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Lo's Dad trying to re-register my son(50 Posts)
I've posted on here before about my son's dad
a bit of the back story is I was 18 he told me he was 27 in reality he lied he was really 35 we slept together on a couple of occasions over the course of 3 months, he was constantly down the "working man's club" drinking and he lived with a couple of drug users/dealers. I found out I was pregnant and he begged me to get rid of it saying I was to young I have to go out and party. I refused which he didn't like, he became physically abusive as well as emotionally abusive, I wasn't allowed out unless I told him where, with whom and what times. He'd kick me out at 5:30/6am to walk 2 miles to my mums house in shorts and a vest top when it was freezing cold because I needed to learn to respect him.
Three weeks later I told him I wasn't speaking to him any more (we were never together) He told people I'd "trapped him" for his house, his money and his car. Forcing him to become a parent, I'd "left" him and was refusing to talk to him and he was completely in love with me I'd only spoken to him in 3 months. He would sit outside my mothers house all night and watch in my bedroom window, send me constant messages and get verbally abusive if I didn't do what he liked. He'd find information out on me then trying to blackmail me with it, he came to my 6 week scan and 12 week scan where he expected me to pay his parking and for his pictures (I said I didn't want him to go but he threatened to tell my mother what I was being like so I had to) he went to one midwife appointment where he gave the wrong address, the wrong phone number and lied about family medical history (I ended up having an emergency C-Section and we both nearly died)
he refused to leave me alone so 2/3 month later the police got involved and he was warned not to contact me till after my son was born and to stay away. He completely ignored this and tried telling me the police had told him I was lying and they knew it and he told I'll make you pay for all of this, cause remember I've got at least 18 years of this. I'm going to make your life hell.
I tried to sort contact for when LO was born but it didn't work he ended up trying to email me a solicitors letter that said "I had to tell him when LO was born I had no choice in the matter and I have to hand over LO to him 3 times a week for at least 3 hours a week and if I said no they'd get more through the courts. He would also pay what he saw fit as to child maintenance and I couldn't go to the CSA"
He even got his friend to corner me outside a shop and ask me 21 question on my son and me three days after my c-section (I was up and walking within hours and discharged myself the day after due to him saying he was coming to the hospital to take him) by the time I was back with my mum at her car he had emailed me with what I was wearing, who I was with, what he thought my son weighed, looked like etc.
He refused to sign a statuary declaration to be on the birth certificate so LO was registered without him.
He gave false information (phone number, address etc) to the mediator so I couldn't go to mediation and took me to court, he didn't pay maintenance for 5 months saying he wasn't LO's dad (he'd said this throughout my pregnancy)
The police got involved again due to him getting friends to follow me around and stalking my Facebook. He was given a warning to leave me alone again but once again he ignored it.
The court ordered a DNA test which proved he was LO's father and I made a claim to the CSA whom he argued with because he didn't want to pay the amount he was told to, he even tried demanding my bank details so he could pay what he wanted.
At court he was ordered to take a drug and drink test which he'll passed but contact wasn't started until this may he only had 5 contact sessions the first LO screamed and within 5 minutes he was back, LO's dad said I couldn't go in the room to comfort LO so my mum had to go, the second I went in and my LO didn't leave my side, didn't talk, didn't do anything but have every loud toy going so it wasn't quite (he plays quietly at home), the next time he was asleep and LO's dad 'watched' him for an hour, LO's dad pushed for un supervised and was granted a session to which LO lasted 2 minutes before they told me to take him home because he was so upset and the last was when my LO whimpered in fear whenever he came near him and did nothing but cry again. All the sessions had notes and LO would do nothing but cry to we were home and wouldn't let me out of his sight, he wasn't himself for 5 days post contact.
Lo's dad didn't care and was happy it was causing me such misery. The court did grant him PR but at the last hearing the he told the courts he wasn't going to be paying for any more contact, and I had to let him have LO two nights a week overnight and 3 days. The courts told him they were ordering no contact, he didn't care about LO's welfare and it wasn't fair on LO that he got so upset they can't force LO to like him and they weren't going to.
I was so happy, he told my barrister we had won It was always a game to him. As soon as I got home I had emails from him saying I had to do as he said, I had to let him see LO and if I didn't I'd have to tell LO that I stopped him for no reason. He was going to tell everyone I was lying and I needed to understand he was never going away no matter what I do. I changed the number on the phone he use to use so he couldn't contact me on it and replied to his emails that he didn't have my permission to email me any more and he was to leave me alone, no contact was ordered and he had no reason to contact me. He wouldn't take no as an answer and continues.
Thursday my mum receives a letter for me stating he has now applied to re-register my son and they're going to let him do it (he told me he was only doing it to get at me and to confirm he was never going away) the police advised me to get a non-molestation order out on him as the court order is indefinite so he can't go near my son I just need to cover myself and to speak to my solicitor to try and stop them from amending my sons birth certificate.
I don't know what to do they have put a hold on his registration for the moment till they hear from my solicitor and I won't be able to get hold of my solicitor until Monday (I spoke to a different one who said they'd get started on the non-molestation order right away as they'd warned him as well)
I've been told I can go to court and get it stopped but don't know how!?! If they can't stop it they've told me to order more birth certificates and keep them in a safe place so if ever LO needs one he'll have his original copy and he can use that one till the day he dies.
