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Childhood abuse

(15 Posts)
alenafrances Mon 09-Sep-13 22:32:52

Firstly, I'm a newbie, so sorry if I have posted in the wrong place.
I was molested from the age of 8 through to 15-16 by my Step-step Grandfather. I am 24 now and finally reported it to the police. I have been googling like crazy to try and find out more about the procedure, how they will come to a decision regarding taking him to court, what happens if he doesn't go to court, what questions the defense will ask if it does go to court... I haven't made contact in over 6 years, and am worried that because it was so long ago and there is no hard medical evidence, just a mental health disorder that I have 'aquired' I believe as a result of the abuse... I'm so anxious about what's going to happen :/ they said they would contact me later this week when he has been arrested and questioned. It's doing my nut in! All going around and round in my head. Has anyone else done this? Were you successful? How did you feel? What helped you cope at 10pm? 1am... 4am...? What happens if he says he did it, what happens if not, what will they base their decision to go to court on? How long does it all take??

cjel Tue 10-Sep-13 13:25:14

Well done for the decision that you made, it must have taken such amazing courage. I am afraid that I haven't got a clue to any of your questions as I haven't done what you have, but just wanted to say that you are very brave. I would ring the contact that you have in the police and ask them the questions, they should be used to dealing with cases that are from years to

familylawyerlouise Tue 10-Sep-13 16:27:16

it might also be worth contacting victim support?

cjel Thu 12-Sep-13 10:14:29

been thinking about you, how are you?

alenafrances Thu 12-Sep-13 10:48:55

Hi smile I've been trying to contact the officer who took my statement but had no luck... a little stressed as it's Thursday now and they said he would be arrested during the week... I'm just waiting for that phonecall! I've been googling like crazy atm but it's not throwing me much hope. I'm almost certain that it won't go to court and I will look like a complete and utter liar to the rest of the family. \o/

cjel Thu 12-Sep-13 13:12:03

Looking like a liar and being a liar are different. You are not a liar,You should have peace in your heart and hold your head high. This is a really stressful time for you, keep trying officer, but as Louise said it will be good to contact victim support, they will be able to help you whether it goes to court or not. Give them a quick ring now.x

paramjitkamal1 Thu 12-Sep-13 20:53:52

So many people suffer and it is so sad....most recently Daniel Pelka's case was shocking.... I have just signed a petition where Paula Barrow is trying to make child abuse reporting the law for all people -circa 45k people have signed it. Just shows how strongely people feel about this

paramjitkamal1 Thu 12-Sep-13 20:57:05

sorry link is

JohFlow Mon 16-Sep-13 12:57:25

Hi OP - what a brave decision. I have experience of working with children/young adults going through a similar process. These things tend to take a long time to come to court and resolve. Each stage tends to increase anxiety and challenge how you think about what happened and yourself. My strong suggestion is that you get a professional - counsellor/psychologist/abuse survivors group/samaritans/mental health telephone line (or so forth) to provide support through the process and help you re-build/apportion blame correctly. The police/court system/victim are also open to questions about the process once a decision is that you have a case. Do you have friends/other family in your personal life which can give you an emotional boost? xx

alenafrances Mon 16-Sep-13 14:46:48

Well, I received a phonecall saying that as there were only two officers who could deal with child abuse cases in my area, they had to focus on children who were at risk right now. She said my case would eventually be dealt with. What a bummer sad I spent the whole week knotted up. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder recently, and I have been affected by its symptoms since I was a young teenager... I've suffered with terrible depression and anxiety/paranoia as well as attachment issues. After a good google, I discovered that BPD is VERY strongly linked to childhood sexual abuse... \o/ fml! I've also read about making a claim for compensation through the Gov'm't... no idea if it's worth it though. I know it's stressful, and am prepared to experience that, I just want him to know he hasn't got away with it, that I didn't just grow up and forget about it. I want him to realise that he's a complete and utter headfook!

JohFlow Tue 17-Sep-13 14:30:47

Well all power to you OP!

It must feel frustrating to have to wait for the time being. It is important to catch abuse as it happens: but this does not mean that your case won't be deal with fully when the opportunity rises.

