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Father who doesn't want to be involved...

(11 Posts)
HopeS01 Sun 15-Sep-13 13:21:08

My unborn baby's father has decided he doesn't want anything to do with him/her.
We separated when I was about 12 weeks pregnant (now 20) and I haven't seen him in weeks. Every time we talk, we end up arguing because I find his attitude very frustrating. He has admitted that he feels no responsibility towards the child and has no desire to be part of his/her lfe.
He is being very difficult about maintenance; although he accepts that he will have to pay something, he is not willing to provide the same as he does with his other non-resident children who live with his ex wife, or anywhere near what he is legally obliged to contribute. He has refused to come to a family based arrangement and insisted that we have no contact unless it is through his solicitor... a lot of unnecessary stress and cost I could do without!

I am considering not listing him on the baby's birth certificate. This may sound like I am being spiteful and bitter but I am trying to prevent him from changing his mind in 10 years time and causing even more hurt/confusion for the baby. Will I still have the same legal rights to maintenance? Will he be able to see the baby without my permission?

I know this is a legal advice thread, but AIBU? (I will repost there too!)

Please help ...

Caramelbutthorn Sun 15-Sep-13 16:37:20


I'm not an expert but was in the same position you are in. I didn't put my ex on the birth certificate (much to his families disgust) but I didn't want him to have parental responsibility.

You can still go to the CSA and make a claim regardless of whether he is on the birth certificate or not. Like my charming ex he might demand a DNA test, but this is quick and painless for your baby.

I'm sure someone will be along soon to advise you properly.

Good luck xx

HopeS01 Sun 15-Sep-13 16:46:05

Thank you Caramel

betterthanever Sun 15-Sep-13 18:07:05

You can't put him on the birth certificate yourself he would have to be present anyway. From bad expereince please can you get something in writting from him about these things as my ex came back years later claiming very different things happened to a court.
caramel is right about the CSA - you can claim regardless - expect him to say he is not the father when they contact him, then the DNA test option comes - if he doesn't take one he is presumed the father and so the predictable script goes on. Good luck.

Caramelbutthorn Sun 15-Sep-13 18:16:22

Claim CSA as soon as you possibly can. My ex he dragged his heals with the DNA test. I had to keep calling the CSA to make them chase him. In my case my payments didn't start until after the results came though but it might be different in your situation. If you are in any doubt about him paying and his reliability go through the CSA. Good luck hun xxx

STIDW Mon 16-Sep-13 17:46:52

Under CSA/Child Maintenance rules the father won't have to pay the same as he does for the other children so depending on what he is prepared to pay you may be better off coming to a family based arrangement.

Child maintenance is calculated as a percentage of his income and then divided equally for each child. For example say his liability works out at £150 monthly, he has two children from a previous relationship and one with you the amount of CM you receive is £50 and the parent with care of the children from the previous relationship would get £100.

The CM is calculator is available at the CM Options website so you can find out what CM you would be entitled to under the CSA/CMS . There are other tools that can be used to assist negotiations for family based agreement. In the future there are plans for the Child Maintenance Service to charge fees for assessing and collecting SM so it makes sense to negotiate an agreement if possible.

As far as Parent Responsibility is concerned if a father changes their mind and can demonstrate he genuinely wants to be part of child's life, shows commitment and has paid regular CM it's likely the courts will award contact then PR later if an application is made.

mumsforjustice Sat 21-Sep-13 08:55:53

Parental responsibility is automatic for a biological father. You have no option on this. It has rights and responsibilities attached including financial support but also his involvement with the child. Birth cert is irrelevant as dna test can be ordered by either side so I would get him on it if possible as will save time and money later. Above is good summary of csa and is a legal obligation and can be taken from his wages if need be. Its not optional for him to pay! Remember though he has rights to see the child and may well change his mind sometime in next 18 years esp if he's been forced to pay for the childs support. Try to not let it get too acrimonious.

mumsforjustice Sat 21-Sep-13 09:08:42

Btw forgot to say csa is enforced for you for free.

prh47bridge Sat 21-Sep-13 18:47:03

No PR is not automatic for a biological father. If he is not named on the birth certificate and you are not married he can only get PR by entering into a PR agreement with you or by getting a court order. As he doesn't want anything to do with the baby he is unlikely to do either of those things.

If he changes his mind in future he is likely to get PR if he wants it but he does not get it automatically.

STIDW Mon 23-Sep-13 22:49:00

Also although there has been no charge for the CSA collecting child maintenance the new Child Maintenance Service is already taking on new cases when there are two or more children and in future there are plans for all cases to move across to the new Child Maintenance Service and introduce charges for assessment and collection. See;

lostdad Tue 24-Sep-13 12:32:34

Totally agree with STIDW.

Remember with the birth certificate that while you may make a decision about putting your baby's father's name on the birth certificate it may affect them in later life: How would he/she feel that officially he/she has no father?

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