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Need urgent advice please

(64 Posts)
aluvss Mon 28-Jan-13 12:50:21

Yesterday night my BIL’s wife called the police and left the house with their daughter aged 2. She called the police whilst they where arguing, she told them that he had hit her and her daughter. The police came and took her and her daughter. The y did not leave anything with my BIL. We have no idea where they are and we have no clue on what to do, would really appreciate some help and advice. Thank you.

courtsareadisgrace Mon 28-Jan-13 13:30:08

My advice to you is step away and let them sort it out themselves.

God that woman must feel so so under attack. MIL BIL DH and uncle tom cobley and all off the family against just her.


aluvss Mon 28-Jan-13 13:32:54

We are not interfeering, she always phones my husband and talks to him about all her problems thats why he was over there. Yes, my brother in law is not good, he does not have a job and lives with my MIL but he has never hit her. She has been emotionally abusive towards him, and he is not able to stand up to her.

courtsareadisgrace Mon 28-Jan-13 13:34:02

That's your view of the situation. Hers will more than likely be different.

PureQuintessence Mon 28-Jan-13 13:34:18

Your husband went to sort it out... What could your husband do? Other than helping his brother gang up on his unhappy wife?

No wonder she wants to split, you all must be interfering loons.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Mon 28-Jan-13 13:35:09

But you are interfering. Would you be okay if your SIL posted here to discuss your marriage with a bunch of strangers?

PureQuintessence Mon 28-Jan-13 13:35:13

Is she having an affair with your husband?

courtsareadisgrace Mon 28-Jan-13 13:36:25

So he's a cocklodger to boot? Does she work?

aluvss Mon 28-Jan-13 13:37:56

Someone asked what the arguement was about. and she isn't having an affair with my husband.

Reaa Mon 28-Jan-13 13:38:16

PQ- I just thought the same thing

PureQuintessence Mon 28-Jan-13 13:40:23

But your husband is not a stranger to the idea? I mean, why else would he come running every time SIL has a problem in her marriage?

courtsareadisgrace Mon 28-Jan-13 13:41:57

I suspect, aluvss, that you don't know the full story of what is and has been going on and I'd strongly advice you to keep your beak out. And your husband at home.

toosoppyforwords Mon 28-Jan-13 13:43:01

why is everyone assuming that the SIL is innocent victim in this ? She may well be and if so, complete sympathies, however i have seen situations where wife is violent both physically and emotionally towards husband and husband does not retaliate but when police and social services are called he is made out to be at fault, she claims he hit her and tells pack of lies etc etc DV does exist towards men too.

None of us know what really happened in this particular situation at all.

Feel very sorry for the daughter caught up in the middle of this mess. Either mum is telling the truth and has an abusive husband, or mum is lying/exaggerating and is horrible person to do this to her husband. Either way, poor kid

PatriciaHolm Mon 28-Jan-13 13:43:05

The police have been called before to their arguments, you say? So they have chosen to remove her and her child from a potentially abusive situation. He may not have hit her, but for the police to remove her, the argument between them (with your DH and IL's involved too) must have been very heated and they must have been concerned for her safety amongst so many people clearly against her.

You have no idea what has gone on in their marriage. It sounds like they need some outside, independent help to figure out how to make the split work though.

Has BIL tried calling the station to enquire, politely, whether they are returning or what the next steps are likely to be?

aluvss Mon 28-Jan-13 13:50:52

My husband does not go running everytime, she phones him, with her made up problems with my BIL. I will tell my BIL to call the station. They live with my MIL so I know what is going on. When the police came before, they did not remove her, they asked her what she wants to do and she went to a friends house and then came home again the next day. She wants to split from my BIL but take the child abroad which my BIL did not want and then she called the police.

courtsareadisgrace Mon 28-Jan-13 13:54:12

In the name of the wee man, you don't get it do you.

courtsareadisgrace Mon 28-Jan-13 13:59:17

How do you know they are made up problems? Do you all live with your MIL? In the same house? 24/7?

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Mon 28-Jan-13 13:59:27

If she genuinely wants to take your niece out of the country your BIL needs to see a solicitor. There are legal measures that can be taken to prevent this happening. However, the situation is not going to be helped by your BIL, your MIL and your DH ganging up on her to the extent that the police feel they need to remove her from the situation.

mumblechum1 Mon 28-Jan-13 14:01:43

Hope this question isn't misinterpreted, but are you all from a culture where it's normal to all live together/in a tightly knit community?

aluvss Mon 28-Jan-13 14:07:17

Yes, we are from a culture were its normal for everyone to live together.

courtsareadisgrace Mon 28-Jan-13 14:07:58

Is your SIL from the same culture?

aluvss Mon 28-Jan-13 14:08:17

I do not live with them but I leave my dd with my mil when I am at work. So I know what is going on.

PureQuintessence Mon 28-Jan-13 14:08:34

And is it also customary for your SIL to live together with the inlaws? Or is she from a different culture?

aluvss Mon 28-Jan-13 14:08:50

Yes she is.

PureQuintessence Mon 28-Jan-13 14:10:05

So SIL is from the same culture. Where does she intend to go?

courtsareadisgrace Mon 28-Jan-13 14:10:26

With respect. The fact you leave your daughter there doesn't mean you know anything about what goes on. And also, this is a house that is full of arguements and conflict to such an extent that the police are involved. Do you have anywhere else you could leave your daughter?

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