Obligation to let NRP know when you & DC are away from home

[meandcoffeeequalhappy]

My xh has decided I am "legally obligated" to let him know when I am absent from my home to go to other places within the UK (i.e. visit friends for a night). He is a very absent father, but likes to call his DC daily (when he doesn't have more interesting things to do), and if we don't answer will call non stop for 2 hours, text, call my parents, email etc.

It was a very emotionally abusive relationship, and I find it hard to react rationally or set boundaries down with him as basically I am terrified of his reaction and I get very anxious. He feels that if I don't tell him where and when I am away, he is wasting his time and energy calling. I feel like it is very controlling and abusive that he needs to keep constant tabs on us, and it is very hard to emotionally detach with his demands and constant calls/emails. What is a reasonable or sensible way to deal with this? I have avoided dealing with it for too long, and also feel guilty that if I do the wrong thing I am punishing my DC.

[MellowAutumn]

Stand up to him, tell him to piss off - have a fixed time 2x3 times a week on a mobile that is switched off at all other times. I understand that he has abused your and the kids boundaries but unless you draw a line in the sand appeasement will kill any self worth you have.

[meandcoffeeequalhappy]

Thank you. Eminor I communicate very little about the DC to him, but really this is only because he is not interested in school, progress, clubs, friends, awards, school reports - anything in their day to day life. He has genuinely never asked or been interested. I can't help thinking the calls and the absence thing is more to keep a track of me and my life. That sounds very self important, but he was never that bonded to the DC and was very controlling of me.

I wish I could have a system where we could communicate like you describe Eminor. Mellow you are totally right, I just needed to check that I am not unreasonable in this case (as you said when it comes to him low self worth).

[lostdad]

In a word, no. Simple as that.