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HELP! vviolent ex out of the house, now children's SS are trying to get him back in!

(2 Posts)
awana Sun 13-Jan-13 22:05:58

Hi All,

I'm duplicating my post here with the one in relationships in the hope that you may be able to advise.
It follows on from my previous thread here: http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1591308-domestic-violence-seen-by-my-son

Following all of your fab advice about DV and geting support, I managed to get myself together and get help from adult social services as I was so ill with ME, including some hours of parenting support for my 3 yo son, loads of external agency support like a FSW and homestart help as well. My family have even come round (thank god).Things are going well, just apart from one major thing.

Childrens social services are completely refusing to acknowledge that there has been any DV. They have listened to my ex saying that I'm mentally unstable and have based all of their views on his! They have refused to listen to the DV agency supporting me and have refused to take on board anything I'm saying, or even look at any evidence (medical reports, specialist reports etc) that counter what they believe. They have even suggested that I manipulated adult social services into helping me and giving me parenting support, despite having recently won my DLA appeal to receive higher mobility and middle care.

I had to sit in a meeting with them where they basically shouted for 45 minutes at me and asked why I didn't let my ex look after me. Against my wishes they have sigend me up for mediation and demanded that I medaite with DH in the same room face to face. They have minimised my ME illness and expect me to walk up 3 storeys to their meeting room, dismissing it as psychological despite me with an ME specialist for the last 3 years.

I really couldn't believe it. It was a in a room full of people from other agencies that surely can't believe that sort of agressive and abusive behaviour is acceptable. Unfortunately I was feeling really terrible so i answered back although I probably shouldn't have. Not in a rude way, but to try and justify myself against DH's lies. eg he gave up his job to look after me, instead of the reality that he failed his 3 month probation.

Having taken 3 years of shit from my 'D'H, I now find that he's manipulating SS (just like he did my family) to abuse as badly as he ever did.

Besically they couldn't get anything on me during the assessment period and now have decided to extend it for 3 months so that they are with us through the mediation / counselling period despite it being completely out of their remit. They also asked DH to be in the family counselling despite him being the perpetrator.

I have decided to put in a complaint as I simply can't take this anymore. i am wondering - are SS such bastards that they're going to support each other and make things worse for me - ie ensure that DH is primary carer and take my son away in punishment? Is it better for me to suck it up?

Are there good ways of making a complaint? Who can help me as an advocate with this - is it worth getting a lawyer or something? Will I just cause more trouble for myself? any advice would be SOOOOO welcome. I dont know what to do right now.

Thanks for reading such a long post and I'd really welcome any advice you may have - without mumsnet i'd be lost!

xx

MsFanackerPants Tue 15-Jan-13 02:57:32

You can make a complaint. It is a statutory complaint and your social worker and their manager has to tell you how to do this. You can also Google children's social care complaint and the name of your council and the details should be there for you on how to do it. You do not need a solicitor.
Best way to write a complaint is to be clear on a) what's gone wrong and the effect of that
b) what should be done to put it right.

Your complaint should be responded to in 10 working days or if they need more time they must write to tell you. It should not take longer than 20 working days. If you are not satisfied with the response you can request Stage 2 which involves an Independent Person and an investigator at least one of which is not employed by the local authority. Complaints procedure is quite strict for the authority because of the impact and possibility of injustice on people's lives.

I would also consider getting written statements from the DV worker and your consultant. Make it clear you have an access need and so meetings need to be accessible.

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