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Received a contact order notice based on lies

(5 Posts)
Longlive2014 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:42:31

Ex has filed for contact via the courts, his reasons in the application are complete lies, saying I have refused contact. I haven't - and have proof of this via emails, phone records.
Can I apply to have this application thrown out or say this is harrassment?
I have made the children available and this is obvious from our communications, there is no need for this application and contact that has been offered by me has been refused by him....

STIDW Fri 07-Feb-14 13:42:22

There is a cliche that everyone lies in family cases. That might be an exaggeration but separated parents often have different interpretations of the same story so there are two versions of the same "truth." Without evidence from independent professionals (school, social services etc) a judge will have difficulty choosing between two stories.

Anyone with Parental Responsibility has the automatic right to apply for a contact order and their case to be heard. A respondent also has the opportunity to put their version of events across, but the focus is the welfare of children and moving forward rather than the issues between parents or blame. There is a no order principle so the courts shouldn't make an order unless it will make things better for children. The courts have the powers to bar someone from making repeated and/or malicious court applications if it is deemed necessary.

Most children cases are settled by agreement in proceedings. Children need at least one parent to put their interests first and forgo the determination of "who is right and who is wrong."

3xcookedchips Fri 07-Feb-14 14:27:00

he may feel what you have offered isn't enough, with conditions, control what he can and can't do etc.

Why don't you post what you have offered and ages of the kids and then some may have a view on the reasonableness?

does the father live far away?

jen2014 Fri 07-Feb-14 14:53:13

You can't apply to have the application thrown out if this is the first one. You will have to attend the contact hearing, with your copies of paperwork (emails etc) and put your case forward.
The judge (cafcass) will assess what evidence there is, and suggest contact appropriate to the age and situation of the children, within reason.

For example, if you've made the children available between 10am and 2pm on a Saturday, but he only finishes work at 1pm then the judge might order that you make the children available for 4 hours at another time which is mutually convenient.
You will either get a contact order which sets out contact in principle (for example, 2 nights every 2 weeks to be decided between parents); or if the relationship is acrimonious and contact may be broken then it will be a contact order stating exact times, dates, locations etc.

Longlive2014 Fri 07-Feb-14 17:15:05

Children are 3,5 and 7
He didn't see them for approx 20 months after split. I asked him to leave due to his dv and ea towards both the children and I.
Without warning he applied to court for access. After meeting up and he and I discussing things and I believing he changed changed for the better I granted him access and due to this it was ordered, no order.
5 months have passed and the last 3 dd has been complaining after every visit to me how she hated it, doesn't love him or trust him and doesn't feel safe and doesn't think he has changed.hates how he dumps them on the floor in a small room full of 12+ family members and is scared because she doesn't know them. I have encouraged her to carry out contact and I have spoken to him after each time she has confided in me, suggesting to him where she feels he is failing etc. At Xmas she comes back from a weekend away and tells me she hates him, doesn't want to see him again. I let the situation calm down and speak to her. She is adamant she won't see him again, again I beg her to give him another chance etc. so she does, he drops them off and kicks off shouting at me infront of the kids etc even neighbours hear. He thinks it's me, hates me I know nothing, I don't know what's best for them kind of thing.
When he is due a phone call dd refuses to speak to him says she's scared he is going to have ago at her. I ask her to speak to him, she does but comes off the phone crying and says she really never wants to see him again.
For me, this has gone on too long, so I book an appointment to see my family law solicitor and we come up with a plan.
Instead of him having them every other weekend at his (5 hour car journey away) and two phone calls a week, we cut this down to one phone call, and then offer him contact in a public place for a few hours both Saturday and Sunday every other weekend - he stays at his mums across town, no issue with him having anywhere to stay.
Reasons being dd won't attend contact and doesn't want calls, hopefully I can persuade her by being there and it is agreed by me and my solicitor it sounds that contact has developed too quickly and become too much for dd to handle. I've suggested this time is for him to make a one on one bond and that due to too many people being there at times of contact has scared the little one and over whelmed her.

I didn't offer contact supervised by anyone else as I have no other family close by that could do it and his family are strangers to the little ones and hate me - so wouldn't be honest about the goings on and concerns of the kids. I knew he wouldn't go for contact centre so didn't bother suggesting it.

Until Xmas everything was ok between us, he is very intimidating but I was handling it and choosing to ignore it and I kept conversations child focused etc. I have no issue with him seeing the kids, as long as they are happy and safe. Which right now they aren't.

He is refusing contact because he wants his family there, and because he doesn't want to accept he is how he is. He says he will argue with me etc at contact. I don't intend on discussing anything with him. I suggesting a play centre so if the kids don't want to see him they can play, and if they do then they can go and chat with him. I can take a magazine, and just be in the background if I'm needed. But apparently this is me denying contact...
He has spoken to them on the phone, I've offered him to come over and see ds on his birthday, he didn't want to.
I don't feel I have been unreasonable, I have given him easy access in the past, been flexible, given him support on how to build a relationship, I have now given him flexible dates and venues for contact, calls etc. he didn't want to offer any compromise, see it from the children's eyes or take their feelings into account.

I'm glad it's going to court, because Cafcass will hopefully listen to the children and I have a witness to him shouting and swearing at me infront of the kids. I am not going to say no contact, I want it to return to every other weekend!! - but if my child is calling out for my help I won't ignore that, and I will take steps to put them first, rather than his needs, or my own.

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