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Summer holiday issues

(5 Posts)
cabbage723 Fri 28-Mar-14 15:38:42

Hi all

I would love some advice and don't know what to do. I have a dd and my partner who I have lived with for just over a year has a ds. We went to Court this year to agree residency and he was awarded shared residence of his son for about 40% of the time. At the time of the order, it was also agreed that they have one full half-term each, share the other half-term, one evening per week and every other weekend. It is the summer holidays that are the problem.

The court order is a bit vague (I realise this now - we should have firmed it up at the time) - it simply states half of summer, to run as 7 consecutive nights no more than 14 without other parent's permission, to be agreed between the parties. The problem is, his ex is incredibly controlling and we cannot negotiate with her. I am deeply regretting not setting the holidays now and it is causing so much stress. She feels we should accommodate her working schedule and pattern and as she is the 'single parent' who works FT, we should work around her. My partner applied for 50/50 shared residence and would have his son FT if he could.

We approached her 3 weeks ago via email and proposed that as her weekend falls first when the children break up and we want to go away that first week, it would seem to make sense that she has her son the first week following her weekend, we take the next week, she takes the one after and so on. That however does not work for her - she NEEDS the weeks to run Mon-Sun, not Fri-Fri. I asked her why - for me there is no reason whatsoever. We ALL work full-time and I also have my dd's childcare to consider. I really don't feel we are being unreasonable and we just don't know what to do.

Can anyone see her point? What difference does it make how the Mon-Fri parts of the 7 consecutive nights run?!

balia Fri 28-Mar-14 19:30:21

Well she's either being difficult for the sake of it or she has a reason and doesn't see that she needs to explain it to you.

Perhaps the relevant point is whether you can accommodate her - if it doesn't make a difference how the Mon-Fri parts run why insist on something she doesn't want to do?

PatriciaHolm Fri 28-Mar-14 23:04:43

Sometimes it's just a matter of picking your battles, and this may be one of those times.

If you are going away the first week, isn't your step son coming with you anyway?

mumtobealloveragain Sat 29-Mar-14 01:13:12

Can I give you some advice SM to SM? If she is difficult for the sake of being difficult and if she is the sort of person who deliberately asks for A just because she knows you want B then you getting involved will only make things worse. It should not be you asking her anything or making arrangements with her as that is likely to antagonise her if she is already a bit shirty about negotiating contact time. It's best for you to keep out of it, save yourself the hassle and stress of dealing with her and let your DP do all the arranging with her. Perhaps she feels put out that you are trying to make arrangements for their son. Obviously we know it affects you, your dd and your family arrangements but let DP deal with her and you deal with DP and make agreements with him before her speaks to her.

mumblechum1 Sat 29-Mar-14 10:05:20

I agree with mumtobe. This is for your partner to negotiate and she may be more amenable if you keep out of it tbh.

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