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Help me stop dithering re DH's estate

(6 Posts)
SteamboatSprings Mon 03-Mar-14 14:50:28

I have got the grants of probate but finding it really difficult to motivate myself to write to all the banks and push on with settling his estate. Tbh I'm feeling very down and just want to cry sad

Ishouldbeweaving Mon 03-Mar-14 16:22:49

It's not surprising that you feel bad and it's not surprising that you don't want to do it, this is a hard time that you have to live through. Have a cup of tea and a biscuit and don't beat yourself up. Is there anyone in real life that you can call on for a bit of hand holding?

You don't have to do it all at once and in fact you can't do it all at once as you're limited by however many copies of the grant you have. Think of it like eating an elephant, it's far too big to tackle in one sitting but you can do it a bite at a time. If you haven't already done so make a list of all the organisations you have to write to and make sure you've plenty of stamps. The first letter is the hardest, once you've done that one you have something to copy from for the others. Tell yourself that you'll do one a day until you've sent off all the grants and then you've got some breathing space until they come back and you start again. Keep the list because it will become a checklist when it comes to tax return time.

My experience of administering my father's estate was that letters are the way to go because you don't have to deal with people being nice to you. We made the mistake of hand delivering one of them and ended up being whisked into an office and sitting there while someone changed the account details over whilst at the same time giving my mum the soft sell on investment products. It was not just a waste of our time, it felt like an invasion of privacy.

You can do this, you really can.

nemno Mon 03-Mar-14 16:30:43

You have done so well to get this far. My husband and I are currently executors of my DM and his DF, and even though we have handed over much of the work to a) a solicitor and b) a specialist probate company it is very hard. Is it an option that you pay someone to do it?

If not it is clear that you can do this. As previous poster says, just take it one task at a time. All the best.

SteamboatSprings Mon 03-Mar-14 16:37:55

Thank you for your kind words of support & encouragement. I'm just finding it very hard to face and get stuck in, but the letter thing is very helpful. Will try to a little at a time. I don't want to pay for any more help than I have to really, as I am a SAHM so I do have the time to tackle this. It's just a pain and I have felt very low for the last couple of days.

Ishouldbeweaving Mon 03-Mar-14 17:08:57

It doesn't matter where you start, pick off some that are simple (maybe where there's only one account) and then you can feel good because you've made progress. It's easy to get locked into a circle where you wake up feeling bad and can't face anything and then you go to bed feeling bad because you didn't do anything. The first year is going to be the hardest and that's the year when things need sorting out.

My father's estate was straightforward, the only time I had a wibble was when I had to get in touch with the land registry. I'd left that until last because I was clueless. I downloaded the form and the guidance notes and couldn't make head nor tail of it. My mother sorted that one out, she rang them up and they talked her through filling the form in.

(Message me if you ever need a pep talk. I can guarantee that I'll aways start with "make a cup of tea")

SteamboatSprings Mon 03-Mar-14 20:28:41

Oh Weaving, thank you,!

I just feel a bit daunted as I've sorted out so much already and now this feels so important and final and i have Dh's 2 sisters waiting for their pay-outs sad

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