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Please give advise re: son-unhappy about Dad remarrying-legal stuff

(8 Posts)
smileyforest Wed 13-Feb-13 08:50:58

I will keep in brief....
ExH marrying Japanese GF...he has visited her 2x in her Country...she has been here 2x....separated 2y ...divorced few weeks ago.
He is going there in March to marry her.....she will come back with him to live here.
Teenage son resides with him (aged 14.5) other with me 16y. He lives with Dad as changed nearer.
ExH just announced to boys about remarriage. They were shocked.
My boy who lives with Dad is very unhappy...he feels it will be invasive and he doesn't know his Dads gf...she speaks limited English...everything is turning Japanese in the home...
He has said he might want to come and live with me ....which of course he could if he wishes to...this is his home as well..
The problems......
His Dad is EA and will do this to my son re: money. He earns less than me so gets Tax credits and the FA for my son. He doesn't support our other son who lives with me. I support both sons.....
He wont want to lose money so will prevent son emotionally....
I want to help my son...I dont want to see him unhappy...he does find it difficult to express emotions.....myself and ex do not speak...he is a selfish manipulative man.....
So what can I do to help?
If my son does end up living with me.....I will have no option but to claim from exH as I'm not on huge wages ..(I'm a Nurse).....This is never mentioned to my boys...but their Dad has got away with a lot...financially...we spit assets...he had most and has more equity in his house...
Will he have to pay as on lower wages?
I just want what is best for my is a struggle...but to me they come first and I will do all i can to ensure they get the right support as they grow into adulthood....
Thanks for any help and understanding x

purplewithred Wed 13-Feb-13 08:57:08

Be supportive, be fair and if ds wants to live with you then stand up for him. I think ds should be encouraged to give new wife a chance - she might be lovely and a very good thing.

RedHelenB Wed 13-Feb-13 09:14:49

If it makes it easier on your son I wouldn't claim off ex for the sake of 2 years maintenance but obviously you should claim the tax credits & CB.

STIDW Wed 13-Feb-13 12:40:14

You will be able to claim CB and tax credits if your son comes to live with you. Also your ex would be liable to pay CM although if he earns less than £200/week it would be less than the standard rate.

I would have a word with your son's school so they are aware he may be under pressure and can perhaps arrange to support him with counselling.

Xenia Wed 13-Feb-13 13:28:14

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

smileyforest Wed 13-Feb-13 23:25:40

Ok...Im not after his money ...I will support boys...just asking if he would have to support boys he hasn't done in the last two years...
Also....yes...agree ....could be better at home for my son...but they have already said they are always in the bedroom and gf doesn't speak much to them....she will be exH slave in every way....she wont have a job here....I'm just concerned that my son will be emotionally deprived as his Dad will not put his needs first...

STIDW Thu 14-Feb-13 03:12:58

Parents have a statutory duty to maintain their children. Poverty is one of the major factors in poor long term outcomes for children. It's a non-resident parent's responsibility to contribute towards the costs of raising a child at a level determined by the CSA rules and regulations.

Xenia Thu 14-Feb-13 07:00:10

He might find that she runs around after him and helps him and does all sorts particularly if her new husband tells her to. It might not be too bad. He might his own virtual live in buy a bride stepmother and it will be better when his father and she have had a few months living together as I expect they will not then be spending as much time in bed. Also if his father is happier then he will perhaps be better with his son not worse... but who can say. It certainly sounds not ideal. Perhaps the father could pay for teh son to take Japanese lessons or the step mother could teach him - useful skill, very difficult language.

if the boy shows an interest and learn a bit from the internet of Japanese that might be a way in and could help the new step mother who may feel a bit isolated when she arrives. In fact if he gets better at Japanese than his father then he might get one over him in the process.

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