I'm about to show my boss an unpleasant letter that I believe was written by a mutual colleague (due to the writing on the envelope), although it was signed anonymous. It is basically a criticism of me and "my behaviour" in relation to child access issues based on lies by my ex.
Legally, am I allowed to share my idea of who it was, or should I not say? Horrible situation and I imagine my ex will lie his way through it and look the angel as usual
To try and work out how I can get back to work without there being an atmosphere towards me based on lies.
It doesn't threaten me but the basic sentiment is that I am horrible etc, my ex is poor and misunderstood, I am in the wrong etc. It also shows that my ex is continuing to lie about child access. He has a hidden drug problem.
basically trying to establish if my only options are 1. Accept that I might go into a crappy atmosphere (as inferred by the letter) or 2. Leave
Ah no, it was signed by someone who said they can;t say who they are because of their job. And that they know both of us. Also, I am 99% sure the writing is that of a senior staff member. My solicitor told me to bring it up . .
Exactly. My ex and I have no joint friends, I don't know his family.
This person says they know me, they know him, that they can't "defend me to others", is a friend to both (but said crappy things about me!) and can't say who they are due to job. Plus the hand writing. It's not blatant, but there are very strong indications there.
Return to work head held high because you've done absolutely nothing wrong.
By all means tell your boss that you have some stress due to personal issues and even mention the anonymous letter, without accusation.
My XH used to say 'I've got people watching you. I know your every move. People are happy to keep me informed and pretend to be your friend.'
Its really nasty. It undermines your self confidence and trust in those around you, I get that. I still, many years on have the odd wobble and wonder if any of my then friends were acting like double agents - thats paranoia for you.
What you must try your very best to avoid is allowing someones pettiness, that they don't even have the guts to admit to, to influence significant life decisions hat will effect your life, like quitting your job.
This letter is one silly person having a silly petty moment. They're obviously skilled at hitting nerves but they're cowards and will no doubt not out themselves or act again.
Could you phase in your return to work or pop in for a meeting or something to alleviate the building tension you're feeling?
He's already said he's been bitching about me at work I spoke to HR and they said to raise it. Anyway, I am stuffed either way. Clearly I can't go back to work with this crap going on about me. But then why should I put up with it and leave quietly anyway? I haven't done anything wrong . .
My ex confessed it to me and wrote it in text messages also.
So either your X has been bitching at work (you work for the same employer, yes?) in which case you could in theory raise the issue of his unprofessional behaviour - for which you do have proof through your X's texts - with your X's boss.
Or your X is winding you up. In which case the best advice is the same. Ignore. Prove you're the better person by rising above it.
This does assume that you and your X work in different teams. I can't see how it could possibly be workable to have a couple going through an acrimonious divorce working in the same team. In that situation you need to start looking for another job.
But in no scenario is raising the letter with your boss a good plan.