It is good to keep ringing to ask where on the 'list' you are and start the process of healing/re-building now. This will mean that you will be more resilience to deal with the court/police process when it comes up later. I think you do right to continue with your research and to try to make sense of your experience.

There are some links with abuse trauma and mental difficulties in adulthood (of which BPD is one). Are you receiving help with your BPD? I am sure when you continue reading up on BPD and abuse you will understand why/how the condition can be developed as a defence mechanism against what you were experiencing. It is a challenge to spot these connections and to see how much could be attributed to the abuse and how much could be down to other factors. Some of your research will really hit home or through all your previous views on their head. This is why it is important to have outside support. It is also important to remember that a condition like BPD takes years to develop and so you can expect healing to be over an extending period. A rule of thumb is to do as much research as you can without feeling overloaded. Any time you start to feel overwhelmed take a break and have some fun instead!

If he is responsible for your abuse then he needs to be made accountable for it.

Be kind to yourself and Good Luck xx

ratbagcatbag Tue 17-Sep-13 20:20:19

Ok, I've been there so ill answer best I can.

My uncle abused me from aged 3ish to 12. I went to the police when I was 22.

What happens now is police bring him in (its not quick if they've not deemed him directly a risk to others so no children in household etc)
They question him. If he doesn't admit anything they submit all statements to cps, they will review what charges if any to bring. I was warned in historic cases it can be hard to get cps to take them as they have to have a good chance of winning the case. In my case they charged him with three attempted rapes and eight counts of indecent assault (one per year he abused me).
You should get one officer who is your point of contact, depending how you are all questions from the force should go through them, in my case I was rock steady by this point so was contacted by more senior offices direct but only after I was asked if ok.
If cps don't feel they can win they won't bring charges, that doesn't mean they think your lying just there is insufficient evidence for a reasonable chance of conviction and it will lie on file.

Personally for me I felt a huge chapter had closed in my life and I felt pretty much at peace with everything with only a few wobbles.

I was successful, after pleading not guilty, he plea bargained as pleaded guilty to the eight indecent assaults d the attempted rapes to sit on file. He got 18 month after some friends of his gave character refs for him, and is still now most importantly on the sex offenders register.

I don't know hardy anything about court process as didn't go through it but know you can ask for a screen.

More than half my family believe him btw, they said I was that good a liar he had to plead guilty hmm

Finally well done and big hugs.

alenafrances Wed 18-Sep-13 22:03:08

Hi, I have had help for my MH issues since my son was born in 2010. I tried many times before then to get help but Dr's never took it seriously. What do they use as evidence to persecute? I have given my statement, also suggested links to a guy who he was good friends with who went down a few years back for having child pornography, my mum saw one incident where he had tried to kiss me with tongues, and he phoned her telling her if she told anyone he would have to leave our nanna, and although he never sexually souched any of my female friends all of them have said he was touchyfeely and rather creepy. What evidence, apart from him pleading guilty did they use to persecute? thankyou so much for your support. xx

JohFlow Thu 19-Sep-13 14:37:39

The police/a solicitor may be able to advise you better about the type of evidence that would suit your case best.

Generally there are three types of evidence usually used in abuse cases.

Direct testimony from the abused/molested - video, interview, screened appearance in court, unscreened appearance. Direct testimony from any eye witnesses or from a doctor/psychologist etc. that you have disclosed the abuse to.

Documentary evidence - your personal statement, medical images, photos, police reports, psychology reports that refer to the abuse etc. These help bolster the facts of the case.

Circumstantial reports - usually from third parties - neighbours who have head something, may have seen evidence of drunken/dangerous/mysterious/creepy behaviour, friends and family (where you can rely on them for support). These create an idea of the environment around the abuse and a feeling of the pressure that was put on you.

Hope this helps

tb Mon 23-Sep-13 17:26:19

The cps may decide not to proceed, which is what happened to me. The person concerned is now a vicar and it was recorded at the diocesan office, so there was a shedload of third party evidence. He admitted the offence, but still no action was taken.

I wouldn't say it's without hope, just wanted to warn you that it may not go any further. Take comfort from the fact that you've made your statement and been believed by the police.

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