him leaving her alone. Does she like going?

[asylumum]

My daughter does not want to spend overnights at her dad's because even in the nights he leaves her alone. Despite this my Ex is insisting on overnight contact. . He says he wont have anything less than overnight contact. We live 15 minutes apart. Very Stubborn man he insists that he did not do anything wrong by leaving the child alone but disciplining her.

[asylumum]

Collaborate if you were in my shoes what would do you. I just want to get an idea

[meercat23]

At seven years old if he is leaving her alone in the house he is breaking the law I think. If he doesn't understand this then I cant see how you can allow overnight stays.

At the very least it would be only reasonable to insist that he can't have overnight contact unless he gives the court an assurance that he wont leave her in the house alone for any reason. If he is too stubborn to do this then he has to live with the consequences

[asylumum]

Thank you. The guy is stubborn.

[wafflyversatile]

So this isn't the only time he's left her alone?

Forget about the court and your ex for a moment. Ideally what would you want for the best for your child?

I think he needs to assure the court that he won't leave her alone again. It sounds like the court would support you in limiting contact. If he doesn't he doesn't get overnight contact and if he says he wants overnight or nothing then he can have nothing.

[asylumum]

Thank you very much for your responses. The points you have raised will help me put a statement together. Any more points are welcome.

[traviata]

She is 7? I would be tempted to say that overnights could only be reinstated when she is 12, at any rate when she is significantly older, so that even if your dickhead of an ex decides to leave her again, she might be able to cope.

Or say that overnights should only happen when she asks for them.

If your ex accepted that he had made a poor decision, and agreed that it wouldn't happen again, the overnights could resume much sooner - eg at some point during summer holidays. But he can't be trusted, by the sound of it.

[tracyreader]

Well done on raising a daughter who at age 7 knew to call you when that happened!

(I agree with what others have said here, if he's not willing to agree to never leave her alone in the house then no overnights until she's old enough to be left alone.)