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Residency order - where my son goes to school

(4 Posts)
BlackFrancis Wed 28-Aug-13 21:14:54

Hi thanks for reading this I'd appreciate advice from anyone who has any knowledge or advice about getting a specific residency order for where my son goes to school. I split from his father when he was 18 months old, hes nearly 4. His father is a good dad and we have remained civil and he has had him 3 nights a week for the past 2 years, I have him the majority of the week sat eve - wed eve he has been in the same nursery for the duration mon -wed and I have recently bought my own home after moving back with my mum until I'd got a deposit together.

His father lives an hour away so our current set up will change when he starts school next September, his father wants him to go to school and live with him Monday to Friday, I want him to go to school with me, this is the big one its been the elephant in the room for 2 years and things are coming to a head. His father has signed a new contract at work swapping his 'weekend' to Friday / Saturday so working Sunday and has said this means there's no option but for him to go to school there. His job is very inflexible in nature, I work full time Monday to Friday but work flexi hours and can work from home. My mum is retired and lives round the corner and currently picks him up from nursery early most days. His father relies heavily on a child minder and has no family locally he admits he would rely on a breakfast club / childminder at each end of the day which I find massively frustrating as the majority of the time I'd would drop my son and my mum would collect him and I think this is is a more stable situation.

Anyway we can't agree and his father has taken to bullying tactics, he is completely against going through the legal system but I see no other option. I suffered from severe postnatal depression after my sons birth and had a night in hospital after overdosing on my medication and painkillers and social services generated a report of this incident at the time which outlined that it was a one off mistake and my son was not in any danger, which was exactly what it was. I recovered quickly after I left the relationship and haven't had any issues since his father has threatened that this will be 'aired in public' and that also my financial situation will be scrutinised (I have recently taken on a mortgage on my own have a very small student loan and couple of grand on a credit card I'm hardly in the gutter) he also says 'the courts will make decisions about other things and we wont be able to change them!? we both have careers nice houses access to good schools etc so are virtually even Stevens in that respect.

So I'm seeing a solicitor on Friday I just want this decision made so we can get on with our lives it's been hanging over me for this whole time. Ex is pushing for an 'adult conversation' face to face so he can try his usual manipulation act and I am resisting. Will the court see us as huge time wasters? Will this change with his working week win favour? What can I do to make my situation stronger? Is he clutching at straws I'm finding all of this very hard it's dragging up some horrible feelings from our relationship which I'd hoped were dead and buried sad

HeySoulSister Thu 29-Aug-13 10:32:35

Will your ds be starting school with anyone from nursery? He has friendships already?

mineswine Thu 29-Aug-13 12:42:51

I have no legal background, but would have thought the needs of your son are the priority not the needs of his parents. Your ex's proposal sounds like it would a bigger change to the current arrangement than your proposal and not necessarily in DS best interests. Does he go to nursery near where you live? Are you the one in receipt of child benefit and WTC, is he registered at the same GP as you, not sure if any of this is relevant.

If you feel you and ex can't come to an amicable solution, I would strongly suggest you take legal advise, interesting that he doesn't want to go down this route, maybe he knows already he wouldn't have a strong case and wants to bully you into agreeing to what he wants.

Good luck OP.

BlackFrancis Thu 29-Aug-13 22:05:35

Thank you for the replies

Heysoulsister the nursery he goes to is a few miles away so he won't necessarily be starting school with his friends although I believe there are one or two that are close to us this is a good point and I will confirm. The same applies to the exs situation, in both cases there will be a change going to school.

Mineswine i think you are right. I had a consultation last year with the solicitor and yes I receive the child benefit he's registered with my GP dentist etc here I have him the majority of the week etc and she advised that we would just move 'his days' from Thursday to Saturday to Friday to Sunday on him starting school it's just this new work thing he's pulled out the bag which had thrown me.

I'm also concerned about some of the things he's been saying to our little one which he's then repeated to me 'daddy is sad when I'm here, daddy cries for me, he wants me to stay etc etc' I struggle when my son isn't here but understand its best for him to see us both as much as possible and am positive about him being with his father. Quite frankly if he can't manipulate me into giving him his on way on this issue I fear he may up the ante brain washing our child.

Seeing the solicitor at lunch tomorrow ill let you know how I get on thanks again for reading x

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