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I need some advice please, hanging on by a thread. Separation/divorce and home.

(9 Posts)
Oddsox2 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:56:16

Hi there.
I'm sorry for posting what must be a regular topic of discussion on here but I am really hanging on by a thread. The past 5 years have entailed losing both of my lovely parents under tragic circumstances age 54 and 55, the birth of my son which nearly killed us both, and to top that off realising that I'd married an emotionally/occasionally dometically abusive twunt (whose true colours only showed when I fell pregnant). After 5 years of this I had a light bulb moment at the end of last year and knew I couldn't live another year like it.

So - after having a frank conversation with my husband who finally admitted that "he loves me but not in that way" although is prepared to stay sleeping on the sofa in this bizarre set up for the sake of our sons happiness until he is 16 - I however am not, and no longer wish to be controlled and bullied by this man.

Which leads me on to my request for advice please as he becomes very heated when I try and discuss the next step.

He has accepted that I am not prepared to live like this and so we will be divorcing. He wants to avoid solicitors as much as possible.

He has his own business, of which I am a 40% share holder, the current balance in his business account is approx £35k.

We have the family house which is jointly mortgaged, it's worth £240k, the mortgage is £170k.

There are no savings and his pension is small.

He draws a monthly dividend from his business of £2000 a month. I earn £8832 a year working part time (as I wasn't allowed to put our son in a nursery so had to give up my career - I know I shouldn't have allowed this but I was still so low from my Dad dying I felt I couldn't stand up for myself).

My tax credits would equate to approx £540 a month, my Child Benefit approx £96 a month, and my maintenance from him for our son as I would have custody (he's too busy!) would be £500 a month.

So that gives me a monthly income of £1872.00. Our monthly mortgage repayments are £650 a month and I have no debts etc.

I desperately want to stay in the family home with DS, when my Mum died last year he fell to bits as he was so close to her and I am terrified of the impact this huge change will have on him. Not only that but we live in a little village and his school is 2 mins down the road, our neighbours kids are his best friends and it's just his world. I know kids are resiliant, I appreciate that - but this is all I want for him.

If we had to sell up and move out, I wouldn't be able to get back on the property ladder as my salary wouldn't give me a decent mortgage, not only that but I would probably end up paying more in rent than I would if I were to stay put and pay the monthly mortgage.

I am not asking for H to sign the house over to me, just to alllow our DS and I to live there until he has got his head around the new changes.

My H is adamant that the only way he will go is if I were to find the money to buy him out, which is near impossible unless I win the lottery.

I just want some peace in my life now.

Thank you in advance, and apologies for the length of the post!

Oddsox2 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:59:35

I should say although he takes a monthly dividend of £2000 - he also takes a couple of larger yearly ones (approx £5 or £6k) as and when he feels like it. And there's also the cash in hand he takes but I have no way of proving that and have no idea where the cash box is kept...!

UnEggspectedItemInBonnetArea Tue 26-Mar-13 13:05:35

Firstly I am not an expert.

Whether or not you want he wants to avoid solicitors I think you really need to see one.

What does your shareholder agreement say? Could you sell your 40% stake?

I think you need to be prepared for other options than staying in your family home if he is not willing to compromise.

UnEggspectedItemInBonnetArea Tue 26-Mar-13 13:06:16

(Sorry that should have said whether or not he wants)

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 26-Mar-13 14:00:54

You really good legal advice as the value of the business is not just the balance in the bank there will be goodwill and assets. You may find that the value of the business will surprise and without a solicitor you will undersell yourself.

Oddsox2 Tue 26-Mar-13 14:11:50

Lonecat thank you. Do you know how I go about getting the business valued...?

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 26-Mar-13 15:41:43

A good solicitor will be able to give you a ball park from the accounts. I meant to add earlier that with the kind of money your Ex is taking out it could be as you have a mortgage on the house that he will end up owning you money.
After what I have been through my suspicious mind would say he wants to avoid solicitors so you don't know the true value of the business.

KRFamilyLawyer Tue 26-Mar-13 17:55:04

Dear Oddsox2
I am sorry you have had such a difficult time. It is not easy to leave an abusive relationship and I suggest that you get in touch with a support group to help you process that. Where roughly are you based?
In terms of the financial division my view is that you need to find a solicitor and make sure that they understand how important your goal of staying put is to you, and will negotiate for you on that basis. If your husband is intransigent he needs to know that your solicitor is going to hold firm for you and that he is no longer able to bully you.

atworknotworking Tue 26-Mar-13 19:30:53

Sorry to hear your situation, I understand your need to retain the family home for the sake of your dc.

With regard to the business I take it you work part time for another business? does that mean that you have never taken a wage?, you are a 40% shareholder have you ever had a dividend payment?

If not I would be asking your accountant exactly what you are owed, most companies use spousal or shareholders to reduce tax liabilities to some extent, I would check that your dh hasn't been taking dividends on your behalf, as I understand it dividends are usually taken annually (I'm no accountant) it sounds to me that dh takes them regularly, and judging by the amounts the business must be quite profitable, therefore your shareholding will be worth something (prob more than you think, esp to your DH), speak to the accountant, get last accounts online, costs a few quid on companies house, find out exactly whats what and what you are worth, you may be able to negotiate a buy out of your home for shares, esp if your DH has been using your dividend allocation.

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