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just been screw over in court, need some help/advice

(16 Posts)
nwcs Sat 26-Jan-13 14:51:04

hi I'm new here, just had the day from hell,
I've has custody of my 2 children for 6 years, j was 4 and l was 3 when i got custody though the courts buy was of cafcas s7 report in my favor,
since then ex has tired and failed 2 time to get residence back, I've been a great parent giving the children what they need and kids very happy and school happy with them,
well ex tired again to get custody, cafcas was asked to do a report witch they did, September 2012 we went to court for fine out outcome of s7 report,
report said children should stay with me and no shared custody or custody she be given, it did say that children have ask to see ex more, witch i agreed with, well ex decided to take to to final hearing witch was today to fight it, IM working so not entitled to legal aid, ex working living with now partner that works but reduced hours and didn't declare living with new partner so was able to get legal aid, was told to file report to the court witch i did but cafcas officer said keep it to the point, don't write to much and don't be to damming on ex as my s7 report says what it needs to so the court will listen to my report, and she said i will have nothing to worry about,
well i went to see a solicitor about getting repisenation for today and they wanted 800.00 for just today with i thought was too much to pay as cafcas report was in my favor and cascaf said court wouldn't change things.
well walked into court representing myself, ex sat there with solicitor and a top barrister paid for by legal aid,
well judge ask why i wasn't represented,and i explained that 800,00 was too much for me to pay and as cafcas report stated things should stay the same he looked at me and said well that a poor judgment on your part.....
judge then said i read all statements and I've not going to go though them all today as i feel this could be sorted out between partys,so go out the court and come back in an hour, we did that and we sorted new contact out to suit ex s new working hours, alternates weekend contact and 2 nights though the week on other week, so 5 nights contact every 2 weeks, 10 nights every 28 nights, i wasn't happy letting ex having midweek contact as felt kids should be in a routine school night but was backed into a corner to agree, but ex realized they wasn't going to get residence order so was pushing shared residence, her barrister managed to manipulate cascaf offices into changing her mind on share care , we went back into court her barrister told court cafcas agreed to share residence now, even though she had put in her report that she didn't agree to share care. well judge wouldn't let me go though ex statement , all we could do is cross examine cafcas officer witch i did, i said shes changed her mind on her report she wrote and that wasn't fair and that she had told me not to put much in my report as hers covered every thing in my favor, i made it clear that if their was any issued with the s7 report then i would of paid for representation. judge ruled that share resendce is the best think to do as cafcas officer was NOW recommending it, [all because she was manipulated by a top barrister].....surely this cannot be done, i have 28 days to appeal, any advices would be much appreciated.

mumblechum1 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:20:15

I think maybe you're getting a bit too hung up about the label "shared care".

It seems, from your post, that what you've ended up with is alternate weekends and an average of 1 night per week (depending on when the weekend falls). So the rota is:

Week 1: you have the kids all week, Mother has them that weekend for 2 nights
Week 2: Mother has the kids for 2 nights during the week, you have them for the weekend.

So you have them for 5 nights per week, she has them for 2.

Is that right?

tbh, that doesn't sound like an unreasonable arrangement. It's nice for the children to have one weekend with Dad, one with Mum, and in the week when they're not seeing Mum, to have 2 school nights (which, after all, are usually just homework/dinner/TV and bed).

Not sure I really understand the problem tbh.

mumblechum1 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:21:29

Obv. I meant "in the week when they're not seeing Mum at the weekend, they see her during the week". Otherwise they'd go almost a fortnight without seeing her.

nwcs Sat 26-Jan-13 16:08:06

my problem is what this shared custerdy means.......
me and my ex dont get on at all. ive tryed but she lies and i can have a conversation with her and then she sent solisitor letter saying im harrasing her so that when where in court she can say well he was harrasing me to the point i had to get solisitor to sent a letter for him to stop. when no prove has been show and i wasnt harrasing her at all so i said from then on lets use text to commuicate, then in court she said hes been difficult as he wont talk to me he just says sent email or text, so again i cant win as i still look bad in court eye, he she made up so many lies over the years, she also when drunk said on a bus full of ppl that our doughter who has nappy rash when she was younger as because i was doing stuff to her that i shouldnt be..........THATS THE KIND OF PERSON SHE IS AND THATS WHY I CANT TRUST HER AND SHE WILL SAY AND DO ANY THINK THAT SUITES HER.
and yet a gudge granted her share custerdy of to lovely children that ive brought up on my own

RedHelenB Sat 26-Jan-13 16:29:47

You yourself sat that the children want to see more of her & maybe that's the point you need to concentrate on. They will still see you as the main carer just as it is now.

Cheeryble Sun 27-Jan-13 09:17:11

If you think your ex isn't entitled to legal aid you can report that to the Legal Services Commission.

But the shared residence arrangement does sound reasonable.

nwcs Sun 27-Jan-13 18:49:03

i contacted the legal services back in july last year, they asked me to email them witch i did, i recived an email back saying thank you for the information and it will be investegated but could take up to 12 weeks,
i contacted them in december to see what the outcome was, they said the inveritgated was still to be looked into.

PatriciaHolm Mon 28-Jan-13 10:01:39

Shared residence simply means there is a legal recognition of the fact the children have two homes. The access agreement you have sounds entirely normal.

It doesn't give her any more rights over the children than she already had, as a parent with Parental Responsibility.

MOSagain Mon 28-Jan-13 13:18:43

You haven't been 'screwed over'. Contact is the right of the child/children and you said yourself, they wanted to see more of their mother.

