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can anyone advise on child visitation please?

(5 Posts)
noideawhattoget Sun 28-Dec-14 20:46:26

awkward situation with ex and i dont know what to do.

we split 7 years ago. he was violent towards me one time to many and i kicked him out of my house. since then he has been intermittent at best with contact of our 2 dc's, makes plans and frequently changes them at the last minute, refuses to give dd1 her medication, feeds them junk food, massively favours dd1 over dd2, lets them stay up till all hours and is generally a prize twat. for example he bought a 9 year old with adhd a pair of hair straighteners for christmas.

i moved to a different town in the summer. we are now 12 miles from him. he is holding this against me at every opportunity, even though it was a council house allocation, and we had been waiting 6 years for one. if i had refused it could have been another year before we got offered anything else. and it was perfect for us anyway. i end up taking the dc's to him every weekend (apart from when he lets them down which is generally 1 out of every 3-5 weekends).

we take turns to have the dc's over christmas, and this year it was his turn. i took them to him on christmas eve, and i collected them on boxing day. my mum had to drive me as neither he or i can drive.

he offered to have them for new years eve. this was to be the first new year they had had with him since we split up 7 years ago. he just text me to say he cant have them. i am wondering if i am within my legal rights to say that if he cant have them alternate new years, then he isnt having them for christmas? i am just so sick of him letting them down. he pays no maintenance, messes them around frequently (at least once a month) and generally tries to make my life as difficult as possible.

prh47bridge Mon 29-Dec-14 00:18:41

Is there a court order covering contact? If there is you must go back to court if you want to make changes or he could ask the courts to enforce the order.

If there is no court order you can do whatever you want. However, if he takes you to court for contact the courts may think that you are being unreasonable and that preventing your children ever spending Christmas with him is an overreaction.

You can't do anything about how he deals with your daughters when they are in his care unless he is putting them at risk. His refusal to give your daughter her medication may interest the courts depending on the details. Intermittent contact with frequent last minute changes could be relevant so make sure you keep a diary. The other items (giving them junk food, favouring one daughter, allowing them to stay up late, etc.) are unlikely to be of interest to the courts.

caroldecker Mon 29-Dec-14 00:38:16

Also maintenence and contact are separate, so you cannot link the 2.

noideawhattoget Mon 29-Dec-14 11:55:04

no court order. i just dont see why i have to be the one doing all the giving when he wont give at all. they were at his for christmas this year, they didnt want to go, but i made them because it was his turn. the junk food is a worry because he doesnt feed them properly, 9 time out of 10 they miss breakfast and/or lunch and fill up on sweets instead. the medication is for her adhd, a condition which isnt being helped by all the sweets he gives her either.

caroldecker Mon 29-Dec-14 18:10:13

With no court order, you can do what you like. He can, however, go to court and they would likely give him some Christmas.

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