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moving away post divorce

(22 Posts)
jayho Fri 07-Mar-14 19:06:56

We have two children aged 5 and 9. I currently live locally and work full time in a nearby city. Both of us are within a mole of the boy's school. We have a contact order where he has the boys one weeknight and every other weekend, half the holidays.

Our divorce was extremely contentious. He has not worked since we separated and is supported by an income insurance policy (circa £2.5k pcm) as he is unable to work. He was a very high earner.

As he is reliant on insurance payments his children do not receive any child support. I am in the process of applying under the Children's Act for a lump sum, he has considerable property assets.

I moved to be near him when we married, I have no family support in the area. I am a civil servant and my department is undergoing reorganisation.

My mother and sister live in SE london, my career prospects would be secured/enhanced by moving to London. I am old - 50.

I would like to move to SE London where I would have family support and better job security.

He will object.

As I work full time and he does not, yet has a reasonable income, I would expect him to do the lion's share of the travel to facilitate contact.

Advice? Pitfalls? likely outcome?

Oh, and he is immensely emotionally abusive, his current tack is to call soc services alleging abuse (unfounded).

STIDW Fri 07-Mar-14 19:52:04

HOw many nights every other weekend?

Nappaholic Fri 07-Mar-14 22:57:22

How far would you be don't say?

jayho Sat 08-Mar-14 06:17:52

Sorry, launched this and then went to bed. York - London. Currently Friday/Saturday every other weekend. He can't be bothered to get up and take them to school.

Nappaholic Sat 08-Mar-14 11:57:13

Couple of things spring to mind

1. Have you applied to the CSA (as was) for an assessment, and then a departure/variation to include his unearned income?

2. If unsuccessful there, your Children Act Schedule 1 app could include maintenance as well as capital.

3. If you move away such a long distance, might your ex follow you there, if he has the means to do so?

4. What do you propose by way of contact? Longer distances often mean longer contact periods, but fewer of them.

5. If you move away, you'd be expected to offer to do at least half the travelling, and as it's such a long way, offering to meet halfway for each handover would make you appear reasonable.

6. Is there any way you could both meet to discuss the practicalities in a sensible way? Mediation might help?

jayho Sat 08-Mar-14 18:14:13

1 Yes and failed, hence the children's act application.

3 probably not as he is pathalogically attached to his house, however, if he did I would not see it as a problem, I mainly want family support and job security.

4 again fine, I understand that the mid-weeks would stop and I might have to give up all half terms for example, more than prepared to be reasonable.

5 ditto with travelling, had envisaged offering to bring them to king's cross for fast train to York

6 ha! no, impossible, he is extremely abusive. Mediation has been tried and failed.

I have to give him 56 days notice of intention to move and I know that he will immediately seek a prohibited steps order - do you think he'd get t?

STIDW Sat 08-Mar-14 20:41:30

I'm not a lawyer and there is no substitute for legal advice but I don't think he will be able to prevent you moving in the long term if there are good economic reasons for the move and your plans for accommodation, schooling and contact are practical and well thought out . However it will take longer than 56 days for the court to carry out investigations and come to a final decision and you may be prevented from moving in the meantime. Also you may find as you are the one doing the moving the court expects you to share travelling.

As well as a PSO your ex might apply for a shared residence order. It doesn't seem to apply here but when there is shared residence in significant proportions it can be argued that it's less disruptive to schooling, established friendships and relationships with the extended family to live in the same area with the other parent during the school week.

LaurieFairyCake Sat 08-Mar-14 20:46:14

Am I being daft and missing the obvious that he will then want and possible get, residency .

They're in school locally, he can't work but can provide for them and do all childcare.

What if he applies for that?

jayho Sat 08-Mar-14 21:04:19

Thank you. We have a shared residence order but I am the primary carer. Ex has mother and sibling in reasonably local, but not immediate vicinity, and not actively involved in children's lives - in terms of child care etc.

