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CSA/maintenance issues re child of lesbian couple who had assisted conception on the NHS & have now split acrimoniously.

(12 Posts)
chieftainothepuddingrace Tue 05-Mar-13 22:57:08

I'm a long standing member of MN (2006) but have namechanged due to confidentiality issues.

My now ex-partner and I underwent IUI with donor sperm from the European Sperm bank the Glasgow Royal Infirmary Assisted Conception Unit, who were fantastic throughout. Happily, I got pregnant on the first attempt. In order tobe granted funding, we had to undergo extenisve counselling to make sure we were comfortable and prepared to raise our child as lesbian parents. So far so good.

I now have a gorgeous wee 11 month old baby boy who is the light of my life. Unfortunately his '2nd mother' didn't quite feel the same and we were unceremoniously dumped, and thrown out the house when he was only 15 weeks old. When I tied to get back into our shared home, she called 999 and told them she was in a state of fear and alarm (bullsh*t...she was with her new 'lover') and I was taken away in a van and locked in a cell until the early hours of the morning whilst my baby, whim I was breastfeeding, was was my parents.

The only contact I have had from her is a text to say the realtionship is over, she hasn't called, texted or emailed to ask about our son and when I asked her for maintenance, she ignored my texts. I received a letter from her solicitor to c=say that if I continued to contact her, she would take a restraining order out on me.

She also owes me £10,000 from loans I put into what was supposed to be our joint business (I've been shut out of that too) and I initially sought legal advice from a local solicitor whom I'm not happy with as he messed up my application for legal aid and I've had to appeal. 3 Months later I still have had no decision from the Scottish Legal Aid Board.

I would like to ask for any experience of good family lawyers in Glasgow because the CSA have said that even though the HFEA of 2008 gives equal rights and responsibilities to the child as a heterosexual coouple, the CSA 'haven't caught up with the law yet' and won't pursue my case for child maintenance.

If anyone has any advice or experience in this arena (child maintenance and lesbian couples who've had a relationship breakdown plus money issues) then I would really appreciate it.

Thanks so much for reading thus far, what should have been the happiest time of my life has been marred by bitterness and acrimony. I just want what is best for my little boy, who doesn't deserve to be caught up in her sordid games.

RedHelenB Wed 06-Mar-13 07:28:40

Did she adopt the baby? I can't see her being liable for maintenance otherwise, Sounds as though she is n't bothered. Please don't get bitter, concentrate on your child.

chieftainothepuddingrace Wed 06-Mar-13 08:23:45

Actually, the change in the law in 2008 meant that my ex didn't have to adopt him in order to have parental rights and responsibilities, but the CSA has yet to catch up with this.

I know she's not interested but She has a moraland legal obligation to support him. I have his future to think of and she shouldn't be able to walk awayfrom her commitments. Again, any experiences or recommendations for good family lawyers in Glasgow would be greatly appreciated.

chieftainothepuddingrace Wed 06-Mar-13 08:59:54

I think perhaps my title is too long and putting people off! Essentially just looking at finding a decent family lawyer in Glasgow!

chieftainothepuddingrace Wed 06-Mar-13 11:46:08

Anyone? Really need some specialist help smile

crabbyoldbat Wed 06-Mar-13 18:20:49

I have no expertise in this area, but perhaps you could find help through these:
www.scottishlgbt.org/Organisations/Daisy_Street_Law_and_Money_Advice_Centre.aspx

muddleup Wed 06-Mar-13 21:22:03

Does it have to be Glasgow?
I have a family lawyer in Paisley who is really good.

RedHelenB Wed 06-Mar-13 21:22:21

well since it is the CSA who are in charge of maintenance payments I can't see a way round this. Did she sign anything to say she would be liable for payments even if you split?

chieftainothepuddingrace Thu 07-Mar-13 12:53:17

Hi there,

Oh fantastic, thanks so much for your replies! I was giving up hope a bit, thinking that my post title was far too complicated!

Muddle, it doesn't have to be Glasgow, no. But I'm from West Dunbartonshire and the lawyer I have at the moment has never come across a case like this and hasn't handled it well at all (we're in the process of a legal aid appeal because he didn't submit enough evidence). I think I need someone who has specific experience in dealing with child maintenance and in lesbian relationships.

Red, It is the law so even though the CSA are the agency created to chase payments in is actually legislation and was designed to protect the child of same sex relationship.

Here't the rub, we did sign forms and agreements with GRI but since it was a joint medical case I need her permission to access the notes! The chances of her doing that and ,aking herself liable are, at best, slim.

Many thanks again.

RedHelenB Thu 07-Mar-13 17:13:57

It's the law absent fathers have to pay too but unfortunately a lot get away without doing so. Trouble is, it's not genetically her baby & i think if she has decided to go off with someone else she won't have any pull towards the child.

Daft as it sounds, I think you would have more hope of getting money back re the loan.

MOSagain Fri 08-Mar-13 10:02:57

I think perhaps STIDW is a family lawyer in Scotland or certainly knows a lot about the law there.

Kudana Thu 14-Apr-16 16:33:02

Hello I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on a good child family lawyer in Glasgow? Have seen a few and had differing advice so would really value a recommended one who can deal with a complicated international case. Any advice very welcome thanks x

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