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Reasonable to suspend contact?

(4 Posts)
dingdongknockknock Tue 02-Dec-14 19:32:38

My exp took me to court for the DC to live with him. I have had Section 7 done and recommended DC Reside with me and carry on seeing their father supervised once a week for 2 hours, This is because he has refused extra sessions through working.

At the start he did well with contact (from my view), He bought DC presents, and DC1 said "I had fun" In SS eyes it was not good, He slept in often, had to be prompted to play DC, had to be prompted to show comfort. DC1 also showed some troubling behaviour but we persevered and it settled down.

When the S7 was completed contact went downhill. He had to be prompted to interact more. DC1 kept saying "I enjoy going to the park" He slept in more (blaming long working hours when we worked out he would have about 7 hours sleep the night before), he stopped giving DC money and buying them gifts.

A few months ago I told SW I was happy for DC to go and actually enjoy my free time.

Now this is where it went down even more.

Contact was stopped one week (5 mins before contact), The next week also suspended as he never contacted to say he wanted it, Then contact was reinstated, I asked what made the change of heart and found out it was as he had a new relationship. Next 2 weeks he never showed so DC were returned (DC travel 90mins each way to contact) The supervisors want to suspend contact.

I spoke to my solicitor last week (after first no show) and she said as contact is court ordered and I'm a few weeks away for final hearing she would strongly advised against suspending it.

I spoke to her again today and asked how many more chances do we need to give him? Again I was advised not to suspend.

This week when DC1 was returned she was very distressed. I believe he has had enough chances and his excuses are very weak (slept in, needs sleep, did ask for it be transferred to later in the day)

Would I be unreasonable to suspend contact? I believe everything is on his terms and it is starting to effect DC. I did want DC to have a good relationship with their dad but he's making it impossible.

What would happen if I did suspend contact and it was deemed unreasonable?

TooMuchCantBreathe Tue 02-Dec-14 20:30:41

Is it possible to get an emergency hearing?

Would the supervisor be prepared to put in writing that they want to suspend and why?

Would they be prepared to refuse to facilitate contact and put the reasons in writing?

Your solicitor is correct in that the more you do to support contact and the more he does to mess it up the better chance you have of a decisive final hearing - which could avoid your dc having to be upset in the longer term i.e. If they ordered weekly contact.

I would say you are totally reasonable to suspend contact but that you should consider the long "game". If you can arrive at a situation where a neutral third party invokes the suspension then that would be ideal as your hands are clean.

dingdongknockknock Tue 02-Dec-14 20:39:14

I'm at court in 2 weeks and its took 3 months to get here as we kept getting pushed back (ex partner also has not filed his statement which is 3 months late)

Contact is court ordered weekly already.

It's the Local Authority who supervisors contact and they have had enough. They were going to phone SW to see about it being suspended. I would prefer to have another party suspend contact but it always seems he says "I'll definitely be there" then it goes ahead again. It's been since I have said I enjoy the few hours He was abusive so now it seems he's messing with it so I dont get to do much in my free time.

TooMuchCantBreathe Wed 03-Dec-14 07:00:19

He sounds smashing! angry

If it's two weeks then I would definitely go with what the supervisor says, even though it is upsetting. Obviously check and check again that they really belive he'll be there explaining how upsetting it is for them (I know they'll know that but it always bears underlining).

If you weren't so far away I'd say insist he is actually on the premises before the dc set off but 90 minutes is a bit long for that.

Just grit your teeth and think of some extra fun stuff to do with the dc after. Presumably the supervisor is submitting a report to court?

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