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Mum needs help with Childs Violent Father

(5 Posts)
zks1989 Tue 11-Mar-14 13:36:30

Hi mums I am 24yrs old and I have a six year old son. I was in a relationship with my voilent ex partner for six years. I finally plucked up the courage to leave the house with my son whilst my ex was on a business trip for the night. Over the six years we were together he was extremely violent controlling and just repulsive to me. He would destroy the house also. He even served time in jail for headbutting me through a set of shop doors. My son was always present when the violence happened, my ex didn't care about him seeing. Every weekend he would drink and disappear on the Friday and turn back up so drunk...this is when the violence happened. Mainly when he was under the influence of drink or drugs. When sobour would be appologetic it will never happen again ect. We have been split for 3 and a half years, I am now settled with someone else for past 2 years. We live together and bring my son up together. I am very happy in my current relationship, we have a lovely home and he treats me like a princess, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.......the only problem is I can't shake my ex. He's still violent trying to control me, still taking any chance he can to abuse me mainly emotionally. He was awarded contact on a sat from 3-4 Sunday TO BE PICKED UP FROM MY OWN FRONT DOOR....I couldn't believe this given his very violent past to me. Every week he was coming to the door to collect his son causing arguments trying to dictate what I do with my son. Trying to fight with my partner barging in the house, shouting and balling in front of my son. 3 weeks ago he came to the door on the Sunday afternoon after not showing for his contact the previous day. He demanded to be let in the house and see his son. When I refused he went cra,y banging on doors windows trying to push his way in. He tried to attack my partner when he refused him entry and asked him to leave. The police were called and he was arrested and charged with domestic breach of the peace. I am just looking for advice on the best way to stop contact with my son to him. He's really having an emotional effect on him. I want to keep my son and mysellf safe but I feel like nobody wants to help. That it doesn't matter what he's done he's his dad and that's it, nobody seems to understand that my sons safety is in danger when he's with his dad. Social services even said they would recommend that he has no contact with him but it's the courts allowing this man to continue to bully and harass me and my son. I'm genuinely terrified of him. I know what he's capable of. I don't want my son growing up thinking that it is acceptable to treat another human being this way. I'm exhausted and frustrated and I don't know what to do to keep him away. Please help with things I could do. I would appreciate it so so much. I have been told there will be a marac meeting this week as we are very high risks and I was also wondering if anyone knew the possible outcomes of this? He doesn't contribute financially to his son, never has. I am in the process of changing lawyer as I don't feel she is protecting us well enough. I feel like the court is forcing me and my son to have unwanted contact with this animal. He currently has bail conditions not to approach me or my home address due to the last incident but that will only last until court in may. I am so lost as to what to do to protect my son Thanks x

cestlavielife Tue 11-Mar-14 15:06:25

set up contact centre contact.
or use neutral third party for handovers in a public place
www.naccc.org.uk

Nappaholic Tue 11-Mar-14 21:46:40

You don't say, but presumably contact was "awarded" following a contested court hearing? What evidence was given there, and how long ago was that hearing?

It sounds like you need to return to court to vary the order...courts certainly don't approve of domestic violence and acknowledge the negative effect on children who witness it. The contact is meant to take place only if it is the best interests of your son. If it isn't, then he needs to be protected.

Change solicitor. You may be eligible for legal aid, if not already using it. You don't have to stay with the current solicitor, but will be limited to a legal aid franchised firm.

zks1989 Tue 11-Mar-14 22:55:17

So if a court's previously ordered contact it may get taken away now? At court before the domestic violence wasn't discussed much. It was overlooked by everyone which is why I'm changing lawyers. We were not allowed in the court room so I have idea what was said and wasn't said. X

Nappaholic Tue 11-Mar-14 23:19:01

Yes! The contact order can be varied at any time...the court's only concern is what is in the best interests of the child. It is presumed that contact with both parents is in every child's best interests, but that can be changed if there is sufficient evidence that contact is not good for the child now, or in the future. Domestic violence is taken very seriously by the family courts.

I am very concerned at your last paragraph....nothing in court should have taken place in your absence. Find another solicitor ASAP!

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