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Do I have to agree?

(3 Posts)
pinklady1107 Sun 23-Feb-14 20:24:54

I have a contact order in place, always followed - always allowed ex have more nights when he asked, change things, change drop offs etc, been very flexible and worked at it for the sake of my dc.
At Xmas it all broke down after six months of him cancelling all his time with them, and changing what he did and didn't want all the time, then he changed pick up place at last minute over Xmas, then we got to new pick up place he changed it again which resulted in me actually saying no for once, w e are here as you requested and this led to verbal abuse and continue via email, name calling, wishing I was dead etc sad

Since then for my own sake, and that of my children, due to the messing about last year I have stuck rigidly to the court order we have, not a bit flexible as Xmas affected us no end and after all the flexibility I gave it made no difference as what he wants he does.
Anyway now he wants to change pick up time, due to I assume a new job. I've said no, if he can't collect from school he can arrange child care just like I have too when I work and if he can't come I won't be there to pick up the pieces nor will offer an alternative time, if he doesn't collect or arrange collection there will be no contact that weekend as he hasn't followed the court order and been there, or had someone there at the time ordered.

Am I right in saying that I don't need to agree to this change and due to the constant chopping and changing last year it's certainly not in the dc best interests!

He says we go back to court, which actually I welcome, I don't believe for one minute that seeing his dc eow is enough at all and they should see him more. He's also told me he isn't doing certain holidays that are ordered, if I don't agree he just won't turn up - which actually i think/know he wants to just walk away but make it my fault. He emailed at Xmas several times to say he doesn't want to see them again and I've literally had to beg him to see them sad.

If I make them Available at the ordered times I'm doing it right but I don't have to agree his changes do I nor his new times if he just fails to show at the ordered times?

All a nightmare, all designed to 'put me in my place as the parent with care' as he calls me (I have a residence order)

sykadelic15 Sun 23-Feb-14 22:06:13

You have a court order. You are under no obligations to agree to changes and neither is he. You were doing him a favour by being so flexible (not the children really because they were still going to see him, the specifics don't matter to them) when he really doesn't care if he sees them or not. He's doing this to control you because he KNOWS you want him to see the kids.

Keep all communication via email and when the kids are older you can show them if they need to know/see it. You've tried. If he cared about his kids he'd do what he's supposed to do (and then some!)

pinklady1107 Mon 24-Feb-14 07:34:27

Thank you for your reply, that's what I thought, I begin to doubt myself with him because he's so horrible and insistent it's his way or nothing and that I'm being an awful mother by not agreeing. He certainly doesn't like me saying no.

I will stick to the court order, thank you for your help xx

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