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Another will one, I'm sorry

(5 Posts)
MinimumPayment Sat 30-May-15 18:44:10

DH has been NC with his father for 10 years+. TBH we assumed he'd been written out of any will years ago and don't want/expect anything.

However, we have received a letter advising that DH is in the will, on the condition that he attends the funeral and that I am not to go with him.

This is typical of the kind of behaviour that lead to the NC in the first place and has upset DH a lot. He feels that he might want to go to the funeral "to make sure he's gone" but that to attend now will look like he's only gone for the money. He also feels he would like me there for support (which would apparently solve the just there for the money thing) but that it would look bad in the eyes of the other relatives (who I'm sure will have heard a very one sided version of events) if I go, against the express wishes of the deceased.

FIL hasn't died BTW, but it is apparently imminent. DH hasn't been asked to visit and doesn't want to.

There's a whole load of emotional stuff to work through, but I suppose my question FTB is are these kind of conditions in wills legal, enforceable, or commonplace?

MinimumPayment Sat 30-May-15 20:25:57

I know it's Saturday night, but anyone?

Mumblechum1 Sun 31-May-15 13:58:48

As a willwriter myself I do occasionally get a client who wishes to put something like this in their will. I always talk them out of it as

A. How on earth is it enforceable? Does it count if the estranged child attends the church but not the graveside? What if they make a 30 second appearance at the tea afterwards but not the church or the graveside? Are they supposed to register their attendance with someone? It's bonkers.

B. It is inevitably going to cause even more upset (as it is clearly already doing in your case).

It's hard to advise you what to do - it may be that your FIL left a letter directing exactly what counts as "attending the funeral".

So although I can't really give legal advice in this case because it is such a ridiculously woolly clause to put in the will, with my non legal hat on I'd say that if your DH feels that it would be the right thing to do he should go alone (possibly to support his mum if she's around?), but if his instinct is not to go then he shouldn't.

MinimumPayment Sun 31-May-15 15:16:38

Thanks Mumblechum.

I think it's almost certainly intended to cause upset so FIL wouldn't be persuaded against on that basis.

DH was also NC with late MIL and does have sister, who had just as many issues with both parents, but sided with her parents when DH went NC.

DH feels that if he goes without me his father will have had one last victory.

Hassled Sun 31-May-15 15:21:37

FIL won't have one last victory - he'll be dead, and your DH will inherit some of his money. So the reverse is true - seems to be your DH will have the last laugh. He should go - largely because he may well regret it if he doesn't.

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