Its not about what you want, its about what is in the best interests of the children. How do they feel about it?

nwcs Mon 28-Jan-13 23:11:03

hi all, let me make it clear to you all that i fully surport that children needing to spend time with both perants, i also think shared resident orders are a good idear in many cases.
now let me share my resoning for making this thread
1, setion 7 report was compleated by cafcass officer, in the report it clearly stated that it didnt surport mums application for residence, it also clearly stated that IN THIS CASE SHARE CARE/SHARE RESIDENCE WOULDNT WORK OR BE USEFULL,
cafcass officer that i got on with very well told me at court that when i preper my statement for the court not to be too damming as shes put every think in setion 7 report what the court will need to make there decision.
she also said thats she stands by her statment and that the finnal hearing will be more about sorting contact dates and times as mum was getting new job.
now the reason i said i been SCREWED OVER is because the cafcas officer changed her mind about share resident after talking with mums top barrister.
the top barrister memipulated the cafcas officer into changing her mind even though she has said it wouldnt work in her setion 7 report.
there was no new evedence, all what happen is a top barrister used fancy words to talk cafcass officer round, when i ask caffcass office in court why she had BACK TRACKED on her report she just said it will be a good idear after talking with mums barrister.

STIDW Mon 28-Jan-13 23:24:38

What do you believe you have lost? It is Parental Responsibility that gives parents equal responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities. A residence or shared residence order determines where a child lives. SROs are far more common than they were 6 years ago. Practically there isn't a great difference between shared residence and the more traditional contact/residence orders.

nwcs Tue 29-Jan-13 00:07:50

just a little more about me and my ex, i have 3 children and been a single perant to all 3 of my children since 2005,
i work self employed part time are i have to work arround the childrens schooling,
ive never had any girl friends round my children and the only person the children have seen me with is there mum when they was young,
i love spending time with my children and enjoy taking them out,
every year i take my children abroard on holiday,
i also book caravan holidays every year to haven and we have been to butlins several times too,
every years i take my children on camping holidays with my friends.
i dont SMOKE,
im not a big drinker and go months without.
i dont take drugs,
my children come first...............

now my ex the childrens mum
before i met her she she had a son, his dad never wanted any think to do with him,
when he was 12 months old she phone socail services and ask them to come and pick him up as she didnt want him as her relationship had ended,(boyfriend wasnt her sons dad)
socail services placed her son with her mum, (granmar) and he stayed there till he was 5 years old.
i encurage her when we was together to applie for him to come back, socail services didnt want him to come back but she won though the courts.
when we sperated he was 6 and she couldnt controll him as ask if i would have him.
i tuc her to court for my 2 children with her witch she didnt want to part with, cafcass was asked to do a setion 7 report witch stated the children should come live with me,
I was granted resedance order in 2006,
i always offered contact but nights out was more inportant the her then spending time with her kids,

she also put men before her kids and been from relationship to relationship
with both mem and women....all witnessed by her son over the years,
when her son was 10 she locked him in the house at 9.45 at night so she could go christmas food shopping, he didnt want to be left but she said she wouldnt be long and she would bring him a mc donalds in, at 10pm he got frighened and climbs out the window and come to my house witch is 5 mins away, he was very upset and crying, i calmed him down and asked where his mum was, he told me what she had said, i talk t him for a bit then at 10.30 i ask him if he wanted to get in bed with his younger brother witch he did, i phoned the police and they come out at about 11.10, i told them what had happened and they phone mum at 11,20, SHE WAS STILL OUT,

in 2010 she started a relationship with a drug user, she was with him over a year and my children met him and she moved 10 miles away with him, he would bring her though in car to collect children for contact,I DIDNT KNOW THIS MAN AS A DRUG USER AND DROVE MY KIDS AROUND WHILST ON DRUGS UNTILL 6 MONTHS LATER WHEN THERE RELATIONSHIP ENDED.
shes now in another relationship as lives with this man, he works and has a very well paid job earning over 750 a week, and yet she reduced her hours at work to 8 so she could claim income surport/housing benifit not declering her partner lives with her, she also claimed legal aid......she sat in court wirt a solisitor and barrister paid for by legal aid, i reperisented myself as wasnt eligerbale for legal aid.

also over the last 3 years her son now 14 who lives with her has problems at school,problems at home, he doesnt feel loved and has seen Psychiatrist and many councellers.......hes been kick out of school several times and his mum doesnt acept that any of her actions over the years is to blaim for the way he is or feels, hes said many times he want to live here with his brother and sister,

nwcs Tue 29-Jan-13 00:14:05

now theres a share residence order and childrens mum lives in a driiferance town 10 miles away whats to stop her saying im moving children to a school near my house as i no longer willing to travel 10 miles to see my kids.
she moved away,
in september our eldist will be starting senisors, ive already enroled him in the local school , but what if she says no hes going to the school near my house ????

STIDW Tue 29-Jan-13 01:09:48

As far as education is concerned Parental Responsibility means regardless of any court order both parents have the same responsibility and rights to determine which school a child attends. That means you need to consult your ex about secondary schooling. When parent's cannot agree it is open to either of them to apply to court to regulate PR. The parent wanting to send a child to a particular school would need to apply for a Specific Issue Order for permission from the court or if they failed to do that the other parent can apply for Prohibited Steps Order to prevent the children attending that school or change back.

The courts would then consider both parents' reasoning and the children's interests which often boils down to practicalities. When the children are living with one parent most of the time it would usually be more practical to attend a school near that parent's home where they can also develop and maintain friendships made in school out of school.

PatriciaHolm Tue 29-Jan-13 09:27:30

Shared residency makes no difference to her rights over their schooling, etc. As said above, her Parental Responsibility, which she already had, gives her those rights; technically you should have consulted her on their schooling anyway. It doesn't sound as if she cares that much anyway.

She has acquired no more rights than she already had.

nwcs Wed 30-Jan-13 08:34:31

Thanks for your replies.

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