contact - back to court . . . .again

[mrsm2b]

Where do I start? X has a history of domestic violence with me hes a binge drinker and acute nappoleon syndrome! My son and daughter were exposed to porn in his care, both say he showed it to them but due to their age the cps would not support the case as there was only the kids word against his . . No hard evidence. . . Just before the finding of fact hearing in civil court which would determine contact . . . He confessed. . . Now after having all that to deal with and moving on, I have been informed that hes beating his new girlfriend with whom he has a baby of yr. Social services have told me what happened and have spoken to my son and daughter. They initally assessed him and his girlfriend then me . . He hasnt had contact since sept following legal advice and social services. Since then his father has passed and he wanted to take the kids to see him. Also with it being Christmas I feel like I will be criticised. Up to this point in time ive had evil eyes, been judged, ridiculed by his family and friends of his. Had phone calls and voicemails pleading not to go to court as it will make things difficult, anon phonecalls at 4 am. It aint very pleasant paying at asda checkout and his best mates girlfriend is glaring directly at you as if shes about to kill you. It is obvious that im being portrayed as a mum who is denying contact for no reason. Ive got a damn good reason and from now on anyone who judges will get the facts . . . Simples. Im trying to do my best but sometimes its hard to stay strong. I havent abused my kids by showing them porn, become violent and drunk in front of my kids, struck someone in front of them. I am protecting them to my best ability and will as long as I live....how do others going through such stress cope?

[MonetsGardens]

Do you have a good solicitor?
I've found that through ALL of the crap with SS, Womans Aid and police DV teams, the ONLY person I could rely on 100% was and is my solicitor.
Men like this are relentless - my DV fact finding hearing went against him - I really though it would be the start of rebuilding things but he's now decided he was 'conned' by the judge into making some admissions.
I know his mother and OW are slating me to all and sundry, but they don't have my phone numbers, email or any other way of contacting me directly and I've stopped listening to what other people tell me about what they are saying. 'I' know the truth about what he's done, my friends and family know the truth, and ultimately he knows the truth as well. It won't help at all to give these people the facts - they are so blinkered into his propoganda about beinga poor down trodden man whose evil ex is denying him access. THEY don't want the truth because it means they face the harsh reality of what he is.
My physical and mental health have suffered - it seems that it will never end but I've learned not to pin all of my hopes for resolution on the next court date - this will be a long process and taking it one small step at a time helps.

[mrsm2b]

Yes, I have a good solicitor who I trust and like you rely on 100% . . . Its been so stressful. My mental and physical health has suffered - ptsd and pernicious anaemia since 2010 - ptsd was delayed onset. I hope all works out well for you and you're finding yourself again. I've applied for a variation of the order that was in place. After his confession he was granted staying contact unsupervised as the judge believed it was an isolated incident. They've both been through therapy with camhs and school. I've had cbt which has worked and slowly as the date gets nearer feel the strain of things again.

[RedHelenB]

Is he still living with new gf & baby?

[GypsyTaylor]

My ex took me to court in 2008, he's nuts. Violent, and I am 100% sure he has a split personality. When I was pregnant he used to spit at me, punch me in the face and treat me like an utter slave. He is meant to pick my 6 yr old girl up 2 weekends a month. Last year he picked her up 3 times. No maintenance as of yet either. He sends me emails saying that he has been to police and SS as he thinks my girl is being neglected and my husband bully's her. That's bull considering he has met my husband once and they chatted for ages fine. I don't know what he is trying to do to our family but it is so stressful. I am a very loving ma, my girls are spoilt rotten and our house is mega spotless. Always a home cooked meal on the table for tea. I would go without for my girls and believe my I have done. He needs to get lost he is no good for my daughter he really is crazy I do not want him near her anymore. I've had enough.

[mrsm2b]

I understand completely how you must be feeling. Men like this manipulate the system. Ultimately when the kids are older they will know that their mothers have protected them or tried to and will make their own judgement about 'him' a leopard never changes its spots.