Long story sorry and obviously very emotive subject. Appointed a local stonemason to do dads headstone last summer. Found him from the outset quite prickly in a 'doesn't suffer fools gladly' impatient sort of way . Wish l had got rid then but too late now obviously. Firstly he wrote down a few suggested (by him) standard stuff 'In Loving Memory of ..' etc and got my dads details and d.o.b. / d.o.d. etc off me. This was in the cemetery where we decided where grave was going and he was to liaise with priest etc.
I got home and sat down and decided on exact words l wanted on headstone and sent him an email with a document attached showing this. I wanted 'Cherished Memories instead of 'Loving memory of' for example. I went into a lot of detail about font required etc and asked him to let me know if anything was impractical/impossible /whatever and l would go back to drawing board.
He didn't answer me (has never answered/acknowledged any emails from me , ever , even though his idea to communicate this way) so l thought maybe l had read his email address wrong and as he had written part of it in capitols l even tried it with capital letters (not a techie me ! ). Still no answer so I rang him. He was quite short with me and said among other brusque statements that 'Everyone knows that email addresses are always in small case !' as if to scold me for emailing him twice. He also said that there 'was nothing wrong with the words HE had suggested'
You have probably guessed by now but I am not assertive and you are probably thinking l should've got rid by that point.
So four months ago he sent me the final bill (I had already paid £300 deposit upfront for his layout for memorial itself and plot etc ) and a photograph of the memorial. I was so upset , it was wrong in so many ways and different to what I had stipulated.
It was in a different colour writing to what we had agreed (verbally during a phone call , so no record) , it was in all capitals but the first letter of every word was a larger capital iyswim (I had written out my template in lower case with a capital letter at start of every word and also written in body of email that I wanted lower case except for first letter of every word and also l wanted a prose excerpt on the vase to be all in lower case italics if possible or just lower case if not with a .... at the beginning and end to signify a partial excerpt iyswim.
But no , it was ALL IN BIG SHOUTY CAPITALS.
Also one word out of the whole headstone was done in a different font pattern to all the others i.e. the word 'of' was written like so : 'oF' with the capital letter at end of the word instead of the beginning like all the others. There was also an unnecessary and grammatically incorrect and unasked for random comma in the middle of the excerpt.
So I rang him and it was a horrible conversation , he quickly became dismissive and arsey and made comments like 'But it looks alright in that colour, there's nothing wrong with it' and ended by saying ' I think you're being a bit over fussy tbh' . I pointed out in one of my rare moments of assertiveness that 'this is my dads permanent memorial , not a bloody note to the milkman!'
So came off phone and sent him a very restrained ( in circs ) email saying I could live with the wrong colour paint (I can't prove that I asked for different anyway) and that I could even live with the smaller capital letters instead of lower case but could not live with the rogue comma and the capital letter at the end of 'oF' and wanted it changing to capital O followed by smaller capital F to be in keeping with all the other words ! Both these minor corrections requested were at the end of a line so presumably easier to correct.
So I was more than reasonable I feel and met him more than halfway. Four months later (on Friday) having had no reply to that email ! DH and I went to see him at his workshop. DH arranged that by phone , as I don't want to speak to him anymore by this time :( .
He wouldn't budge basically and offered us our money back for deposit minus what he had paid out for plot etc so we could 'go elsewhere'. He admitted I had asked for lower case at one point but insisted the 'oF' was correct and the 'way we do it in the business' (rubbish - we've looked all round cemetery not one 'oF' to be seen!) The only thing he would budge on is agreeing to fill in and black out the comma.
So worn out by it all I agreed ( Iknow, I know!)and also because my dad is supposedly being interred on Friday , all arranged so was panicking.
But now I am thinking I just want my money back and start again because it's dawned on me over the weekend that we can inter dads ashes as planned and sort out a headstone later instead of 'making do'. He is going to go ape this chap isn't he now when I ring him tomorrow . He may even refuse to give me money back now as I've had my chance ! Also I could look like the culprit now as we shook hands on going ahead with just the comma removed.
Help :(
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Mistakes on Dads Headstone :( my consumer rights please.
33 replies
Bahhhhhumbug · 02/02/2014 22:50
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