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Am I allowed to share my suspicions?

(19 Posts)
Popplecake Tue 11-Feb-14 15:42:48

I'm about to show my boss an unpleasant letter that I believe was written by a mutual colleague (due to the writing on the envelope), although it was signed anonymous. It is basically a criticism of me and "my behaviour" in relation to child access issues based on lies by my ex.

Legally, am I allowed to share my idea of who it was, or should I not say?
Horrible situation and I imagine my ex will lie his way through it and look the angel as usual sad

MisForMumNotMaid Tue 11-Feb-14 15:46:12

How horrid for you to have received the letter.

What do you want to achieve by showing your boss?

Isn't it either a police matter if you feel threatened or something to discuss with your solicitor?

JeanSeberg Tue 11-Feb-14 15:48:40

I presume the letter was delivered to you at work.

I would keep your boss out of it at the moment, there's no need to involve her/him at this stage.

When you say 'legally' is it a criminal accusation?

Onesleeptillwembley Tue 11-Feb-14 15:49:41

It's nothing to do with your boss! Go to the police if its threatening. But don't take that stuff into work.

Popplecake Tue 11-Feb-14 15:50:53

To try and work out how I can get back to work without there being an atmosphere towards me based on lies.

It doesn't threaten me but the basic sentiment is that I am horrible etc, my ex is poor and misunderstood, I am in the wrong etc. It also shows that my ex is continuing to lie about child access. He has a hidden drug problem.

basically trying to establish if my only options are 1. Accept that I might go into a crappy atmosphere (as inferred by the letter) or 2. Leave sad

Popplecake Tue 11-Feb-14 15:52:21

Ah no, it was signed by someone who said they can;t say who they are because of their job. And that they know both of us. Also, I am 99% sure the writing is that of a senior staff member. My solicitor told me to bring it up . .

Onesleeptillwembley Tue 11-Feb-14 15:54:38

Ah. So it mentions work. How could people at work know so much of your personal business?

Popplecake Tue 11-Feb-14 16:00:54

Exactly. My ex and I have no joint friends, I don't know his family.

This person says they know me, they know him, that they can't "defend me to others", is a friend to both (but said crappy things about me!) and can't say who they are due to job. Plus the hand writing. It's not blatant, but there are very strong indications there.

CinnabarRed Tue 11-Feb-14 16:08:35

But it doesn't say as a result of your work.

I can't see any benefit to showing your boss. What do you expect him/her to do, exactly?

If I were your boss then I would feel very sorry for your situation, but find it deeply unprofessional for you to show me that letter.

Onesleeptillwembley Tue 11-Feb-14 16:11:02

It's one if exes mates, or ex, trying to put the shits up you. Chuck it and forget it, the sad twats.

CinnabarRed Tue 11-Feb-14 16:12:33

You might be wrong in your suspicion that the letter was authored by a colleague.

CinnabarRed Tue 11-Feb-14 16:13:36

And I have to say that if I were your boss then I wouldn't take any action based on an anonymous letter. I couldn't. What if you're wrong?

LauraBridges Tue 11-Feb-14 16:17:35

I would just ignore it and go in to work, work very hard, don't be late or have days off and be the best employee you can and rise above the gossip.

MisForMumNotMaid Tue 11-Feb-14 16:26:41

Or your third option...

Return to work head held high because you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

By all means tell your boss that you have some stress due to personal issues and even mention the anonymous letter, without accusation.

My XH used to say 'I've got people watching you. I know your every move. People are happy to keep me informed and pretend to be your friend.'

Its really nasty. It undermines your self confidence and trust in those around you, I get that. I still, many years on have the odd wobble and wonder if any of my then friends were acting like double agents - thats paranoia for you.

What you must try your very best to avoid is allowing someones pettiness, that they don't even have the guts to admit to, to influence significant life decisions hat will effect your life, like quitting your job.

This letter is one silly person having a silly petty moment. They're obviously skilled at hitting nerves but they're cowards and will no doubt not out themselves or act again.

Could you phase in your return to work or pop in for a meeting or something to alleviate the building tension you're feeling?

Popplecake Tue 11-Feb-14 16:27:25

He's already said he's been bitching about me at work sad I spoke to HR and they said to raise it. Anyway, I am stuffed either way. Clearly I can't go back to work with this crap going on about me. But then why should I put up with it and leave quietly anyway? I haven't done anything wrong . .

Popplecake Tue 11-Feb-14 16:29:45

Yeah, it's not very nice sad There is also no need for it. Still, I am 99% sure I recognise the writing. And also how would the writer know (warped) details if they hadn't been told them?

CinnabarRed Tue 11-Feb-14 16:35:35

Who says whom has been bitching at work?

I'm so sorry, this is clearly a horrible situation.

But unless person X has confessed to bitching (as opposed to person Y tells you that person X has been bitching) then it's still hearsay and nothing you can productively raise with your boss.

But don't quit work, at least not until you have something else lined up.

I reckon the PP upthread had it right - by far the most likely explanation is that your X or one of his friends is doing this to screw you over at work. Don't let them win.

Popplecake Tue 11-Feb-14 16:46:35

My ex confessed it to me and wrote it in text messages also. In the context of that, I think there is a lot of support for it being from someone at work. . .

To be honest, I don't think I've got the front to front it out. I expect I will be pushed out by his crap. He's sly and knows how popular and presentable he is.

CinnabarRed Tue 11-Feb-14 17:15:15

My ex confessed it to me and wrote it in text messages also.

So either your X has been bitching at work (you work for the same employer, yes?) in which case you could in theory raise the issue of his unprofessional behaviour - for which you do have proof through your X's texts - with your X's boss.

Or your X is winding you up. In which case the best advice is the same. Ignore. Prove you're the better person by rising above it.

This does assume that you and your X work in different teams. I can't see how it could possibly be workable to have a couple going through an acrimonious divorce working in the same team. In that situation you need to start looking for another job.

But in no scenario is raising the letter with your boss a good plan.

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