Seperation Divorce

[Rhon33]

Hi Want to know anyone who may have gone through the same as me and how to do it.
I have been with my partner for 30 years 7 of them married. We have three children and 3 GC. We have a nice home in the country with horses, dogs, cats and chickens. We have our own company which since the recession turnover has decreased by half. As a result we have debts. I have just celebrated (if thats the right turn of phrase) my 51st birthday and for the last 5 years have wanted out of my marriage (there have been times throughout our life together that we have temporarily seperated when our children were younger but I always gave in as I was and still am very insecure) he is very good at the guilt trip and everythings my fault etc etc. I have spoken to a solicitor who suggests our only way out is to sell up. Easy solution you may think dilemma we will neither have enough money to start again I have no job as I work for he company so no way of earning anywhere enough to start again private letting is out as they wont take pets. Also there are the horses that belong to my children th only way they can afford them is because they are here (another guilt trip).
Would love to here from anyone who has had a similar situation.

[BlotOnTheLandscape]

Sorry to say, but it sounds like you have a choice about what is most important - you leaving or letting your children keep the lifestyle that you value for them.
If you have been together 30 years then is this something you can work at so you can stay together? It's a massive step/

[Greengrow]

How old are the children?
Is the business a limited company?
Do you both own 50% of the shares in the company?
What roughly is the amount of profit it is making if any or does it make losses?

In our case after 20 years I could remortgage the house to buy out my other half's 60% claim on our joint assets (we both work full time). That of course only possible because my income was high enough to get a £1m+ mortgage.

If you want to stay where you are and cannot afford to divorce lots of couples live together but are split up (although it can make dating hard) and others divide the house physically into two parts which can work well. I also know a couple where the husband is only home when the wife isn't - they have a rota and she has a separate flat elsewhere and he is often away on business. They are separated although the family country home remains as it was with grandchildren and children coming and going but the couple are never at the house together. Works for them.

[Rhon33]

Thanks to you both he suggested relate we are waiting for an appointment but I cannot see it will help as it have given up on the relationship where he threatens to leave but I know he won't. In an ideal world greengrow it would suit me but he continually pressuring me to change as the problems are mine not his all the problems with our relationship are mine and I need to sort it out I am hoping relate will make him see that there are faults on both sides maybe we will be able to find a solution where we can keep our home but live separately it could be possible maybe I could convert one of our outbuildings and move in there? he Is very unreasonable and nasty so hope that an intermediary will male him see we are over as a couple but may have no choice financially but to live in the same house many thanks it's a long shot but at least It's one solution that I would not have thought of and one I could live with

[Greengrow]

Good luck with it. I went to Relate on my own for one session and it did help. It made it very obvious I wanted a divorce. It was good.

[Antoniabegonia]

I was in the same position and posted on the relationships board which was very helpful for me.

I do not have the same level of housing and no dependent children, but H and I have a nice home and garden and I just wanted to be left in peace, do my own thing and enjoy our home and garden. But H was nasty in the extreme and I realised it wasn't worth getting more and more depressed just to live in nice surroundings.

I stayed with him for the sake of the children, which is I think what you are doing, so they could live in a nice area with good schools. I did it at the expense of my own happiness. Now however I have started divorce proceedings (children left home).

I can't advise you but I do know how much you are torn.