Something fishy here ....

[Patchworkpatty]

Hi there, I am wondering if there is anyone here who knows about Wills and Probate. In 2009 My mother in law died in a nursing home. For 2 yrs prior to her death My dh was kept at arms length. Various reasons given not to visit , unwell , not convenient, etc , all passed on by dh's sis. Tbh dh wasn't close to dm lives 150 miles away and works all week . He would normally go and see her every 6 months or so but in last couple of years it was probably twice. Anyway dm died in 2009. We went to the funeral. At the after funeral do, one of dmil's neighbours said 'you'll all be in clover now ' I had no idea what she meant as dmil hadn't two pennies to rub together and lived in social housing prior to nursing home. Neighbour said - don't be shy , she told us about her lottery win '.... We had no idea. I told my dh and he asked his sister. She said the neighbours were batty shit stirrers. Dh just ignored it but I thought there might be something in it because I didn't think neighbours sounded batty... I made some enquiries and discovered that dmil was receiving Attendance Allowance whilst in the home. I know this only occurs if self funded , so called the home to confirm this. If was confirmed. The fees were £850 pw. quite a bit for a lady supposedly on only a 110 state pension.. Dh called dsis. She told him she had lied about the lottery win as dm had not included dh in her Will and didn't want to upset him. She said she had won about 60k and it had nearly all gone except about 3k which would be split between dh other two siblings and dsis (important to explain that dh is a late arrival in the family, his dsis is 23.yrs older and dh doesn't really know older brothers as they had grown up and moved abroad before dh was born ) . I was a bit at this as did had never fallen out with mother and although not close was no less close than the other two who didn't even live in county for last 45.yrs !!...the older three are however close to each other. I said to dh that she was lying, he said let it go. she's a money grabber , let her have the 1000 and hope she chokes on it. I don't want anymore contact with them.. This has never sat right with me, so I got sil to send a copy of the Will,, she prevarcated for a couple of weeks but when it arrived it was a diy Will. Dm name is spelt wrong and it just says 'I leave all my worldly goods, money and possessions to .... then lists siblings names. It's witnessed by somebody, not solicitor. It looks wrong...dh said drop it...it's not worth it.... sigh (!). ANYWAY ( well done for getting this far ) Today I went online to see how much the estate was actually worth but there has been no grant of probate. Dsis obtained POA when dm was senile ( I am pretty sure that's not allowed) and did have access to her accounts to 'pay her bills '. I seriously think that it was a big win. That older siblings conspired and cut Dh out and Dsis orchestrated it all. Dh is only close to one family member , dsis son, (dh nephews) who is same age and more like a brother. He hasn't spoken to his dm since dgm died. Won't discuss why...We haven't seen sil either so can't tell if she is rolling in loot... Is it my imagination ? can we do anything ? Why is there no probate. - I was a executor to a 5k Will and I needed it to get into bank accounts. ..? Is it all to long ago. Many thanks for making it to the end !.

[MadameJulienBaptiste]

Let it go. It was 6 years ago. Even a big win would be gobbled up in care home fees. If sil lived near mil she probably deserves that £1k especially dealing with a senile parent.
ifirst your husband isn't fussed then you need to wind your neck in.

[Shakey1500]

You can get POA if a relative has no or limited mental capacity. It's done through the courts. If probate wasn't applied for or granted it would suggest to me that SIL was added to the account making POA and probate unecessary anyway. Not sure where you would stand legally in finding out how much was in the account or contesting the will. But you can only take your husband's lead and as he's content to let it lie then so be it.

[bloodyteenagers]

You don't have to be self funded to claim attendance allowance. You can claim AA and other benefits on top.

But anyway what can you do? Nothing apart from respect your husbands wishes.

[Patchworkpatty]

Ok , you are all correct (except about the attendance allowance thing - that's my area, you absolutely cannot get AA if the government is funding your care home, it is only payable to self funders not top ups.) I will give it up, I just know it was a lot more than 3k left... why would mil be in a nh where she had to pay so much per week and was expected to live for many many years ? by sil reckoning they're would have been nothing left if she had lived another month plus government funding kicks in at least partially at 21,500... yet she was paying full whack. It just hacks me off that she has got away with this. Sil is a very dodgy character, jailed in the 80's for arson/insurance fraud . As the saying goes, it really isn't about the money.. it's that I know something was very dodgy... but guess there is nothing I can do to proove it. Btw the info about POA was interesting, I thought it ended when someone died didn't realize it continued after death.

[MrsCs]

I think if she had maintained a level of closeness that you and DP have been happy not to bother with it's a bit cheeky to show up hands out now with no real evidence she isn't telling the truth. Seems a bit distasteful really

[Shakey1500]

POA doesn't continue after death. What I meant was that SIL was probably added to MIL accounts. Making them joint accounts so both can access and share funds. So no need for probate. Doesn't stop a will being contested though. But I still maintain it's your DH's business really.

[Patchworkpatty]

MrsC's I really can't see your point. If for example sil had been close to mum, helped her in her old age etc I would understand, but that is not the case. Sil hadn't seen her dm in over 25 yrs until she attended dfil funeral in 2007. She was cared for by the neighbour who spoke to me at mil funeral. First we heard was that sil was back to care for mother was about 18 months before she died (and about the same time as the 'win'.) Whilst I agree that dh was not at all close (childhood abuse issues) the other 3 were probably even worse....