Hi there.
I'm sorry for posting what must be a regular topic of discussion on here but I am really hanging on by a thread. The past 5 years have entailed losing both of my lovely parents under tragic circumstances age 54 and 55, the birth of my son which nearly killed us both, and to top that off realising that I'd married an emotionally/occasionally dometically abusive twunt (whose true colours only showed when I fell pregnant). After 5 years of this I had a light bulb moment at the end of last year and knew I couldn't live another year like it.
So - after having a frank conversation with my husband who finally admitted that "he loves me but not in that way" although is prepared to stay sleeping on the sofa in this bizarre set up for the sake of our sons happiness until he is 16 - I however am not, and no longer wish to be controlled and bullied by this man.
Which leads me on to my request for advice please as he becomes very heated when I try and discuss the next step.
He has accepted that I am not prepared to live like this and so we will be divorcing. He wants to avoid solicitors as much as possible.
He has his own business, of which I am a 40% share holder, the current balance in his business account is approx £35k.
We have the family house which is jointly mortgaged, it's worth £240k, the mortgage is £170k.
There are no savings and his pension is small.
He draws a monthly dividend from his business of £2000 a month. I earn £8832 a year working part time (as I wasn't allowed to put our son in a nursery so had to give up my career - I know I shouldn't have allowed this but I was still so low from my Dad dying I felt I couldn't stand up for myself).
My tax credits would equate to approx £540 a month, my Child Benefit approx £96 a month, and my maintenance from him for our son as I would have custody (he's too busy!) would be £500 a month.
So that gives me a monthly income of £1872.00. Our monthly mortgage repayments are £650 a month and I have no debts etc.
I desperately want to stay in the family home with DS, when my Mum died last year he fell to bits as he was so close to her and I am terrified of the impact this huge change will have on him. Not only that but we live in a little village and his school is 2 mins down the road, our neighbours kids are his best friends and it's just his world. I know kids are resiliant, I appreciate that - but this is all I want for him.
If we had to sell up and move out, I wouldn't be able to get back on the property ladder as my salary wouldn't give me a decent mortgage, not only that but I would probably end up paying more in rent than I would if I were to stay put and pay the monthly mortgage.
I am not asking for H to sign the house over to me, just to alllow our DS and I to live there until he has got his head around the new changes.
My H is adamant that the only way he will go is if I were to find the money to buy him out, which is near impossible unless I win the lottery.
I just want some peace in my life now.
Thank you in advance, and apologies for the length of the post!
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I need some advice please, hanging on by a thread. Separation/divorce and home.
8 replies
Oddsox2 · 26/03/2013 12:56
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