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Will for keeping my children in the UK

(11 Posts)
Winkles31 Thu 11-Jun-15 23:46:36

Hi as strange as this may sound. I would like help or advice about if I die is there any kind of will or similar that can stop my partner taking my children out of the UK?.

I am not in any danger or at risk, it is a genuine concern and need to do for my piece of mind as for some unknown reason since my second child was born this has really eaten away at me.

The same question applies to if me and my partner dies is there a way I can stop HIS family taking them out of the UK?

I would like for my sister and her partner to have my children should anything happen and they have already agreed to this.

To explain things a little better I understand that it is probably natural should I go that my partner would probably find it easier to return home where he has support and family there with him to help.

But I have family here who too would want to help and as my children are English I would naturally want them to remain here.

Is there anything that can guarantee me this? Even with or without his acceptance?

I am willing to pay and go through legal systems if need be just I have no idea if such a thing exists or where to start finding out about it.

Not sure if it's relevant but they would be taken to one of two countries being 1st Romania and the 2nd Italy so both EU countries.

Many many thanks for any help and advice given.

Winkles ��

OccamsRaiser Fri 12-Jun-15 00:25:37

I'm afraid to say that I think your partner could move wherever he likes in the event of your death. Ultimately, as the remaining parent, if he decided that he would like to travel to somewhere where he had family support then there is little that can be done to prevent that. Generally unless there is a significant risk to your children from the proposed move, then there's no way to effectively prevent it.

I am assuming that you have discussed this with him? If not, you might want to seek some sort of comfort from him that he would ensure that your family would maintain their contact (face-to-face via travel arrangements and indirectly through phone calls/webcams etc)?

In the event of you both dying at the same time? It's very complicated - ultimately the decision will come down to the welfare of the child. The court tends to (quite rightly) have a view that the welfare of the child is paramont. You can both include provision in your wills for proposed guardianship of your children, and if your family are willing to assume guardianship then a court is unlikely to insist that they are 'uprooted' from their familiar circumstance.

LotusLight Fri 12-Jun-15 08:15:01

You cannot stop it unless he were such a bad parent your family could get a court order. Obviously depends,. If he might take them to Islamic State to start gun training or marry aged 12 UK social workers might well at the time let your family have the children instead. If it's just to Dubai or Paris it is going to be very hard to stop unless they are older teenagers who can make up their mind. You can draw up a "letter of wishes" saying you would prefer the children to be with your family for XYZ reasons (and also in your will you can state guardians if you were both to die). Actually ilt is one reason to marry people who are local as so many marriages with people abroad can lead to problems on divorce in particular with one parent wanting to take the children "back home" where they have "family support" and roots.

lostdad Fri 12-Jun-15 08:57:10

You can put whatever you like in your will. But it doesn't trump what is set out in the 1989 Children Act.

In the event of a dispute about what happens to your DC your will (with what you want) may well end up as a piece of supporting evidence by someone who wants the same as you.

At the end of the day though - any hearing that took place would, like any other child matters, use the paramountcy priniciple as it's guide.

JassyRadlett Fri 12-Jun-15 09:09:47

But I have family here who too would want to help and as my children are English I would naturally want them to remain here.

I can understand where you're comung from if you both die. We're looking at this the other way around - if we both die my parents, who live in my home country, will have guardianship. I trust them completely and they will act in the best interests of the children - including, based on their stage of schooling, keeping them in the UK either short or long term, and ensuring regular visits.

But if you were to die and your husband was left with the children, I think it would be awfully unfair to try to legally tie him to this country. If he's like me he may have mixed feelings about raising children here and get homesick from time to time. I can't imagine how I'd react if my husband had tried to tie me to this country in the event of his death. I don't know what I'd do if he died in terms of staying or moving, but if one of those avenues were closed it would make me resent the person who closed it, and probably fight doubly hard to have it reopened.

Fortunately he'd never do that, just as I'll never force him to move to my country.

Do you feel your husband's home country is inferior?

Athenaviolet Fri 12-Jun-15 09:12:45

If he's got pr you've signed away your rights.

Moreisnnogedag Fri 12-Jun-15 09:18:38

Athena that's an odd way of phrasing. I'm assuming he's the father so he is an equal parent - the OP hasn't relinquished anything, she didn't make those children in her own.

Op as others have said you won't be able to stop him. Is this an actual issue though? Has he said he would go back? I have family back home but there is zero chance I'd move back in the case of my dh death.

lostdad Fri 12-Jun-15 09:38:36

Athenaviolent `If he's got pr you've signed away your rights.'

Not true. One parent having PR (Parental Responsibility) doesn't diminish the others'.

AnyoneForTennis Fri 12-Jun-15 09:44:00

PR is extremely easy for any father to obtain anyway, so means very little in this case

A will also doesn't mean much where children are concerned

Penfold007 Fri 12-Jun-15 09:53:27

That sounds very controlling, what if their father wanted to dictate what you do with the children if he dies?

tracyreader Fri 12-Jun-15 10:12:57

I don't know if it would work in your situation, but I think you could create an incentive, if you have money to leave via your will.
Eg, set up a trust that pays him an annual figure as long as the kids remain in the UK, or that pays an annual figure as long as they talk with their grandparents on Skype once a month, or come back once a year for a holiday.

Obviously you'd want to word it in a positive way, as supporting him in keeping in touch with your family, or staying in the UK. Something like [warning, non-legal language! You'd want a lawyer to draw this up properly].

"The house is to be sold, and the proceeds kept in trust for my children, to be distributed when they reach age xx. The trustees may distribute money to cover my children's expenses. Also, if their father or guardian decide to remain in the UK, the trustees will pay £x thousand a year to their father or guardian as compensation for any loss of earnings, extra child care needed, etc."
Or, if there's less money involved "The trust can pay to cover the costs of holidays back to the UK to visit my children's grandparents, including air fares/accommodation, plus an additional £x thousand each holiday, up to a maximum of 2 per year, to their father or guardian as compensation for his efforts in maintaining contact with my family."

Obviously this would be expensive as the estate would have to pay the administration costs as well as the money to the father. And the father could just ignore the offer of money.

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