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Inheritance turning nasty

(19 Posts)
Whocansay Sun 12-Jan-14 20:46:59

My mum died recently. I have 4 siblings. As far as I'm aware the estate is to be split 5 ways (I have not seen the will, 2 of my sisters are executors).

I have gone no contact with one of the executors, for numerous and none relevant reasons, but there is bad feeling between us and has been for years.

Now to the point. My mum had some jewellery. For many years mum has been making gifts of jewellery to me (and others). I cannot prove this - I never thought I would need to! My sister is implying that I've taken it. Where do I stand legally? Is there anything I can do? Can I be prosecuted? She's using this as a way to drive a wedge between me and my other siblings. It's horrible.

(This sister does know that they were gifts really, as my mother made no secret of it, but it now suits my sister to forget.)

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Sun 12-Jan-14 20:49:34

I would do nothing and let her make it something it isn't.

I am sorry for your loss.

MuttonCadet Sun 12-Jan-14 20:51:48

If you've all been getting gifts of jewellery then I don't see why you would be the only one to have to pass them back to the estate.

If the items weren't specifically mentioned in the will I'd be inclined to tell her to get stuffed.

You might want to get legal advice though.

mineofuselessinformation Sun 12-Jan-14 20:52:44

Toffee's right. It sounds like she wants you to 'put them back in the pot'. Don't do it - your mum wanted you to have them and gave them to you.

RandomMess Sun 12-Jan-14 20:54:09

If it isn't worth the hassle of their value, get them valued and take the monetry value off your share of the inheritance?

Whocansay Sun 12-Jan-14 21:20:15

Thank you, ladies. My DH has been advising me to keep quiet. Mum has given away and sold many things over the years. This is my sister's second attempt to make me out to be a thief. My lovely DB gave her short shrift last time.

MuttonCadet I think mum gave me more jewellery than other people. But she definitely wanted me to have them because we shared a common interest. It was never about the money - although my sister may view that differently. My siblings have had other gifts though. The sister in question has had cash gifts of £1k + on more than one occasion.

My sister's having a second pop as she's found an insurance valuation from several years ago, which lists items not in the probate valuation (I haven't seen the list, but I would assume some of the stuff given to me is on it). She doesn't understand the difference between valuations for insurance and probate either. I wasn't sure if educating her would add fuel to the fire.

I'm concerned that I could get into 'trouble' (although I can't see how I could, realistically) and I'm concerned that other people will believe her spite.

If that constitutes a drip feed, I apologise!

RandomMess Sun 12-Jan-14 21:24:01


bloomin hideous for you! So everyone has received gifts but your have slightly more value and she's got out of her pram.

How to taint everything isn't it sad

Whocansay Sun 12-Jan-14 21:31:28

RandomMess I cannot tell you how horrible it is. I miss my mum and that's difficult enough without this nastiness. It does taint everything. I feel like everything mum ever gave me is now in question. And of course, I am the only one being targeted...

I knew she resented me, but I didn't realize how much. I think she may actually hate me.

MrsSquirrel Sun 12-Jan-14 21:33:20

Sorry to hear about your mum thanks

You have no evidence they were gifts, but equally your sister has no evidence you took them. I can't see the police (or anyone else) being interested. I agree with your dh, just keep quiet about it all.

RandomMess Sun 12-Jan-14 21:34:38


Do you think taking the value of your share of gifts would help?

It would at least have to make her shut the fuck up about it??? You could email all your sibling breezily "it seems that the gifts given by dm to me recently are more valuable than I realised, how about we deduct £x from my share of the inheritance to be shared between everyone else? It seems only fair?"

At least your other siblings will know you have done everything you can to make it "equitable"?

Theknacktoflying Sun 12-Jan-14 21:36:04

Just leave it alone. There is nothing like an inheritance/death to heighten sibling tension.

Be honest, be kind to yourself and hold on to the good things you remember about your mum ...

BillyBanter Sun 12-Jan-14 21:37:30

Have you spoken to other siblings? If your DB gave her short shrift the last time then are you not confident the same will happen this time?

Sorry for your loss. thanks

somersethouse Sun 12-Jan-14 21:46:01


They were presents to you, nothing at all to do with the question in hand. Say nothing. Do not react.

Very sorry for your loss.

Whocansay Sun 12-Jan-14 21:57:18

RandomMess the problem with doing that, is that I would feel it would be admitting I'd done something wrong. And how far do I go back? 1 year? 10 years? It is something to think about though. It just rankles that the focus is on me alone. No-one else would have to do this.

God, I'm whining! It's so unfair!

BillyBanter I spoke to DB last time, but not spoken to anyone else yet this time other than DH. It all feels as if we're making people 'take sides', which is not what I want. I think he will tell her to back off if necessary though.

At least it reconfirms that my decision to go no contact with the poisonous cow was entirely the right choice.

Thank you all again for being so kind.

RandomMess Sun 12-Jan-14 22:07:18

Perhaps do a "I'm so hurt that you are tarnishing the gifts that dm loving gave to me to be kept in the family due to our mutual love of xyz"


Theknacktoflying Sun 12-Jan-14 22:10:59

And the more you protest the guiltier toy appear .... The expression throw enough shadow (or another word. Beginning with s) and it begins to stick...

What is her relationship like with the others?

Casmama Sun 12-Jan-14 22:16:03

I would call her bluff and suggest that she contact the police if she believes a crime has been committed. People are innocent until proven guilty in this country.

Bloodyteenagers Sun 12-Jan-14 22:20:41

If she kicks off about them, remind her you have all had gifts, not just you. Ask her straight if that means you all, including her are putting every gift back into the pot.

greenfolder Tue 14-Jan-14 23:03:58

What is she suggesting? That you have ransacked the jewellery box after dm died? Do you have any photos of you wearing it prior? Weddings or Xmas? Sounds like pure jealousy to me. My nan gave almost all her nice v valuable jewellery to my cousin in Australia. Just wish she had told us,it would have avoided an awful lot of searching and a nearly wrongful insurance claim.

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