Divorce Adultery Assets

[Anne040204]

My husband and I have separated August 2014, he walked out to live with his other woman after 2 month affair. 3 kids 12, 15, 16 all in full time education.
At the moment he is paying half the mortgage and associated costs, endowment, insurance and minimum maintenance for our three children. We have nothing in writing but the mortgage money goes into my bank account monthly and maintenance weekly. So far so good but I would like something official in writing.
I work 4 days per week at the moment, have in the past worked three days when youngest came along, prior to that worked full time until 2003.
Mortgage is paid off in three years time.
My youngest is 12. If I file for divorce on the grounds of his adultery which he has admitted to all our friends and family, what will happen with the house ? Will I be forced to sell to give him his share ? Will he be entitled to 50% ? I could probably manage to take on the existing mortgage myself but what about me funding his share ?
If we were to sell, I would have to return to work full time to obtain another mortgage to buy another place for myself and the kids and not sure what we would end up with
He has a military pension after 22 years in the forces, I was married to him for 14 years of his 22 in the forces.
Could I bargain the house for taking nothing of his pension ?
I am 42 so still have lots of working years ahead.
I know that I need to see a solicitor but am concerned about the costs escalating, husbands has said that he has no money for a divorce at the moment but I know that he has shares that he could sell which would free up £5K. I inherited shares from my father when he passed away, does he have a claim on these ? He bought his shares from his pension lump sum and has taken his certificate with him, they may have already been sold.

Any initial advice from a family law specialist would be appreciated, Scottish Law btw

[STIDW]

I'm not a lawyer and there is no substitute for independent legal advice about your particular circumstances. If you are on a low income you may be eligible for legal aid.

I wouldn't worry about the actual divorce just yet. In Scotland there is only one divorce decree and the finances are normally settled before the divorce is granted. Most divorces are granted because of separation after one year with consent from the other spouse or after two years without consent. Adultery and bad behaviour are difficult to prove unless there is a written confession or evidence from a third party that sexual intercourse took place. Also alleging adultery or unreasonable behaviour can inflame matters making it more difficult and expensive to reach a settlement as well as damaging long term family relationships more than necessary. In any event the reason the marriage broke down has no impact on the finances.

Apart from gifts and inheritances any asset in sole or joint names accrued between the dates of marriage and separation form the matrimonial property. This is shared "fairly," usually 50:50 although allowances are made when a party has been economically disadvantaged by the relationship say because they gave up or downsized a career to care for children. Sometimes aliment or periodic allowances are appropriate to allow the recipient to readjust but normally they are paid for a maximum of three years after divorce.

The CM Options website has information and tools including a calculator for child maintenance. The section about conflict management is worth a read.

It is possible to defer the sale of the former matrimonial home. Otherwise one spouse can buy the other spouse out or in can be sold and the proceeds shared. Equity can be offset against pension but you need to be aware that the Cash Equivalent Value of a military pension may be under valuation, pension is apportioned according to the number of years contributions were paid during the marriage and there may be some discounting of the pension because a pension can't be turned into ready cash in the same way equity or shares can.

It's a good idea to see a family solicitor to find out where you stand and what options there are so you can negotiate from an informed position. Then you can try to reach an agreement between yourselves or with the help of a mediator which helps keep the costs down. A solicitor can then draft the agreement into minute of separation which is registered with theBooks of Council of Books and Session.