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Need advice on divorce/moving out(2 Posts)
Currently living with DH, we've been really on/off since last year and finally had enough. Problem is I'm not sure how to extricate myself.
Here's the situation. We are both disabled and on benefits, claim is in his name and goes to his bank account (which I have no access to - I know I know.. ), so I only have money when he gives it to me - he's mostly good but it's a source of many arguments. I have no savings, never anything left over at the end of the month.
We live in a council flat in a town midway between his parents and mine. I don't want to stay here, I want to move to somewhere where I have a support network.
So, I need to work out how to move out, how to separate finances and how to get a divorce. Most of this boils down to money and the awful benefits system.
I've been told I can't claim separately to him while living with him. But I don't want to move out and then wait however long it takes for them to pay me. I've got a little one to think about, and while I can (and have) survived on bread and water before I'm not doing it to him.
So I can't claim before I move out, and I daren't move out until I know I can afford food and bills.
I'm also worried about how I'm going to move somewhere, I have no money for a deposit and/or moving costs. I might be able to get some help from my father, but he's self employed and struggling himself.
I've also been told that I'm unlikely to be able to get a council house while we are still married, and we can't afford a divorce.
There's no DV (thank god) so know that there's not so much help for my situation. Rightly, but not helpful to me.
You can register for, and perhaps get, a council house while you're still married. And you can do it without his knowing if you want to, and if you're careful (have correspondence sent to another address etc). You say no DV but sounds like money has been an issue between you and that it's your decision alone to split... you might want to talk to someone (eg Women's Aid) to get a view on what's been going on. Hope I'm not speaking out of turn here.
Could you move in with your parents temporarily?
Although you can't make a separate claim now, you could at least talk to the benefits office about what that would entail and how to make sure it's processed as quickly as possible, eg have form filled in and all your evidence gathered, any queries about it answered so you can submit it the day you move. You could ask CAB for advice, and/or use a web site like www.turn2us.org.uk to find out what you'd be entitled to. www.rightsofwomen.org.uk has an excellent advice line about the legal stuff.
How much does your disability affect your ability to cope on your own, ie are you entitled to any extra help... are questions which occur to me.
I planned a whole move with my 3 and 5 year old (had contents insurance, post forwarding etc all in place) secretly, to get away from my abusive husband whilst ensuring my children were given as much stability as possible in that situation. It's all possible. Also I found if I took trusted friends into my confidence I got lots of practical, even financial help from them.
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