Should I let DP take a share in the house?

[Minki]

DP and I are getting married next month. He has 2 kids aged 11 and 8 and I have 2 boys aged 6 and 4. We don't yet live together. We will be having a pre-nup at my request because there is a lot of equity in my house, which DP and his kids will move into at some point, and I earn significantly more than DP. I got badly burnt in my divorce last year (after my ex had an affair and left us) and spent 30k on solicitors and court proceedings trying to stay in the house so I want to do everything possible to protect myself and the boys and to have peace of mind if things to go wrong. My solicitor has told me that getting re-married is a big risk as pre-nups are not necessarily enforceable and my partner could make a claim on my assets, including on the house. Things are further complicated because my ex still has an interest in the house which is repayable if I do re-marry. That said, I love DP and I want to build a life with him, including by getting married. My solicitor has said that if I must re-marry then to keep everthing separate, i.e. do not let him take a share in the house unless he makes a capital contributions. This creates a couple of problems. First of all, we need capital to pay off my ex who could otherwise apply for an order for sale if we don't repay him. DP was going to sell his house and we would use the proceeds to re-pay my ex and give DP a commensurate share in the property going forward (which will only be around 4% in any event). In addition, DP does not want to pay rent to me and says if he is paying money to live somewhere he wants it to count towards something. My solicitor countered this by saying that DP would need to pay to live somewhere anyway. In addition, I am broke and have very little money to live in so it would make sense to let him pay a share (probably only a 1/3rd share ) of the mortgagae going forward and to split the bills with him. Everyone benefits as DP gets an investment interest plus a bigger property where his kids will get a room each and I start saving a lot on living costs as I really cannot continue the way things are now. The catch is that my solicitor says that I am crazy to give DP an interest in the house, legal or equitable. Who is right and what should I do to protect myself? Bottom line is that I want to stay in the house in the event we split and I want to leave my share of the equity to my kids, all of which is covered in the pre-nup. DP would pay in capital which would give him a 4% interest and pay 1/3rd of the mortgage going forward (I would keep all equity up to the point he starts paying then we split the share 2/3rds to 1/3rd.

[Minki]

"mortgage".

[edamsavestheday]

All sounds v complicated - I think you should take the solicitor's advice seriously, he's the one who knows the law. Equally if dp is paying off your ex, surely he should get some equity in return for the £30k? Ask your solicitor what would happen if you and dp split up, could he force you to sell the house?

[Minki]

Yes, think he/we are ok with giving him a share if he makes a capital contribution e.g. repaying my ex 70k, but my solicitor does not want to allow him an interest if he makes contributions to the monthly mortgage.

[Minki]

And yes, my understanding is that I uld have to re-pay him and if i was unable to do so, sll. I should be able to buy him out /remortgage for more on my own assuming he doesn't try to claim more equity or other assets.

[UnrelatedToElephants]

Would DP pay all the bills and you pay all the mortgage?

[QuintessentiallyQS]

Why are you so keen to give away your childrens future assets to this man and his children? Is he talking you into it?

Does he have any assets to share with you, or is it a one way street?

Why do you not want to listen to your solicitor?

[BirdhouseInYourSoul]

Have you not considered living with him before marrying him?

Blending families like this can be very tricky tbh and you won't know if it will work if you've never lived together.

You are taking a huge risk after all.

[Norem]

Op you are risking your newly found stability on a 12 month relationship.
Bringing two families under one roof is daunting and fraught with possible risk of upset to everyone.
I think you are being far far too hasty.
Under no circumstances would I be getting married to anyone without living with them first for at least a year or two.
I saw this as a once divorced mum with new partner and kids.
Please please listen to your solicitor.
Why the rush??

[EarthWindFire]

If you marry the house will be a marital asset no matter whose name is on the deeds.

[LineRunner]

I really would urge you not to do this.

It is too soon, too risky and the effects will most likely be catastrophic for you and your children.

Please think again, and go much more slowly.

[HermioneWeasley]

Agree with others - why on earth are you marrying someone when you haven't lived together?

Why are you ignoring your solicitor's advice - s/he ONLY has your interests at heart

[Viviennemary]

I would call of the wedding at least for the time being. I've also heard those pre-nups aren't always held up in court.

[Minki]

Sorry, I should clarify, I split up with my ex husband in June 2011 after he had an affair/behaved horribly. I filed for divorce in October 2011 but he delayed everything as much as possible so it only became final in September 2013. I met DP in November 2011 so we have been together for nearly 3 years, engaged for 2. We are marrying first because we love each other and want to build a life together but we haven't figured out all the issues about living together. There are numerous issues to resolve and if/when he and his kids move in they will have to commute 45 minutes to school 2 days a week. TBH, I don't think we or the children are ready to live together.

[Minki]

I am listening to my solicitor, of course, but I want to know/understand why it is risky to let him contribute towards the mortage and therefore have a small share in the house? The share will be v small compared to mine so I should in theory be able to buy him out in the event of a split.

[angelohsodelight]

You should be able to protect your share of the house with a deed of trust. It acknowledges what each party has contributed and protects it should something happen.

[EarthWindFire]

You should be able to protect your share of the house with a deed of trust. It acknowledges what each party has contributed and protects it should something happen.

I'm not sure that this would hold when the 'parties' are married though.

[EarthWindFire]

Also to protect him you should also have something that says you won't touch the remainder of the money that he may make from the sale of his house.

[peggyundercrackers]

how can you be ready to get married when your not ready to live together? that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I think you need to iron out all the issues before you get re-married. I also think your failing to understand that the house becomes a marital asset no matter what he has paid into it or how small you agree his share to be, these things can mean very little if things go to court.

[Minki]

That's what the pre-nup is for Peggy. It's supposed to let me keep what is mine so that it doesn't come a marital asset. Assuming it stands up.

[wannabestressfree]

Please live together first before marrying and then discuss the house after a year under the same roof. It's a recipe for disaster otherwise....

[Minki]

Probably good advice but I think we would be putting the wedding off for years if that was the case as it will take ages and a huge amount of stress and upheaval before we live together. I think by that point we may have lost incentive and not bother doing it. Seems like this is a definite deal breaker for most though. Do no married couples live apart if they both have kids from previous marriages?

[LineRunner]

I live apart from my OH. He has his DCs full time, and I have mine.

I can't see that changing for a long time. And I have absolutely no intention of marrying him to prove something in the meantime.

Sorry I sound terribly stern - I'm not, honestly! - but this is life, not a romance.

[EarthWindFire]

Probably good advice but I think we would be putting the wedding off for years if that was the case as it will take ages and a huge amount of stress and upheaval before we live together. I think by that point we may have lost incentive and not bother doing it. Seems like this is a definite deal breaker for most though. Do no married couples live apart if they both have kids from previous marriages?

Can't say I've ever heard of it before no.

If your consent order with your ex husband says you need to pay him on remarriage, then won't this have to happen before you all move in together and your DP sells his property?

Your ex shouldn't have to wait years for his share after the trigger event for his money and could force the sale of your property, or at least try to.

[MooseBeTimeForSpring]

The best you could do would be a declaration of trust and a prenup together. Otherwise the longer you are married, the closer he would get to a 50% share, regardless of his financial input.

[titchy]

WHY are you getting married if you aren't going to live together? What will you gain? You (and your kids) potentially have a lot to lose by getting married but I can't see how you'd benefit?