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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

Can I prosecute him for blackmail?

21 replies

Undertone · 29/03/2013 05:54

Long story, but I was with a guy for several months and it meant that he was cheating on a girl with whom she was in a long distance relationship. Our relationship ended last year, and now I understand that this girl will be moving across the world soon to live with him.

I stupidly contacted him last night to beg him to tell her that he had been unfaithful so she could make an informed decision to change her life for him or not.

He threatened to circulate nude photos of me that are still in his possession, if i contacted her and told her the truth. I have this threat in writing.

Can i prosecute him for this blackmail alone? If not, and he does post the photos online or to my boss or whatever, can i prosecute him once this has happened?

To pre-empt some responses:

Yes i know it was stupid
No i am not a silly teenager. I am 29 and he is 34
The fact he has threatened me makes me more determined to expose him as a cheating scumbag. Yes I know I should walk away.

OP posts:

Report

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 07:33

As I have said on your other thread. No. You can potentially sue him for various things. As I detailed on your other thread. But you contacted him cost and he would be advised to make counter allegations and bring a counter suit.

It would get very nasty cost a bomb and you would look like a loon.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 07:33

Contacted him first. Phone auto correct.

Collaborate · 29/03/2013 07:48

Let me just check if I've got this straight. He says that if you speak to someone else about something private between you both, then he will disclose to others something else private between you both.

I know your OP doesn't say you've threatened to tell her, but really, he's struggling to see why, if you tell his girlfriend about your relationship, he wouldn't be at liberty to tell others all about it too, and show them the photos.

greencolorpack · 29/03/2013 07:54

Undertone, I would just leave well alone. If he breaks his new girlfriend's heart, is that really something you need to be involved with? She knows him too and is presumably a grown up and knows this is a big step to move across the world. Maybe she has contingency plans if it does go wrong. Or they might live happily ever after.

BrunellaPommelhorse · 29/03/2013 07:55

Oh fgs.leave well alone.

BrunellaPommelhorse · 29/03/2013 07:56

Why do you give a shit about her making an informed decision ? Leave her to her own fate. You sound vindictive.

Undertone · 29/03/2013 08:07

Hi all - yes i posted this in _Chat too. The advice there was the same and now I am certain i will not be pursuing this.

Sorry i got tunnel-vision through the outrage i felt about him being willing to expose sexual images of me. It felt like such a violation. But it's my own fault that he made the threat, even if it is his fault we're in this situation.

OP posts:

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 08:16

Undertone. You need to open your eyes. It's not ALL his fault. If you had done the sensible normal thing and LET IT GO AND NOT CONTACTED HIM THREATENING HIM he wouldn't have mentioned the photos.

It was a six month AFFAIR. You are totally over-thinking it and obsessing about it.

Undertone · 29/03/2013 08:20

Freddie - i clearly state above that i know it is my fault for instigating the threat.

I need to take a look at myself. People are expressing very strong feelings about this, and i need to figure out why it has surprised me so much.

OP posts:

greencolorpack · 29/03/2013 08:20

Undertone yes it is outrageous what he was threatening but maybe he is calling your bluff and doesn't actually intend to do it, he just really wants to make a go of this relationship?

I don't really understand the context of the sexual photos being taken. Why do this and risk falling out with the person and this happening? Or were the photos taken without your consent cos I think that would be a police matter right there.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 08:21

The photos were taken with the OPs consent. There's a thread in chat. She was the OW. he's now going to marry the GF. the op has found out and contacted him yesterday telling him to fess up to the fiancée or she will spill the beans about the affair.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 08:22

You're obsessing about this undertone. You're not letting it go. And to be honest you're coming across as a genuine psychotic stalker ex.

sunnyday123 · 29/03/2013 08:26

You sound jealous tbh that he's ultimately chosen her. I'd leave well alone

Undertone · 29/03/2013 08:29

Freddie have i offended you?

I am listening and this is helping. I know my behaviour was terrible to contact him. It's been no contact since December though except for one time he tried to email me. Hearing about the engagement was a shock. I hd no idea i was the OW and she has no idea he has been cheating on her with a string of women in the UK.

But it is not my problem and i will no longer involve myself in their situation.

OP posts:

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 08:31

I have posted on the other thread. I am sorry if I seem harsh.
I'm posting here what I put on the other thread.

I don't mean to seem harsh. I'm sorry if I do. But honestly I suspect your self esteem was low before you met him, he fed on that, and you feel used.

That's ok. As long as you see it for what it was and learn from it. But obsessing with going to the police at silly o'clock in the morning or sitting at night and texting him or contacting him however you did it really isn't healthy.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 08:33

He is every kind of a shit. Absolutely. If you genuinely didn't know.

But. He dropped you to be with the girlfriend. in October. And now he's marrying her.

If I were you I'd be getting down on my knees and thanking all the Gods in creation you're not her. You have had a lucky escape. You're just too close to see it right now and that makes me want to batter you about the head with a wet haddock.

quietlysuggests · 29/03/2013 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 08:45

Quietly I must disagree strongly with what you just posted.

quietlysuggests · 29/03/2013 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 11:25

No. I don't.

I didn't say that.

Sure, tell the op to go to the police, report a hypothetical thing that by her own admission hasn't happened yet, let her unleash a shit storm of epic proportions.

Freddiemisagreatshag · 29/03/2013 11:27

And. The pics were taken with the ops knowledge and consent. She's on v sticky legal ground. Especially considering the man concerned was having nothing to do with her for MONTHS and its only because of her threatening him that he even had anything to do with her.

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