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Can I refuse him access??

(13 Posts)
hazeldinka Sat 29-Dec-12 08:28:57

Hello. My husband and I have three gorgeous kids and separated nearly 18 months ago. For the last 12 months he has been with a new partner. I too found my soul-mate about 9 months ago. During our marriage my husband had been controlling and verbally abusive, mainly towards me but at times towards the children also.

I have tried at all times to rise above the nastiness that he exudes when he doesn't get his own way but this has been hard at times.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, having agreed to let him have the children for 5 days after Christmas, he then refused to give me his girlfriend's address in Woolwich where they would be staying. I told him that unless I had the address where they were staying, they wouldn't be going. He then provided me with an address, but when I looked into it, it turned out to be a false address. Stupidly I gave him one more chance and eventually he said he would be taking them to the house he lodges at whilst he's working, which is in Portsmouth.

Anyway, we met on 27th and he took the kids down to Portsmouth... for one night. Then my eldest son who is 9 rang me up yesterday and said they were all going to the girlfriend's house for the rest of the holiday and they still won't provide an address.

So there is nothing I can do about this. Can I stop him from doing it again? I don't know if I have any rights and I can't really afford a solicitor. Any advice you can give me would be most appreciated. Thanks x

Collaborate Sat 29-Dec-12 08:48:59

If there is no court order you can simply refuse future contact until he supplies the address. The court would back you up if he applies for a contact order (unless you're a bunny boiler(!)).

allnewtaketwo Sat 29-Dec-12 08:53:29

I can understand your frustration, but what good would it do knowing the address? It won't help on an emergency for example, because you wouldn't even know there is an emergency unless he tells you.

MOSagain Sat 29-Dec-12 08:56:14

allnew she is entitled to know where her children will be, particularly as they are so young given the eldest is 9.

Totally agree with collaborate refuse contact in future until he agrees to provide the address (and phone number) and let him apply for a contact order. In my opinion, Court will agree that he should provide those details.

tiffinbaker Sat 29-Dec-12 09:06:02

You need to do what is in the best interests of the children, "access" isn't a gift to him that you can award or deny as reward or punishment - it's about your children having the right to a positive relationship with their father. If his behaviour is damaging them then you are quite right to keep them safe from him. If they are happy then you shouldn't use denying access as a weapon.

That said, it is certainly wrong for him to take your children to an unknown place without your consent. You may need to get a court order to keep him in line.

allnewtaketwo Sat 29-Dec-12 11:30:18

I certainly didn't say she wasn't entitled, so I've no idea why you said that. I did ask though what the purpose would be. For example if it's in case she's worried he'll abscond, that's a serious issue. If its in case the child has an accident or other incident, there is no real benefit to knowing the address as she would still be dependent on ex to let her know

ILoveTIFFANY Sat 29-Dec-12 14:51:44

Do you provide him with your new boyfriends address and contact details too op?

MOSagain Sat 29-Dec-12 16:32:24

I don't think the OP was saying she takes the children to her boyfriend's house for a week.

ChocHobNob Sat 29-Dec-12 19:45:33

Could an NRP without any residence orders in place refuse to return a child to the PWC if they found out that the PWC took the child somewhere else overnight to stay and didn't inform them? Is it only PWCs who warrant this information? Because if the NRP is having every other weekend contact, the PWC could quite easily take the child away during their time and not even think about telling the NRP or giving an address. What would the NRP have to do then if something happened?

As long as he is contactable by phone is it really a problem? I can see where Allnew is coming from.

balia Sun 30-Dec-12 13:35:04

As you say, there is nothing you can do about it now. Assuming there are no issues/concerns about the safety of the children or whether they will be returned, you will just have to wait until they return.

Is contact the rest of the time OK? Would mediation be appropriate to deal with issues or is it only this issue that is a problem? Are you expecting him to provide you with details of every place he stays overnight with the kids? Do you do the same for him?

I just think if things are going OK generally then it would be a massive over-reaction to refuse access, and something that would punish the children. I really don't think you should threaten contact with someone's children to force them to do things you want them to do, even if you think those things are reasonable.

digerd Sun 30-Dec-12 18:37:02

He's been seeing this new woman for only 6 months. Op, I am with you on this entirely.

digerd Sun 30-Dec-12 18:39:51

oops maths wrong. He's been with her 12 months. You still should know where your dcs are stayingwhile away from you.

NotaDisneyMum Sun 30-Dec-12 18:53:47

You still should know where your dcs are staying while away from you.

Why? I know it sounds like a very basic question, but why? Why would a court see this as necessary?
He is their Dad, he has PR and the OP does not believe that the DC's are at risk in his care. (If she did, then the courts would be asking the OP a very different question).

The OP has not said that there are any court orders restricting contact, or even setting out residency, so why does the OP need to know where her DC's are when they are in the care of their other parent - who is equal to her in the eyes of the law?

Oh, I understand the emotional reasons why, it's loaded! But legally, there is absolutely no need for the OP to know her DC's location when they are in the care of their Dad, and I see no reason why a court would order this as a requirement of contact.

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