Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Partner's ex threatening to stop access because of me

(36 Posts)
BadlyDrawnWoman Thu 24-Jan-13 14:26:37

To cut a long story short, I spent the day with my partner and his daughter at the weekend which is only the second time I've met her in the 8 months we've been together. We expected some backlash but heard nothing, until today. Now she is threatening to stop access if I am involved, on the grounds that it may 'affect her [SD's] emotional wellbeing'.

She also said that she is filing for divorce and he should expect a letter soon. Can anyone tell me if the divorce letter is likely to discuss access arrangements? I'm worried that he's going to get a letter full of accusations about his ability as a parent that is going to lay the foundations for her to refuse reasonable access.

ivykaty44 Fri 25-Jan-13 12:06:54

regardless of whether Op is the ow or not it is the child of 4 that matters and she is not going to understand or care about whether this is a regular girl friend or the OW? A child of 4 just isn't going to be able to tell the difference - is she?

ThingummyBob Fri 25-Jan-13 12:19:37

No katy, but OP might jsut have to accept that her dream scenario of happy blended family might take a bit longer to adjust too than if it was an amicable split and all above board from the start.

Do none of you see this?

I admit that if I found myself in thsi situation I may have a few issues concerning my dcs and the ow.

How does the OP know that the 'kid' is happy and welll adjusted if shes only met her twice confused

This is me being cynical though as the OP didn't answer the question. It may be that she was not the ow at all...

OneMoreChap Fri 25-Jan-13 12:29:15


yeah, I got difficult.
"You can have access between 10-12 on Saturday... when the kids are at swimming lessons." So I could either not speak to them at lessons, or take them out of lessons.

Solicitor's letter for proper weekend access.
DP and ex can sort out their issues without ex using the kids as a weapon.

BadlyDrawnWoman Fri 25-Jan-13 12:37:09

I'd rather let you speculate, and, as others have said, how we got together has nothing to do with with what I'm asking about.

A lot of ex partners have a problem with their children playing happy families with their step-family, but they have to go along with it for the sake of the children, and I admire that. But what's happening here is my partner's ex putting her own feelings ahead of her child's welfare.

I've looked into the court forms for divorce and child arrangements and there are questions about childcare and access so I guess he will have a chance to question the current arrangements there. But what happens if the parents don't agree? Will the solicitor(s) recommend mediation straight away?

BadlyDrawnWoman Fri 25-Jan-13 12:39:41

Ivy, you're right, she doesn't understand or care what my relationship is to her Dad yet, in fact she asked him 'where his sister had gone' when he dropped her off smile

MOSagain Fri 25-Jan-13 13:22:23

Sadly, many family lawyers such as collaborate and myself have seen numerous situations where the mother is being 'difficult' for no other reason than spite/control.

Sometimes it is the only control the mother has when her ex leaves and quite often the child or children become pawns which is so very sad.

ScrabbleMarathon Fri 25-Jan-13 17:37:13

Slow waaaaaay down OP.
You are the OW yes? It's not relevant when dealing with cold hard facts and ensuring that your partner has contact with his daughter.
But it IS relevant when you are dealing with basic humanity and emotions.
Ex has only just found out that you have been introduced to her little girl. A couple of days in and you are taking it upon yourself to look into court forms for someone elses divorce hmm

I sense a long hard road ahead if you don't both take a step back and your partner then makes an effort to reassure his Ex about the nature of his relationship with you, and seeks to work WITH her to ensure that any concerns she might have (no matter how unreasonable they may seem to YOU) are addressed.

nkf Fri 25-Jan-13 19:59:37

Oh, well, he should sort it out. Otherwise, you will become another of those whingy stepmothers (MN is full of them) going on about ex wives. But while he's got you to do the worrying and fretting, why should he bother. If everything you do has been done with the welfare of young children uppermost, you have nothing to think about.

ThingummyBob Fri 25-Jan-13 20:14:11

But it IS relevant when you are dealing with basic humanity and emotions

Well said Scrabble.

NotaDisneyMum Fri 25-Jan-13 21:29:08

nkf are MOS and collaborate wrong when they cite their experience in the legal profession?

Are there really no unreasonable, selfish, abusive mothers out there who use contact between their DCs and their ex as a weapon to punish their ex for his perceived transgression?

OneMoreChap Mon 28-Jan-13 11:28:09

NotaDisneyMum Fri 25-Jan-13 21:29:08

Are there really no unreasonable, selfish, abusive mothers out there who use contact between their DCs and their ex as a weapon to punish their ex for his perceived transgression?

Oh, and hasn't ex had some BF too?

especially as she has introduced her daughter to at least one boyfriend that we know of Oh, yes she has.

Legal and court; only way forward. I agree with posters who say it's down to the dad; if he's too spineless to push, he won't get.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now