Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Family law and access for NRP help please

(30 Posts)
ladyjadey Thu 16-May-13 21:21:14

EX has not seen DD, apart from on the day of birth and once a couple of days later. After much interior wrangling nearly 3 years on, I went to csa for maintenance. Ex insisted on DNA and got the result and demand for payment.

Ex now sending messages via FB which I will not respond to demanding access and threatening court action. Trying to spook me into response naming firm as Russell, JOnes and Walker. Googled it, seems they are no longer called that and his local office only does personal injury. Hmmm!

He is not on BC and does not have PR. If he sees a real solicitor, what should I expect to happen? What will it cost me to fight him?

I truly believe he has no interest in DD, only trying to reduce CSA costs. When I take my feelings out of the equation, I can not see any benefits of DD having contact. She has a stable and loving family life and does not deserve to be messed around.

Please please advise me, I am fairly sure he is trying to scare me but I would feel better if I can prepare myself just in case.

mumandlawyer Sun 19-May-13 18:41:20

In my experience there would be a very short period of supported contact in the first instance with an element of supervision given the child's age. If there are no welfare concerns there would be no lenghty period of supported/supervised contact. If the contact is safe then the Court will want to commence a natural father/child relationship as soon as possible as this is what is in the child's best interests. The fact that this father has not been around/messed about over the money side of things will hold very little weight as far as a barrier to contact is concerned. I am afraid that the fact that they share genes is the point. The issues that mothers' believe should be a bar to contact are often considered not to be by a Court. Stay away from the court, offer some supported contact to start with whilst your DD becomes familiar with her father and then get the contact ball rolling. Stay away from court proceedings and you may ultimately stay in control.

betterthanever Mon 20-May-13 09:34:28

I have been horrified over the last few months to hear many lawyers make broad, general statements regarding the treatment of children. They scare monger and talk a lot of rhetoric for one main reason - to get people scared into agreeing to contact so that they can then represent people who want it. ....who tend to be men who in the main have more income and now legal aid has gone for most family cases will be the main people seeking/able to have representation.
Children's emotional state is protected by many, many organisations including the court and I agree more with mumandlawyer that it may be a short period but there would be supported contact at the very least. As with any case the individual details regarding your DD would be looked into. The reaction of the child would be taken into consideration. Children are not pieces of furniture that can just be handed about as and when, no matter what.
I still stand by what many have said previous and try and avoid court but please don't panic OP contact would be introducted slowly and monitored. Your ex would not just be able to walk into court and get a final order.. nothing when it comes to chidlren is ever final anyway.

ladyjadey Mon 20-May-13 14:29:58

The biggest issue for me right now is that I don't believe he actually wants contact. If I thought he genuinely did, I would be a little more forgiving - after all this is about DD, not me, not him.

I think he is trying to frighten me, not because he wants to see her, he never has before. He wants me to drop the CSA case against him to get him to leave us alone.

He is indeed in the police, yes. I think he is name dropping with the law firm and hasn't seen anyone.

I cannot believe for one second that anyone would make me hand over DD to a complete stranger initially without supervision.

I don't want to have to go through the courts, i don't really think it will come to that because I'm fairly certain he can't afford it, I don't think he is serious and I think he is scaremongering.

I intend to just wait for now and see if I have any official contact from him, something of substance and not just whiny, threratening facebook messages.

cestlavielife Mon 20-May-13 14:57:00

be prepared to offer supported contact - who could do this? friend/relative? where? local library /soft play? look up local contact centre for information if you want to propose that - ask what service they provide if he is serious he will happily go along with supported contact initially - this could be over period of several months . she wont be suddenly going overnights wih him.

at the end of the day you do need to explain to dd who her bio dad is = and if he asking for contact then support her thru that. if he is paying thru CSA then as much as money and contact is separate, it is to be expected that if you going to a lot of trouble to prove he is her father, you might expect the outcome of that quest to be some level of contact.

initially it may be akin to a distant relative, until sufificient regular contact has happened you all comfortable... obviously if he doesnt turn up etc you will monitor that .

ladyjadey Mon 20-May-13 15:11:20

Thanks for the link - that is really helpful

She does know my DP is not her real dad but her level of understanding is not great yet, I have always maintained I will be truthful on this matter.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now