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A moral dilemma

(57 Posts)
fishunicycle Sun 01-Sep-13 11:35:20

This is my 1st post on here and I believe it to be a very tricky one, so I'm after some considered advice.

A friend of a friend works for the police in the role of child protection.
This person regularly deals with child protection issues and is responsible for advising people on the phone about such things and escalating them as required.
This person is passionate about their job and evangelises about the "scum they have to deal with".

All good so far... here's the rub:
This person has a daughter and this daughter is under the legal age of consent.
This person recently found out that the daughter had a boyfriend of 17yrs with whom she was sexually active.
They let the daughter continue with the sexual liaison (which I think has become long term) and is aware that they sleep together in their own family home.
The girls boyfriend has now admitted that he is 19, not 17.
This does not seem to bother the parent that works in CP.
People have tried to convince this person that this is wrong and double standards and illegal.

What would you do in my position?

Morgause Sun 01-Sep-13 11:37:06

I'd mind my own business.

SauvignonBlanche Sun 01-Sep-13 11:38:22

I'd mind my own business too.

Bowlersarm Sun 01-Sep-13 11:39:13

Ditto Morgause. It's nothing to do with you.

Do you have teenage children btw?

Strictly1 Sun 01-Sep-13 11:40:32

How old is the daughter?

Roshbegosh Sun 01-Sep-13 11:40:33

How old is the daughter?

Pancakeflipper Sun 01-Sep-13 11:41:41

If the parents are aware and ok with it /dealing with it. You don't know what is going on in their family unit - Then keep out.

What exactly are you wanting to do about it???

It's irrelevant, assuming that the young people are broadly 'peers' (ie the lad isn't in a position of trust/the girl isn't 12/13)

LovesBeingOnHoliday Sun 01-Sep-13 11:42:22

He problem knows that this is unlikely to get very far. How old exactly is tge daughter?

Roshbegosh Sun 01-Sep-13 11:42:40

Are you suggesting the child is placed in care? Yeah right, no underage sex there.

BeenFluffy Sun 01-Sep-13 11:43:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AFishWithoutABicycle Sun 01-Sep-13 11:43:44

If the daughters 15 I'd mind my own. Girls can be mature and its up to get parents to make that judgement IMO.

BrianTheMole Sun 01-Sep-13 11:54:10

It depends. How old is the daughter??

Bowlersarm Sun 01-Sep-13 11:56:08

Tell us how old the daughter is. IMO it does make a difference.

AKissIsNotAContract Sun 01-Sep-13 11:59:09

Are you suggesting someone who works in child protection should stop their daughter from having sex? How? If they ban them from doing it in their house they'll do it in a car/the park etc.

fishunicycle Sun 01-Sep-13 12:49:12

The child involved is 14. (maybe 13).

I'm not suggesting anything.
I want to use this as a sounding board.

I feel the moral dilemma lies in the position of this person condoning the activities in their own house that they vigorously persecute people for in their professional life.

I suppose I have always had a problem with double standards.

millymolls Sun 01-Sep-13 14:59:32

Not sure I'd be condoning this from my daughter and would be making it clear that I thought her too young etc, however, equally I'd want to know she was safe and taking care of her....the reality of it is you can't stop teenagers having sex if they want to. I don't see this impacts their position.

OneHandFlapping Sun 01-Sep-13 15:09:21

"...that they vigorously persecute people for..."

Er do you mean prosecute or is that a Freudian slip?

SauvignonBlanche Sun 01-Sep-13 15:49:25

Do you really think paedophiles are persecuted? hmm
I do hope that was a typo or autocorrect.

HappySunflower Sun 01-Sep-13 15:51:26

For me, this is less of a moral issue and more of a safeguarding/childrotection issue due to the child's age.

In your position, I would be making a report to my local children's services department.

VashtaNerada Sun 01-Sep-13 15:56:48

Not sure why some people are so dismissive! A 19 yo sleeping with a 13/14 yo is of concern. It's difficult because your only option (aside from what you've done) is to report the BF to the police which I'm not sure would be helpful here. I suppose you have to use your judgement on how healthy the relationship is (a 13/14 yo can't actually 'consent' legally).

VashtaNerada Sun 01-Sep-13 15:57:54

(Or social services as suggested ^^)

fishunicycle Sun 01-Sep-13 19:58:45

blush Typoe... blush

I don't want the child in this to suffer, as would surely happen if it was reported to SS.

I also suspect that if this were reported to the Police that they would rally round the individual to protect them? (As they work together).

Don't know if my moral compass is confused or not here..

HappySunflower Sun 01-Sep-13 20:31:39

This child is in need of protection, and, from what you say, her family are not offering her that protection.
Involving the police and social services would be the first step towards keeping her safe.

fishunicycle Sun 01-Sep-13 21:09:01

OK, that's one viewpoint.
How would one go about doing this anonymously - assuming that's what I chose to do?
Would it be taken seriously if it was done anonymously?

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