Lo's dad has made it perfectly clear he is only doing this to get at me, he's said he's going to cancel LO's passport, and apply for a new one at his address so I can't get it. He's going to make my life a living hell and he'll make sure he never goes on holiday with us again we go about 2 times a year. He's also threatened to take LO because he's on the Birth Certificate he's made it clear the police won't do anything and I'll never see him again. I asked for a residency order in court and he refused so it was never made.
I'm at a loss because the courts rushed into giving him PR and then no contact they've allowed him to do this and I'm worried for LO. I'm scared of what he's capable of and the police officer seemed scared as well.
Thanks Louisey When speaking to him they said I can use LO's originals but if they got lost then i'd have to use those with his name on. I got two and have been told he can't cancel or re-apply for a passport without my consent so he has no chance.
My ds's biological father took me to court for DNA tests which came back within a few weeks confirming what I already knew.
A few weeks later I got a letter from the registrar general informing me that I would have to re-register my sons birth with his fathers name on the new certificate within 28 days or they would write to him and ask him to do it and if he didn't re-register they would automatically re-register his birth and any birth certificates I had at home would be invalid.
I live in N. Ireland so it might be different for you but check just incase they automatically change your LO's certificate before you get a chance to get all this sorted.
A non molestation order sounds a good idea - then you would need to report it to the police any time he breached it.
Alternatively, if he is still emailing you when you've made it clear you do not want him to, and he has no contact with your LO so there is no justification for him contacting you, I would have thought you could report him to the police for harrassment aslong as you're not engaging in correspondence with him.
I think you need to refuse to engage with him in any way - no no replies to any calls, texts or emails that get through to you. He should only contact you through a solicitor, and report him as necessary.
I have no legal advice but please take you laptop to a PC shop and get them to check it out, if he has keylogging software on there you can get it removed and he won't see anything again. It'll be a good fix until you can get a new PC. That and make passwords ridiculous and nonsensical, write them on a piece of paper and put them in a safe if need be.
I got LO's full copy!! He still isn't on it!!
Name change will be ASAP
from everything you have said I believe he has some kind of spyware on your laptop. Get it wiped and start again.
Yes you can definitely prevent him from cancelling the existing passport without you been informed...get in touch with the passport office ASAP! That I do know.Just keep on fighting and make a fantastic life for the two of you x x
Thank you, I'll ring them and mention it to them that he has no contact and he's threatened to kidnap LO so not let him cancel his passport.
No I haven't been, but I will
Hi I wish u luck with disengaging from this man, sounds like your and your son's lives will be happier without him ! Just posting to add to all the good advice u been given here. I believe it's poss for estranged parent to claim passport lost and apply for new one, hence cancelling yours? I think you can put a note on record at passport office to prevent that. Hopefully someone can say whether this true. Are u in touch with women's aid at all? They do very good post - domestic abuse support. Good luck!
Thank you Haveyouselfashandy It means a lot!
Having re-read the letter it says "If you do not respond with in 28 days we will forward the autorisation to re-register the birth of your child to *** registry office"
So am I right to believe as of yet the Registry has no idea about the Re-Registration as of yet? I've responded to the letter and they've put his application on hold anyway. I'm ringing at 9am to get a priority copy of his full birth certificate and I'll pick it up tomorrow.
I'm praying it's still just my details!!
Hi there JustMe, no legal advice but wanted to say you sound as though you are coping brilliantly and your lo is very lucky to have you as a mum.Just hope and pray he will get bored of this soon.I would seriously considermoving a good distance away from this nutter,I understand you are close to family and friends but I think building a life for you and your lo somewhere else may be better in the long run.Can you get pr taken off him?Surely if a courts ruled no contact it would be easy to do?
titchy I have LO's passport with me so, I'll make sure he can't cancel it and get a new one
Might be an ideas to let the passport office know not to let him apply for a passport for your ds.
The court stupidly gave him PR and now he can legally re-register any farther with PR who isn't on the certificate can do it
But I'm hoping I can still get a copy with just my name on as at the moment the application is on hold
How can his father get it changed if his name isn't even on it?
Yes you should be able to get a copy still. Go monday and get it.
Do I need the full one for renewing his passport? Or just his short one atm only I am on it!
If it's just his short one I'm okay!
I've just found out I haven't got my LO's full birth certificate only the free one. Can I still get another one before his dad has it changed?? They've put a hold on his application so he's not got it yet. If I ring up Monday will they give me a copy as it stands now? I'm looking to change our names ASAP!!
If this chap does have something like keylogger installed he may well be aware of your MN usage.
There's not a chance he knows your MN name is there?
That's what I was thinking.. Delete all photo's of LO off of it and then maybe post something irrelevant once a day?
If possible I would keep your original Facebook open, but just ignore it, to stop them searching for a new one. Don't post photos etc. if you can help it.
That's a good idea thank you I'll defiantly look into that. I'll wipe this one clean and maybe get a new one somewhere down the line as a "treat"
I haven't got gmail, but maybe I'll look into getting this. Unfortunately Facebook is one of my lifelines, however I'm looking deeply into changing our last names so if I do maybe I'll look at having that one shut down and having a new one with the new names as a strictly family one. I'll look into Keeper
duchesse He's not all there as far as I'm concerned the police said if he had it his way he would of gone round there and arrested him the first time but unfortunately he couldn't. I feel for my DS I really do, he wasn't comfortable and he knew something was wrong and it's horrible his 'dad' is the way he is. I'm not sure but I will check
Thank you all
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