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How much do I tell xh's solicitor about his latest breach of court order in the run up to him taking me to court for more access?

(15 Posts)
Readyisknitting Wed 15-May-13 20:18:47

Xh is alcoholic, and was abusive, violence, and so on when married. I fled nearly 4yrs ago. There is a court order in place that gives him unsupervised access every other Saturday 10am to 5pm. There is also an agreement in places where he's not allowed to drive the children, or comsume alcohol for 24h prior to contact or during contact.In Nov 2012 I asked for permission to take the children to France on holiday (that's another thread in itself!) He refused, then said he'd grant permission if I let him have overnights.

I believe I would be negligent to allow the children to stay overnight with someone who has a history of violence, especially when drunk, and on one occasion towards dd1. So he's taking me to court to apply for overnights. I have tried to mediate through his solicitor, and have even suggested a court standard test to demonstrate sobriety, where I pick up the cost if it came back showing sobriety, and he pay if it showed still drinking to excess.

Last Sat, the Sat just gone, he had the children. He took them on the bus to where he lives. At 5.10 pm I texted him to ask where the children were. At 5.20 I rang, having had no reply to the text. He had his phone on loud speaker, and said they were on the bus. He refused to say where exactly, and was encouraging the children to make silly comments.

By now it was 5.25. I rang the police, and they logged it as an active case. The nice lady said she'd chat to her supervisor about what they could do, and rang off, having taken some info. XH then rang again, and said they were now in a village about 30 mins away by the bus, 15 mins by car. He then began encouraging the children to say several phrases that had been used in the past for abuse, and meant the same way now. I felt I had no choice but to hang up.

The woman from the police rang back, to let me know what her supervisor thought. When I told her about xh encouraging the dc to say stuff I was told that it changed everything, and it was now being upgraded to a current dv incident. A couple of nice officers came and supervised pick up, because he is often verbally abusive at pick up, (because he has been drinking usually, he does on every contact despite the undertaking). This time it went smoothly, the dc arrived finally at 6.10, and we went home.

My question is this (sorry for the essay!) After contact, where he has broken the order, I write to his sol stating that he had been drinking, it is very disappointing, etc etc. Now with the court date looming, do I just say the that they were late, unacceptable, or do I give the police ref, and that there is another DV log, with full details? I plan to email cafcass the police ref for their records, and a record of the incident, as I see it as another example of his emotional abuse of the children, the dd's in particular. Thing is, I need it to get before a judge so I can ask for the holiday permission.

Not taken it back to court myself, as we are too skint for the court fee, but dp's income is just over the threshold for any help. Holiday is courtesy of fil, who doesn't like going away on his own, and so pays for us to go with him.

UpTheFRIGGinDuff Wed 15-May-13 20:21:33

Tell them everything.

MrsBertBibby Wed 15-May-13 20:41:56

Everything out in the open from day one. Judges hate anything that looks like an ambush.

Have you done a C1A setting out your concerns? If not, do it immediately, file it at court, with copies for you, him & CAFCASS. Send a copy straight to CAFCASS as well. Find C1A on the Justice website.

You may not be eligible for legal aid, but you will almost certainly get a reduction on any court fees, by the way, the court office can give you the form.

Readyisknitting Wed 15-May-13 20:47:35

C1A already submitted, had to submit within 2 weeks of receiving the papers. already tried the online calculator, we are just over the threshold. Dp's wage looks ok until you factor in the horrific mortgage from buying out his xw.

I am self repping, so will email all to xh solicitors. I don't envy them with their client!

kittycat68 Thu 16-May-13 09:19:10

Op, you need to apply for a residence order. Do this now and it could be heard at the same time as the contact order, this is usual. A residence order in your favour would mean you would be able to take them on holiday for up to 28 days without your EX permisssion.

Readyisknitting Thu 16-May-13 13:01:55

Would I need to pay the court fee if I did that? Xh's local fam court is not mine, would that make a difference?

kittycat68 Thu 16-May-13 14:27:52

you would have to apply to the court thats dealing with the contact issues. yes you would have to pay the court fee when applying for the order its about £175.00. you can download all the forms from the court.
As it would be heard at the same time it would save another lot of hearings. You can also apply for the hearings to be moved closer to you as you have the children smile .

kittycat68 Thu 16-May-13 14:31:10

residency order is also proof to benefits agencies etc . i am supprised your ex has not applied for one, perhaps hes been advised he wouldnt get it by his solicitorsmile!!

iheartdusty Fri 17-May-13 19:22:19

kittycat68 is right that an application means a fee, but where there are existing proceedings the judge may let you just add it into the case without an extra application and fee.

When you write to the court telling them everything, ( with a complete copy to CAFCASS and exH), put in the covering letter that you want to apply for a residence order because exH can't be trusted to abide by the terms of contact. This 'ties it it' more to the existing facts rather than your holiday wishes.

Readyisknitting Fri 17-May-13 20:10:55

I've already replied to the papers (only had 14 days to do so). Can I write and add it in? Agree that in hindsight it would have been the better idea.

I am sending CAFCASS the letter detailing Sat afternoons mess, I don't yet have an officer assigned to the case, that I know of. Am in court on the 5th.

Can I apply at this stage to move it to my local court? The only advantage his local court has is that I've been there for all previous hearings, and so it's less scary.

iheartdusty Fri 17-May-13 20:11:50

yes, write in with all requests, they will be considered on the 5th. Remember copies to everyone.

Readyisknitting Fri 17-May-13 20:25:27

Ok, thank you. Will get writing over the weekend. Do I just write or do another C1A? Sorry, total novice!

Readyisknitting Fri 17-May-13 20:26:50

Cannot believe he pulled that stunt a month before HIS court case!

(That's him taking me to court)

iheartdusty Fri 17-May-13 20:50:14

just write for now, if judge wants another c1A s/he will tell you

Readyisknitting Fri 17-May-13 20:55:35

OK. Thank you very much flowers

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