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Outed an affair.. is this illegal?

(112 Posts)
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly Sat 09-Aug-14 10:25:47

Sent a letter to the husbands wife telling her he was having an affair. the wife went round to OW house (I did NOT tell her where she lives) OW is now saying she's seeking legal advice and filed police reports.

From what I've been told the wife was rather pissed and went round there screaming and such!

Is this illegal? If so what can happen?

isthisanacidtest Sat 09-Aug-14 10:27:29

Why did you send the letter? Are you a wronged spouse?

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly Sat 09-Aug-14 10:29:54

Not what I asked.

But yes I am she has kids as do I, the person who did it has done it time and time again breaking up families including my own

isthisanacidtest Sat 09-Aug-14 10:31:11

Did you write the letter anonymously?

Dumpylump Sat 09-Aug-14 10:32:02

I think the affair reason is a red herring. If wronged wife was drunk, shouting in the street outside the ow house, and possibly using threatening behaviour, then yes, she has broken the law.
It might be understandable behaviour, but that is not the issue.
I don't understand why you felt it necessary to "out the affair". And it's a shame that possible consequences don't appear to have occurred to you before you sent your nasty little bombshell.

VanitasVanitatum Sat 09-Aug-14 10:34:09

She has potentially broken the law, you haven't unless you said things that were not true, if you have it's a civil matter not criminal.

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly Sat 09-Aug-14 10:34:37

Yes annon

I wasn't the one shouting in the street etc.. So if they're taking legal action against myself as I may not of have stated clearly then that's what I need to know.

My "nasty little bomb shell" she know was coming as I had told her about it

Deluge Sat 09-Aug-14 10:35:21

I doubt it will have legal implications for you. If the wife threatened the OW, then yes, she could be arrested.

What did you think would happen, though? You interfered in the lives of others, so you should expect some repercussions.

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly Sat 09-Aug-14 10:35:24


I've only spoken fact not fiction haven't made anything up etc, haven't given her her address etc

CoteDAzur Sat 09-Aug-14 10:35:47

So OW knows that you wrote the "anon" letter?

isthisanacidtest Sat 09-Aug-14 10:36:40

Nasty little poison pen letter and now someone else is going to get into bother over it?


CrocsAreJustPlainUgly Sat 09-Aug-14 10:37:02

Yes but she knew I was going to do it as have other family members

MrsDavidBowie Sat 09-Aug-14 10:38:58

You sound lovely op.

isthisanacidtest Sat 09-Aug-14 10:40:15

But the wronged wife you sent the letter to didn't know, did she? You imploded her world, she lost it and went round ranting etc and now she might have a criminal record.

You'd have been better going to the wife direct, face to face.

Or actually not getting involved at all.

I hope you're happy that your revenge is potentially getting someone else a criminal record - it's not the OW that most damage has been done to, is it?

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly Sat 09-Aug-14 10:41:54


The fact is you don't know what she has done to me or to other people, numerous times over. The fact that this is a long line of families she has already split up including my own or tried to wreck along her way.

So what you think of me doesn't matter!

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly Sat 09-Aug-14 10:42:49

Well if she didn't sleep with her husband then it wouldn't of happened full stop.

isthisanacidtest Sat 09-Aug-14 10:43:13

But you didn't think your revenge through very well did you?

It's not the OW whose life you have potentially wrecked - it's the other wronged wife !!

MuttonCadet Sat 09-Aug-14 10:46:09

The wife could get a criminal record, you can't go round to someone's house and start screaming and shouting. If the police are called it can get very serious.

basgetti Sat 09-Aug-14 10:48:06

An anonymous letter is bloody nasty. You have no idea how vulnerable she is, or how she may have reacted. She could have been alone caring for her children when she opened it, how awful would that be. If you cared about her welfare you would have done it face to face to ensure she could talk it through and had appropriate support. As it stands, your hatred of the OW was more important and the wife is just collateral damage. Well done.

TSSDNCOP Sat 09-Aug-14 10:51:19

So do you just want to know is if your letter illegal? It could be libel if your facts are wrong. But you're clearly 100% certain and have necessary evidence to substantiate that. So all good.

It sounds as though the poor W could be charged with all manner of things such as breaching the peace, slander (if you are wrong) etc.

Did you think all that through? Wouldn't it have been kinder to either talk to the W or let her DH know you knew? What did you imagine would be the effect of an anonymous letter to this poor woman?

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed Sat 09-Aug-14 10:51:37

Wow. This kind of inverted sisterhood stuff is always so poisonous, overlooking as it does that the MEN involved are the ones breaking their vows.

Legally, OP, I wouldn't think you're in any trouble. You cpuld be required to give evidence if there were any trial as you're involved.

Morally, different issue. And although it wasn't what you asked, I think what you did was quite reprehensible. Vigilantism is frowned ap

CleanLinesSharpEdges Sat 09-Aug-14 10:52:17

I'm all for telling the wronged party if something like this is going on - but only if your desire to tell comes purely from a place of genuine concern for the wronged party, and you choose your time and method of delivery of the news very carefully.

You anonymously dropped a grenade into this poor wife's life then walked away with no concern for her mental state, whether she has any support, etc and as a result she could very likely end up with a criminal conviction.

And all you give a shit about is whether the police could come for you.


ExamStresses14 Sat 09-Aug-14 10:53:56

Actually I don't think you've done the wrong thing. The OW is clearly a bitch, if regularly splitting up families is her MO.

Most women on here say they would rather know than live in a relationship with a cheating DH. I know I would prefer full knowledge.

The wife's actions aren't out of the ordinary for a wronged partner either. It isn't your fault she behaved this way either. She is in control of her actions, as much as the cheating DH and OW are of theirs.

It's highly unlikely that the wife will end up with a criminal record. A charge of threats to kill (serious offence) finest usually progress in cases like these. I've dealt with several charges of TTK, funnily enough never relating to a wrong wife against the OW/DH.

You haven't done anything wrong in law or morally IMO.

ExamStresses14 Sat 09-Aug-14 10:56:22

*never - not finest

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly Sat 09-Aug-14 10:57:42

The 'D' H knew we all knew he'd frequently flaunt it in everybody's face's he wore his wedding ring and would say stuff like "going back to my wife now" so letting him know I knew wasn't going to have any effect on him.

You all telling me how 'horrible' it was doesn't really matter to me. I feel for the wife obviously however they've made it clear they're not taking action on the wife, merely me.

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