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Fathers access to children mid week

(4 Posts)
skat73 Sun 16-Mar-14 09:45:16

My stbexh left myself and two daughters at the beginning of last summer. For the summer holidays he barely saw them at all and then because I am keen they have a relationship with them we agreed he can have them on Wednesday nights and one night and day at the weekend. The girls are 6 and 1. However, he has now moved to London which is over an hour away. On a Thursday my 6 year old does breakfast club so he can get to work on time. This means leaving the house just after 7 and foot down on the motorway. Both children are exhausted and tired during the day. I think it's too far to take them on a week night but do I have any right to say this?

prh47bridge Sun 16-Mar-14 10:26:03

If there is no contact order you can say whatever you want but it is best if you can negotiate this between you. It is always better to agree contact arrangements between you rather than have them imposed by the courts.

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 16-Mar-14 10:39:22

My ex and i have an informal access agreement. Inevitably there are times when changes are needed.

I find it works best if you propose a selection of alternatives. So in your scenario could you collect the children at bed time midweek so their morning isn't so rushed?

Would it be better if he had them Friday and Saturday night returning by midday Sunday alternate weekends than have the midweek visit?

Would a midweek skype type call work?

Are there activities you could investigate that he could do local to you something like a zoo/ play barn/ farm park/ leisure centre?

Could it work school holidays only?

monkeymadness1 Sun 16-Mar-14 13:51:32

Well in the absence of any Court order then the answer is that legally you can do whatever you like with regards to changing his contact days and times. However, legally, he can apply to Court to have a contact/residence order put in place in response.

I guess it comes down to how keen you are to keep things amicable and out of Court. Have you spoken to your ex about this? Does he know your daughter is tired after an early start those mornings? Perhaps he could get her to bed earlier the night before?

What does he do with your 1 year old when he leaves the house at 7am? 7am isn't really that early a start, plenty of children get up early and go to a Childminder/other day care - is it really that bad for her to be a bit tired and cranky one night a week compared to the alternative of not seeing her dad during the week?

Do you have any other feasible options? Would you let him come to your house one evening a week so that he can have her from school go out for tea etc and come to yours for bath/bedtime etc? Or as the other poster suggested could he have the children more at the weekend and not during the week? Could he negotiate work for flexible hours and just tweak his times so he has a slightly later start time one day a week?

Compromise is much better than Court though!

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