Pensions, savings and divorce

[worry123]

What happens with regards to this.

I am worried sick and a stressed out mess, so I apologise if I dont make much sense.
Recently (before the discovery of my husbands infidelity) we had been discussing the fact I dont really have a pension as I have been a SAHM for 15 years whilst my husband (and us) travelled the world with his career in the Army. We had discussed whether or not it was worth making up my NI contributions so I would one day get a full state pension. We decided against this but said we would try and save a bit for our old age in the future.
Before meeting him I worked for a bank and have just under £2000 in a frozen company scheme.

Since then it turns out that for most of our 12 year marriage (if not the 6 years we lived together before that) he has been cheating on me.

I am slowly accepting my marriage is over and starting to look at a future for me without him. I am currently a student but hope to find employment this summer once I pass(hopefully).

We own no property but have £65k in savings as a deposit on a house (all of this is currently in my name (as I am currently not a tax payer).

The one thing that terrifies me more than anything in all of this is being destitute in old age. I am in my early 40's so dont have years to build up a massive pension pot and tbh my earning potential is not good either. I remain optomistic that I will build myself back up but I have to be realistic that I will be starting back on the bottom of the ladder in a non professional career. I imagine earning around £14 to £16k a year if I am lucky which will pay for the here and now but not much to spare to save.

Several people have been saying to me I could claim off his pension - part of me cringes at the thought but I am wondering if this is the case? And how does this happen? And what kind of claim would it be?

[worry123]

I forgot to say I will have to move out as we are in Army housing. Husband will have a full army pension and is due to retire from the army next year.

[worry123]

Thank you. I will take a look.

All of this is so alien to me.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Yep - law changed in about 2001 so that pension is part of the assets. No difference to the £65k in your name.

Pensions are worth a colossal amount - I don't know how old he is but guessing fairly young to retire if he is army and you re only early 40s. Annuity rates could be as high as 30 or 40 in that case. (Especially if escalating - ie goes up with inflation.)

Therefore even a fairly modest pension of £25k has an actual value of a cool £million!

So yes I do think you should get your share from your millionaire husband.

[LauraBridges]

Do see a solicitor. Army pensions are different from others I believe. I have a friend whose relative was trying to get a pension splitting order on her divorce from a soldier and it was not at all simple. I think they were initially told there was no such right for army pensions but may be got something eventually.

Doesn't matter whose name the £65k is in although if you don't work and he does it is more likely than not you will get most of it.

[Worry123]

Thank you. I did wonder if it applied to military pensions.

I am currently in the Bristol area although travel to south wales frequently. I am totally in the dark about anything to do with dovorce and have no close friends or family that are divorced to get advice from. If anyone can recommend a good solicitor I would be very grateful.

Just a thought - we were married in Scotland (Scottish registry office) during one of our postings there. Does that affect anything divorce and seperation wise. We are both English.

I always expected to split the savings 50/50 at best (to me). I know the reason of marriage breakdown is irrelevant to division of assets but I feel foolish and angry right now. I stupidly gave up my lot - not a high flying career but an OK job with prospects in bank to follow him and raise our 2 kids (now 13 and 15). I have always been there for the kids because he hasnt because of his job (and shagging antics it now turns out) and with no local family support just dedicated my life to our family unit. Here I am now 42 - and have sod all to show for it. He on the other hand has a string of hot lovers and decent career ahead of him because he had the time and support from me to study hard (he has already secured a job for when he retires from the military) and has much better prospects than me. His standard of living and lifestyle wont change much. Mine will dramatically.

I feel like I have been dumped on the shit heap tbh and feel my future is all rather bleak .

[LauraBridges]

Poor you. I wish we could paste those comments at the head of mumsnet somewhere so all those women who give up good careers to stay at home can appreciate what it so often means for women in the 50% of marriages which end in divorce. It is rarely worth their sacrifice.

[awishes]

We do it for our children though don't we? :(

[LauraBridges]

I think children do better when women work full time but that's just my view. Not everyone agrees.