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travelling for contact

(10 Posts)
SeaweedAndSandDunes Mon 27-May-13 11:10:08

My ex has began seeing 7 m/o DS once a week after loosing contact for a while.
I was just wondering who is expected to travel when contact is supervised? I have offered for him to see DS at my flat or elsewhere nearby, but ex wants me to travel 45 minutes (bus as I no longer have an insured car) to see him at a cafe/pub.

Would ex be expected to do the travelling while he's a baby, or should DS be taken to him all/some of the time. And would a court look on it badly if I don't?

Beckamaw Mon 27-May-13 12:37:01

As far as I know, usually you are expected to meet in the middle, if this is possible for both parties.
I would, however, think that under your circumstances, it is quite unreasonable for him to expect you to travel so far on a bus, with a small baby. What are the alternatives?
There are a few things that could be clarified:
Did you previously live together?
If so, which of you has moved?
Is he expecting for these meetings to take place right near his residence?

SeaweedAndSandDunes Mon 27-May-13 12:59:13

We have never lived together so neither of us has moved, and yes it's about 5 minute walk from the house he's living at.

Halfway isn't possible as it's countryside between the 2 towns, so the options are here, at my flat or park area or pub, or his town at a grass area or cafe/pub (his houseshare doesn't allow children)

Beckamaw Mon 27-May-13 15:24:30

So presumably he knew there would be a distance to travel to see his child?
Does he drive/have access to a car?
I'm wondering if this is a way to avoid contact, yet make you look like the one preventing it. A father should move heaven and earth to see his child!
Can't see a court calling you unreasonable at all.

SeaweedAndSandDunes Mon 27-May-13 18:20:26

He has a car but lost his license for drink driving, think it's a few years ban.

I would agree with it being him trying to get out of contact, but then I don't see why he's got back into contact to see him again.

So can I just stick to ex seeing him here, without risking looking like I'm being unreasonable?
or should I double check with a solicitor do you think?

NatashaBee Mon 27-May-13 18:38:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeaweedAndSandDunes Mon 27-May-13 19:02:22

He will intend to take him to pub/cafe still, we had that conversation when he was 2 weeks and it was tipping it down, and I was called pathetic and told he's gonna have to get used to the cold so no point pandering to him (needless to say I didn't end up taking him..!)

lostdad Tue 28-May-13 12:20:33

There is nothing in law about who does what concerning travelling to facilitate contact. In theory you should work out something with your ex between you and come up with something that is in the best interests of your DS.

Forget who pays what, who's `job' it is, etc. - the only thing that matters is your DS' best interests.

lostdad Tue 28-May-13 12:21:33

And to add - sometimes that can mean doing something that should be the ex's responsibility because otherwise your DS will lose out.

I've been on the end of that particular stick on several occasions. wink

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Tue 28-May-13 12:42:29

I think at this stage you could try explaining that initial contact would be better at your place so that it is familiar for your DS whilst they get to know each other.

You could agree to negotiate the location of contact later on once he has been consistant in seeing his son.

Then it may be worth considering an alternate rota for travelling. One week you travel to him, the next he travels to you.

Does he have a family member near him who would let the contact take place there? Somewhere more consistant then a cafe etc?

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