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child issues

(16 Posts)
bgc2001 Thu 04-Apr-13 07:45:43

hi guys im new to this so please bear with me. my ex wife to whom i have a 7yr old son, has remarried and now wants her new husband to have parental rights. she says it is to help with medical issues (he is being diagnosed with autism and adhd) but i am wary of other intentions sad how does this affect me as his father? and am i right to be concerned or just being edgy for no reason??

RedHelenB Thu 04-Apr-13 09:20:28

Are you very involved with your son or do you not see him? If you are involved I would say there is no need for it, if you aren't i can see how it will help make her life easier & there is no point in being a dog in the manger about it.

prh47bridge Thu 04-Apr-13 10:01:32

It is parental responsibility, not parental rights.

If you have PR she cannot give her new husband PR without your consent. If he does get PR you would still have the right to a say in your son's education, medical treatment, etc. It would mean that the stepfather also has a say in those matters. It would also mean that you would need the consent of both your ex and her new husband before taking your son out of the country. It would not affect contact, residence or maintenance.

bgc2001 Thu 04-Apr-13 14:10:55

dont get to see much of him as she moved back to durham when we split, i live in leeds and not easy with full time job and a little daughter. plus he is not allowed to visit as it disrupts his routine too much sad

bgc2001 Thu 04-Apr-13 14:12:36

iv also been told that she can get parental responsibility without my consent through the courts. im just concerned as to his name being changed and contact being cut to nil. i get no say at all in any matters as it is and feel this is a further attempt to remove me from his life

RedHelenB Thu 04-Apr-13 14:16:35

It may not be easy but he's your son & just as important as your daughter. Get contact sorted!

LaurieFairyCake Thu 04-Apr-13 14:17:22

Leeds and Durham are not far away from each other so if you're not visiting enough then you need to.

I think you'd be daft to give up PR. Theres no reason to if you're an involved parent.

He's 7 and that's plenty old enough to come to stay with you, is it really about it being disruptive?

balia Thu 04-Apr-13 14:31:16

I can't help feeling that it matters far less who has PR if you don't bother to see him much. If you are aware that your ex is trying to remove you from your son's life, what are you going to do about it?

Fleecyslippers Thu 04-Apr-13 14:39:02

Leeds is 90 minutes drive from Durham. if at the minute, he is not 'allowed' to come to you, then you go and see him and make sure that you are doing everything in your power to remain a committed, caring and responsible parent. Give your Ex no 'excuses' to try and push you out of his life. Are you supporting him financially ? Have you been to mediation to sort out contact ?

bgc2001 Thu 04-Apr-13 15:02:38

I have contact and speak to him as often as possible. I don't drive so getting from Leeds to Durham isn't as easy as made out. I support him and provide for him as best I can, I just wanted abit of info. Thanks all

prh47bridge Thu 04-Apr-13 16:16:44

Yes it is possible for they could try to get him PR through the courts without your consent. That doesn't mean they would succeed.

LaurieFairyCake - No-one is asking the OP to give up PR.

Fleecyslippers Thu 04-Apr-13 16:23:24

In that case I can undertstand why they are also seeking PR. If you can't travel to attend medical appts/assessments etc it seems fair enough that his step dad can have PR and would probably be in your sons best interests for him to be able to act on any medical matters.

Posterofapombear Thu 04-Apr-13 16:28:54

If you live that far away and don't drive it's probably in your sons best interest for his stepdad to also have PR in case of emergency.

I'm not sure what else you think they could use it for? You will still have PR and a say.

monsterchild Thu 04-Apr-13 17:07:20

Why can't the mom give her husband power of attorney for these issues? Perhaps you could suggest that? Also kids love herring Peters so you can keep contract by writing letters too!

balia Thu 04-Apr-13 18:00:42

Leeds to Durham on the train takes 1 hour and 10 minutes.

Hope that bit of info is helpful.

lostdad Thu 04-Apr-13 18:10:21

I'll be blunt: If you are an involved father do not agree to this. There is no reason why he should have this.

Without PR he could take your child to a hospital/doctors for emergency treatment. With PR he can authorise, well, anything without asking what you think.

In law you have a right to be `consulted' on issues such as education and medical issues but in reality this means pretty much nothing.

Furthermore you will be obliged to consult him if you make a decision in terms of medicine. And on top of this he can do things like apply for a contact order, etc. if things go wrong. Without it he needs to the leave of the court.

I strongly advise you contact Families Need Fathers on this issue - google them and give them a call as they'll be able to advise on this. PM me if you want more info.

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