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XH wants me to sign something.............................

(19 Posts)
MadameCastafiore Sun 20-Jan-13 07:04:39

We have been divorced 8 years.

Friday night he phoned me to tell me he would not be havind DD this weekend as weather could make returning her an issue, he then started saying that he needed me to sign a document and threw in the words paying off part of mortgage, moving house, of course was covered in the divorce and I'll drop it off during the week - I was not concentrating very much on what he was saying as I was driving and was concnetrating on the road but it's something to do with an endowment policy apparently.

I did say was it covered in the original financial part of the divorce and he said yes (although not sure I would trust him as far as I could throw him) and that of course due to the fact that it has been him paying it I wouldn't be entitled to anything anyway.

Now - I don't need the money really - DH and I are very comfortable - BUT should I look into this further and not just sign the paperwork. Surely if he was honest about the policy when we did get divorced he would have had me sign something to remove my name from the policy when the divorce was finalised not 8 years later when he is getting the money???????????????

I know it is pathetic but part of me wants to tell him I have to take the document to a solicitor just to scare him a bit - our divorce wasn't good - after the violence he threw me out and I had to fight for custody of DD for just over 2 years - he made my life hell and I only saw DD at weekends or when he allowed me. It was a horrendous time and I will never get over the shit he put me through when it was his mother (who I hated - more so now) who was going to be the one bringing up the daughter she had never had.

Its bitterness that is keeping me from jusr whipping out my pen - but also I suppose wondering if legally I should have it looked at first - if he did not declare it in the divorce he was naughty and is not just trying to gloss over things and have me sign a legal document.

Jayne266 Sun 20-Jan-13 07:08:24

Get it checked first

LadyWidmerpool Sun 20-Jan-13 07:10:48

Do not sign anything without legal advice! You can't possibly trust this man after what has already happened. Protect yourself and your DD and see a solicitor.

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 07:11:08

Of course you should have it looked at first!

Never EVER sign anything without making sure you understand exactly what it is and what the implications are for you.

That's not about how you feel about him - it's just plain stupid to sign something without knowing exactly what it means.

Rosa Sun 20-Jan-13 07:46:24

Good god don't sign it . Tell him to leave it and you will return it the following week as you want to read it.

MadameCastafiore Sun 20-Jan-13 07:52:46

I thought you guys were going to say that.

I will get it looked at - its just hard to think what would be the right thing to do if he is trying to pull a fast one - he would start being even more of an arse than he is already if I were to find out that I was entitled to something - half of me thinks even if I am in for a surprise windfall I should just give it up and sign to make life easy.

tribpot Sun 20-Jan-13 08:02:22

That's a valid choice but at least make it an informed one. Don't let him bully you into at least considering the document properly.

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 08:14:51

Screw that!

Even if you decide to sign, know what you're signing.

You don't even have to tell him that you're taking it to a solicitor to be checked over. Just say that you're going to read it through first when you've got time and will post it back to him.

For all you know, you're actually signing to obligate yourself to something.

If you don't read something, you have only the word of the person asking you to sign, that it is what they say it is.

My own petty nature alert!! He shouldn't think he's got one over on you. If it is you giving up a claim on something you are entitled to, and you decide to sign it - hand it over saying ok, I've signed the document that relinquishes my claim on... and stare him right in the eye!

MaryPoppinsBag Sun 20-Jan-13 08:18:26

Don't sign until you have had it looked at.

Collaborate Sun 20-Jan-13 08:56:09

When you got divorced did you get a financial order from the court?

If you did, what did it provide for?

If you didn't, it looks like you've remarried. Were you the Petitioner or was he? If you've no financial order, is there any reason you didn't address this issue at the time of divorce?

messybedhead Sun 20-Jan-13 09:09:11

Do not sign anything until you get legal advice.

When my mum and dad divorced, my dad signed the mortgage (or she got a new mortgage i think) and house over to my mum, but the endowment company refused to take anybody's name off the original policy. My dad wanted it and they wouldn't take my mums name off and then my mum tried to take my dads name off and they wouldn't (this was all with consent of each parent at the time).

Unfortunately for them my dad died and so they had to pay out the full endowment to my mum because his name was still on the policy.

So what I think I'm saying is that your DH does not have an automatic right to the endowment and so do not sign it!grin

MadameCastafiore Sun 20-Jan-13 09:25:08

Thanks chaps. I think I'll have to take the financial stuff plus the thing he wants me to sign to a solicitor.

I'll say to him for me to sign it he will have to pay solicitor bill to ensure that I am right signing it I think.

Basically he just wants me to sign it so it will pay out. Not sure what happens if I refuse?

Plus can I actually sign in a name that I really shouldn't be using now. I would have to sign it as mrs g but have been mrs b for 7 years!

I don't even know if the thing he wants me to sign is to relinquish claim on pay out or to get my name off papers so he can just claim. I presume company will pay out cheque to us jointly otherwise!

Bloody hell thought this wax dead and buried!

He didn't have to give me anymore than the 40% of house and I got the car. I was pregnant by the time we got to the financial hearing (had spent over 2 years fighting for custody of dd and had moved on with life) judge said I obviously had someone who could support me now (dp now DH) so said I should take 40%. Didn't make financial provision for dd. I had to go to CSA and get just under £50 a week. Did piss me off a bit but I just wanted to be rid of him by then!

As well as the fact that was due to give birth in short while and legally was still married to XH so didn't feel fighting would have been good and XH knew it. As it wee I came back from giving birth to DS and found my absolute on the mat, luckily dated for 4 days before DS was born!

Above all else I feel sad and nervy, it was a hell of a time and is bringing up emotions that I thought were buried!

MadameCastafiore Sun 20-Jan-13 11:02:44

Bloody hell. He just texted me asking if I am definitely going to sign it as he needs it done quickly.

I said I'll have to get legal advice as have a different name now and can't sign mrs g if I have not been that for more than 8 years.

He hasn't text back which is not a good sign with him!

susanann Sun 20-Jan-13 11:12:14

Whats his rush? Sounds dodgy to me. Defo go to solicitor and dont be rushed. Get your DH to back you up if needs be. Good Luck

MadameCastafiore Sun 20-Jan-13 11:16:27

Not sure if his rush is because he wants money quickly or wants to get one over on me and he is good with pressuring me about stuff.

FFS thought this was all finished!

Collaborate Sun 20-Jan-13 11:39:34

Ongoing to assume that the endowment was overlooked in the court order, so remains in joint names and he's been paying it ever since.
You're entitled to half it's value. If you want to gift it to him, fine. If you don't, don't sign it.

MadameCastafiore Sun 20-Jan-13 14:07:54

But how can I sign in a name that I don't really have anymore? I presume would need all my marriage cert etc and my decree absolute.

Part of me wants to stick it to him and get anything I can yet part of me thinks if he's been paying it and not me I shouldn't really go for him about it.

This is going to churn everything up again and he will go back to being in our lives by being arsey. Now I literally have nothing to do with him other than the odd strained conversation about dd!

sicutlilium Sun 20-Jan-13 15:07:58

If it turns out that you are entitled to a share in the proceeds, you could invest it for DD's future.

Rosa Sun 20-Jan-13 16:45:07

Needs to be signed quicky I smell a rat sounds to me as if he is hiding something from you....

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