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It's hard not to feel bitter at unequal will split - please make your intentions clear before you die if you plan this

(42 Posts)
MaryShelley Tue 30-Dec-14 16:27:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 30-Dec-14 16:28:48

Do you mean £150 or £150,000?

Because I would argue that's a lot of difference at the top figure and quite a snub.

MaryShelley Tue 30-Dec-14 16:29:40

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notonyourninny Tue 30-Dec-14 16:30:21

As above, are we talking k or £

notonyourninny Tue 30-Dec-14 16:31:08

Only £150,000 thars alot not to get your share.

LineRunner Tue 30-Dec-14 16:33:49

Is there a house involved?

lunar1 Tue 30-Dec-14 16:34:01

That's horrible op. Could there be a reason? Has your sibling lent them money in the past that could explain it?

tribpot Tue 30-Dec-14 16:35:38

That's dreadful. And a pretty substantial amount of cash as well.

Was the unequal split due to something like the relative existing wealth of the two siblings, i.e. are you a millionaire (fairly sure you would have mentioned this) and therefore the 150K will provide substantially more benefit to your sibling?

Completely agree with you - if a parent plans to do this for some reasonably good reason, tell the children whilst still alive so they don't have to find out at a difficult time.

Storytown Tue 30-Dec-14 16:42:51

My Dad once suggested that my parents money should be left according to the greatest need. i.e. one sibling in stable relationship both partners working with a decent income, the other lurching from one crisis to another. Or, more extreme, one sibling has won the lottery and has no need of an extra £150k.

Trouble is wills are about so much more than the cash. It's your last message to your children, so yes, reasons might be perfectly sound but please explain them before you go.

MaryShelley Tue 30-Dec-14 16:50:13

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letsplaynice Tue 30-Dec-14 16:58:14

Sounds like they are repaying your sister for 'caring' so yes leave house clearing to her as well. This happened in our family my aunt had done a lot of caring but she loved playing the victim & wouldn't let anyone else.

Storytown Tue 30-Dec-14 16:58:54

If DSis did a lot of the caring and they took the view that she sacrificed things to do that, then perhaps they reasoned that this was a way of recompensing her, or maybe they were just grateful that she stuck around but as you say that should have been explained while they were still alive.

I'm not expecting to inherit anything. My parents are comfortably off but if they spend the lot or leave it all to charity, that's genuinely fine by me. If I get nothing because they leave it all to DSis, I'd be devastated. It's not your sister's fault though, don't fall out with the only family you have left.

mynewpassion Tue 30-Dec-14 18:40:54

She might've done more than "a bit of caring."

Maybe they and she knows that it will fall to her with taking care of things anyways.

Its fine to feel bitter. Do what you will.

MaryShelley Tue 30-Dec-14 19:36:24

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TendonQueen Tue 30-Dec-14 19:40:50

At least presumably you won't have your sister saying 'you hardly ever saw them and you've come out with the same as me'. Hard not to feel slapped in the face but you can walk away knowing you don't look grabby and can, in time, draw a line under it.

Viviennemary Tue 30-Dec-14 19:41:58

This is hurtful. You can either ignore it or have a massive fall out with your sister. Not sure what I'd do under the circumstances. You could contest the will I suppose. But if you are a lot better off financially than your sister is perhaps that's the reason for the unequal split.

TendonQueen Tue 30-Dec-14 19:42:26

Plus your sister's now got to sort out childcare which will be a shock - you haven't been reliant on it in the same way. People in her situation usually find it hard to come to terms with that in my experience.

reddaisy Tue 30-Dec-14 19:45:04

It is strange as well because your parents must have known it would drive a wedge between you and your DSis. I would want to pass knowing that my DC were on good terms.

Yikesivedoneitagain Tue 30-Dec-14 19:48:18

Can you think of any other reason why? It is such a clear message, I can't think why. What does your sister think, have you spoke to her about it?

MaryShelley Tue 30-Dec-14 19:56:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouthfulofquiz Tue 30-Dec-14 19:57:17

I would speak to your sister about it - then at least you can 'put it to bed' properly. It might mean you have a healthier relationship in the future.

Franke Tue 30-Dec-14 20:02:55

This must hurt. I completely that this not about money. It's such a strong but inexplicable message. You can't help applying the split of the estate to your parents' love for you relative to your sister. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you're having to deal with such conflicted feelings too. sad

greenfolder Tue 30-Dec-14 20:04:55

that is really tough op, could not agree more about leaving equally or explaining in full- i think its cowardly not to. If a parent said to me " i love you both the same but worry that Bella will never own a house/cope when i.m gone and you are fine financially so i'm leaving it to her" you may not agree but at least you would know. This happened in dps family- his dad and uncle did not speak for 30 years, only reconciling a few years before he died. he wanted nothing to do with his brother because he thought he should have been a better man and shared it.

Franke Tue 30-Dec-14 20:04:56

I completely understand that this is not about the money.

AugustaGloop Tue 30-Dec-14 20:09:57

It may be they think your sister needs the money more. I intend to make clear to my parents that they should not leave me anything - my siblings could use the money more. My parents may come to the same conclusion themselves, but I would rather say it expressly to avoid any uncertainty (and therefore hurt) as to why they might treat us differently.

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