My argument would be that I am sole financial provider for children and I need to secure that (significant re-org at work) I will facilitate contact and I and children will benefit from family support - my mother and sister, who has grown up children and can help.

I'm very careful not to seem to be running from him but he is very abusive (I have ongoing support from idas, social services and police in relation to this)

jayho Sat 08-Mar-14 22:28:58

Laurie, he does not work because he is suffering from stress and anxiety (caused by our breakup). He has never opposed our care arrangements - me essentially having sole care and him access despite me working full time.

He has made numerous applications to the police and social services alleging abuse that have all been proved unfounded.

Social services have advised him that if he has serious concerns about the children's well-being he should make an application through the courts but he has not. All this is documented.

I don't think, on this basis, that he would get custody (I don't think he wants custody) but would welcome input

LaurieFairyCake Sat 08-Mar-14 22:35:18

Sure, he might not want residency but it sounds like he's enough of an arse to say he will in order to get you to stay around there and not move

jayho Sun 09-Mar-14 17:33:18

That is my worst fear.

antimatter Sun 09-Mar-14 17:45:39

Would he be given residency if he isn't already participating in their weekly care?

jayho Sun 09-Mar-14 17:58:45

I don't know. Playing devil's advocate, if he had residency then the children would remain in their settle environment, go to the same school, maintain friendships etc.

jayho Sun 09-Mar-14 17:59:44

I suppose he could be sahd and I would have to pay maintenance sad

nickymanchester Sun 09-Mar-14 19:22:57

I suppose he could be sahd and I would have to pay maintenance sad

Perhaps this has given you some insight into how he is feeling

jayho Sun 09-Mar-14 22:10:08

nicky how would that be since he has done nothing but use our children as pawns in his sick, manipulative games since we separated? Both have been examined by paediatricians in the middle of the night for no reason, seen him attempt to have their mother arrested (picture four police vehicles with blues and twos and the associated officers bursting in the house at bed time). I spend an unhealthy amount of headspace wondering how he feels in a pathetic attempt to stay a step ahead of him.

Thanks for the input though.

antimatter Mon 10-Mar-14 12:13:22

Could his action be classified as unreasonable?
But for that I guess you need a lawyer's advice.

jayho Thu 13-Mar-14 07:54:21

Up date. Had big meeting with Soc Serve called by me because I'm sick of these allegations.

They explained and I completely understand that they have to put the child first and investigate all reports. However, they described my parenting as exemplary and the referrals as mischeavous (SP) and suggested I took legal advice.

They have met with him and told him firmly that they have no role in our family. They have told him that he should go through the courts if he is not happy with the children's living arrangements but that they are not a risk.

They said that my openness with them and that I had always been completely co-operative was massively to my benefit going forward and that should they be asked by the court to make any report on the children's welfare this would be reflected.

So, seeing solicitor next Monday.

MeMySonAndI Thu 13-Mar-14 08:10:50

I would have thought that his income insurance payments could be classed as income for child maintenance calculation purposes. As far as I know the fact that he is not working doesn't mean you may have to pay maintenance (unless he seeks a spousal maintenance order), maintenance is paid to the parent who has the children for the bigger part of the time.

To be honest, every single case is different, if he decides to fight this it will be a long process, if he doesn't then you are free to do as you please. How old are the children? Remember that their welfare, wishes and reasonable contact with both parents will be the main thing at the centre of the process.

monkeymadness1 Thu 13-Mar-14 08:49:18

Jayho - You said he has them EOW and one week night but that he can't be bothered to take them to school- does he drop them back to you the next morning before school after the weeknight?

As the other poster said, plenty of parents who don't actually want residency and would never seek to obtain residency will apply for residency in some circumstances.

jayho Thu 13-Mar-14 18:23:43

son CSA say they can't consider insurance payments income although it is clearly what he lives on, I wonder if the passage of time might help me. ie he's lived off them for more than two years?

MOnkey they come back to me sunday evening, he does take them to school after the mid-week but they are generally late.

They are 9 & 5, I would facilitate contact, no desire to block

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