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Extremely difficult living situation

(21 Posts)
awishes Thu 27-Feb-14 20:38:00

Just starting on the path to divorce, husband has not even been contacted by my solicitor yet and he is warning and threatening me via email constantly. The divorce has been instigated by him and because I will not agree to a "fair" 50/50 split of all assets he has turned even nastier than usual. I am now wondering do I just give in to this to avoid the tirade of nastiness, this will leave me with no possibility of buying another home for our children?
He has said today that he will give up his well paid job which will leave me without any child maintenance!
Will this irresponsible behaviour be taken into account if I fight for a larger share of equity and things get to a court hearing?
I know all cases are different but does anyone have any experience they could share please? sad

heliumheart Thu 27-Feb-14 20:43:19

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I had a similar situation develop when we separated 14 months ago.

Divorce is a long process, one thing to remember and that I've learnt is that just because this is what he's saying today, there'll be a lot of ups and downs before you reach a resolution.

I would not advise giving in. The threat to give up his well paid job sounds like something he has said to scare you into not taking action. As time goes on he will realise that this isn't going away and a good lawyer will hopefully tell him something similar to what your lawyer is telling you.

awishes Thu 27-Feb-14 20:47:09

Thank you, I think I will have to ignore the vitriol and think of the end point, just hope that I can still provide a home for my kids!

Sorry that you went through this too - rubbish isn't it!

Irishmummy1981 Fri 28-Feb-14 00:07:17

You'll probably do this but remember to print out and keep copies of emails he has sent you onto a disc or usb. Pass them onto your solicitor too.

awishes Fri 28-Feb-14 21:57:07

thanks Irishmummy I am! They're full of contradictions! Will they make a difference though?

contortionist Fri 28-Feb-14 22:21:06

If you do eventually have a settlement decided by the court (which will be a long and expensive business, best avoided if possible), then it will be determined based on each of your needs and on equity.

Except in truly outrageous cases, there is no financial penalty for behaving like an arsehole, and certainly no bonus for being well-behaved.

awishes Fri 28-Feb-14 23:45:58

That's what I thought, am keeping them because they show his escalating dreadful behaviour incase we become a "truly outrageous case" ! I'm convinced he will take this all the way and it will go to court, despite the costs involved sad

Fidelia Sat 01-Mar-14 08:13:10

Hmm, if he's actually said that in writing (quitting his job) then I wonder if you could get a judge to agree to insert a clause about still having to make child support payments at his current earning potential if he is fired or resigns? It might have to be applied via contract law rather than through the CSA, but, might be an idea? Also, depending on how long you've been married, I'd try for some kind of spousal support. He's a bully and needs to be stood up to. No court will order something that could leave your children homeless

awishes Sat 01-Mar-14 09:32:07

Fidelia - thanks, that's exactly how he is behaving like a bully and yes I thought that he has shot himself in the foot putting in black and white that he intends to leave his job and then, his words "there will be an entirely different financial context to this divorce". That proves intent doesn't it? Although he has now said that he is under enormous pressure at work and that would be his reason for leaving! Wasn't like that before he decided he wanted a divorce!

We've been married just about 16 years, I was at home for 10 with the children and had a good career before. Now he is earning over double what I earn and I do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING in the house and for the children, and work. I have MUG on my forehead for sure! I would never have thought he would be like this - just goes to show.

Thanks for replying smile

ImperialBlether Sat 01-Mar-14 17:41:15

Oh if he tells you he's going to give up his well paid job, just say, "Good luck finding a girlfriend when you're on the dole." His job will be part of his self-image; he won't give it up.

awishes Sat 01-Mar-14 21:06:20

He has already got the girlfriend. Good comment though!

MooseBeTimeForSnow Sat 01-Mar-14 21:30:39

Legal advice is key. Does he have a good pension? It knight be possible for you to take a larger share of any equity in property in return for not taking a share of his pension. Are there any shares, bonuses etc?

Try and make a list of your outgoings. If you separate are you entitled to additional benefits, tax credits etc. Do you know if you can get a mortgage? This will be helpful in working out whether you could buy him out or what size lump sum you would need if you had to buy a property.

traviata Sat 01-Mar-14 21:33:56

the court has to take into account not only what a person does earn, but their earning capacity.

so if someone gives up their job deliberately the court may treat them as able to earn the same anyway.

s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973.

awishes Sun 02-Mar-14 12:47:36

I would love to give up a share of his decent pension in exchange for a larger share of house equity but he is adamant there will be a 50/50 split of the home. sad
I've looked online and had a few mortgage quotes and I could manage a 70/30 split with him keeping the savings aswell.
The tax credits would be great but unreliable as anything could change with this government and if he does resign I would not have the child maintenance to rely on for the children either.
Moving would take up so much money? Thank you so much for your info.

clam Sun 02-Mar-14 12:57:32

If the children are to be mainly living with you, isn't it more usual that the split is weighted towards you, as the parent with residency?
I think I'd avoid discussing it with him, tbh, and let the courts decide. They'll be fair - he won't.

babybarrister Sun 02-Mar-14 13:22:22

much of what has been said above is correct but you need your own professional advice to stitch it all together and consider all of the assets and income

look on the resolution website if you have not already found someone

and yes, courts are not stupid. another case of DIRE - divorce induced reduction in earnings ....

judges have seen it hundreds of times .... that is why they look at earning capacity!! I have had a case where my client got all the capital as exH said he was going abroad and would not pay any child or spousal maintenance!!

but all depends on what else there is etc etc this is why you need detailed advice

awishes Sun 02-Mar-14 13:35:53

Thanks clam and baby, I have got a resolution solicitor - just wish everything was cut and dried already!

I appreciate the replies, thank you so much.

babybarrister Sun 02-Mar-14 17:21:45

just remember to take your advice from your solicitor not from your ex .....!

does he appreciate that he may lose the capital? I doubt it ...

awishes Sun 02-Mar-14 19:37:54

well that would be for his solicitor to advise grin !! thanks again

christmasclean Mon 03-Mar-14 07:53:41

Sounds similar (a lot of men do this it seems) once I saw my solicitor she pit my mind at ease where the house and children are concerned. I to have just begun on the path. All the best.

awishes Mon 03-Mar-14 22:05:28

Thank you, you too - seems as though we're in the same boat

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