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legally how much does 'd'h have to see the children

(11 Posts)
2anddone Fri 12-Apr-13 16:07:39

My husband walked out on us 3 weeks ago while he decided whether he wanted to live with us or not. Since then he has been round every night to put dc to bed. He still hasn't decided if he wants to come home but I am starting to believe he won't. If he leaves legally how much contact time does he have to have? He has a very quick temper and I am not happy for him to have dc without someone present as although he has never hurt any of us I have had to step in on numerous occasions to calm him down once the dc aged 4 and 7 start to wind him up.

HeySoulSister Fri 12-Apr-13 16:57:58

the aim it seems these days is, without welfare issues 50/50 residency.....doesn't have to be strictly half the time in each home,its a starting point tho

you would have to go to mediation prhaps,then court....can you afford a prolonged court case to prove his 'quick temper'?

in the meantime,contact the csa for maintenence

lostdad Fri 12-Apr-13 18:02:52

There is nothing about what he should have 'legally'.

Talk to him. Go to mediation.

Contact is for the kids. If you stopping contact you stopping them seeing their dad. Not stopping your ex seeing his kids.

Seriously. Do not go down the line of 'how little can I get away with' because your kidswill be the biggest losers. If you have concerns speak to him about tthem go to mediation.

Don't give him an ultimatum, lay down the law and hope he goes along with it. THAT is a good way to end up in court - and believe me you really don't want to end up there.

Alwayscheerful Fri 12-Apr-13 18:07:58

Every other weekend and amfew hours or an overnight stay once on a weeknight tends to be a popular arrangement.

If he has a temper best to base access on how well he copes.

It's very early days you must be feeling raw but you will need a break, see how he copes and work towards some free time for yourself the time for the children ro enjoy seeing their Dad.

Xenia Sat 13-Apr-13 07:42:28

You may not think it best for the children for him to be round at your house for contact though as in a sense he is using things a bit by taking advantage - he does tucking in, you do children's washing. As said above you need to think what is best for them and also if you work full time as I do you may need him to have them quite a bit so that you can replace the lost income now you are running two households between you. If he has them every other week then it will make it easier for you in terms of a full time job.

MOSagain Sat 13-Apr-13 15:24:37

I'm sorry but I don't agree that the aim now is 50/50 residency. That is just not the case and it is just not practical in most situations.

The 'norm' used to be along the lines of the children residing with mother and the father having contact (staying) alternate weekends, up to half the holidays and sometimes mid-week if 'dobale' taking into account the circumstances.

balia Sat 13-Apr-13 19:18:33

I think it helps to understand the legal meaning of the words - Joint Residence is becoming much more common - it means that both parents are considered to have equal responsibility for their children.(And rightly so) It doesn't mean 50/50 shared care, necessarily - most parents work out between them a mutually acceptable amount.

Not absolutely sure why you would WANT someone you don't trust unsupervised around your children to move back in, though?

familylawyerlouise Thu 18-Apr-13 16:11:24

Joint residence does not mean that both parents have equal responsibility. Shared Parental Responsibility (which both parents have if they are married) means equal responsibility for decisions regarding upbrining. Joint residence means that children live with both parents although not necessarily for 50% of the time. You need to decide how much of a risk he poses to the children before you make any decisions. If you decide that he does pose a real risk then think about how contact can take place in order to eliminate any risk. Mediation is always a good place to start to discuss these issues and try to find a way forward. It's still legally aided if you're financially eligible.

WTFisABooyhoo Thu 18-Apr-13 16:15:50

so did you never leave the dcs alone with him before he moved out?

Snazzynewyear Thu 18-Apr-13 16:18:53

I don't think the current arrangement is helpful. He gets the best of both worlds. Was it his idea to come and tuck them in every night?

iloveweetos Thu 18-Apr-13 16:22:27

You need to get something in place soon, as the children will get confused. You need them to see that you aren't together and they understand that as much as children can.
the arrangement i have in place is alternate weekends and half of summer holidays and any extra days to be arranged between us.
You could even have an evening during the week too. (you'll be grateful for the time off lol)
Maybe to start off with, a few hours every week and then build upto overnight, just to see how he copes, but he may not like that. But its a start, ask how much time he would like, and then try and meet in the middle.
Avoid court at all costs and agree as much between yourselves as possible.

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