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(9 Posts)
Picturesinthefirelight Wed 28-Nov-12 11:50:52

YANBU. My 11 year old does not have email. She dies however have an iPod with FaceTime on which she can use at home to FaceTime her dad when he is away.

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 28-Nov-12 11:45:45

Let him have the email. Pick your battles, this isn't the one.

prh47bridge Wed 28-Nov-12 11:37:43

A contact order is not about permitting your ex to have some limited contact with his son. It is about ensuring that your son has contact with his father. Please remember that. Unless the order specifically prohibits contact outside the times specified your ex is not breaking it.

Many (most?) 11 year olds now have email accounts and mobile phones. My 11 year old has both as do all his friends. You may feel your son is too young for these things but you might want to check out how many of his friends already have them. You may be surprised. That doesn't mean you have to buy a mobile for your son or set up an email account for him but you may struggle to justify preventing your ex from doing so.

If your son uses your laptop you can give him his own account and put parental controls in place so that you can check who he is talking to and keep him safe. And you should already have decent antivirus in place on your PC. If you haven't I would get that sorted.

I know you think your ex is being controlling. I strongly suspect he thinks you are being controlling. This shouldn't be about control. It should be about doing what is best for your son.

As your son is now 11 his views would be a major consideration if this went to court. If your son wants to email his father and chat to him via mobile phone it is very likely that the court would allow that. If your son has an email account and/or a mobile he can choose whether or not to use them to talk to his father. Personally I would give him that choice.

Chopstheduck Wed 28-Nov-12 08:18:28

google safe email accounts. AOL I know do filters. Hotmail you used to be able to filter so that only emails from people in your contact list go into you inbox. Set up a safe email account and then let your son speak to his father!

IDontDoIroning Wed 28-Nov-12 08:16:27

Its not unreasonable for a father to want contact with his child.

Why not pre empt these problems and chose your battles for the bigger issues.

Let him have the email and make sure you know the password.

Don't let your ds on the pc when you aren't in the same room. No Facebook etc.

Make sure you have good anti virus, scan and update regulatory - set up as automatic. Set up good parental controls.

Monitor the emails and don't let him open unknown links and spam etc.

In this way you can be seen to be acting reasonably and fairly.

Say no to a mobile at the moment if you feel he is too young, however you could set up Skype as an alternative, and arrange set times for calls.

You can't stop him going to court if he really wants to but if you do the above- he will just look like an idiot.

allnewtaketwo Wed 28-Nov-12 08:16:17

I don't see the problem in letting him have an email account to stay in touch with his father. "Control" works both ways - one could say it is controlling that you won't allow your son to send and receive emails with his father.

Similar re. the court order "I want my x to stick to court order of twice a wk". What is the actual wording of the court order? Does it actually prohobit contact outside of this? I doubt it actually.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 28-Nov-12 08:13:21

You are being ridiculously controlling - I know he did a bad thing but that was a long time ago - your son is 11 and if you try control his relationship with his dad to this extent - one day he will walk with his feet.

titchy Wed 28-Nov-12 08:03:09

Don't see the problem with letting an 11 yo have email tbh. Can you change the password to something only you know then only let your dc check twice a week? (You should know your child's password anyway!)

zara206y Wed 28-Nov-12 07:34:04

My x who when i left abducted our son, kept him for 6 wks, put him in a new school 100 miles away, now is threatening court again cause i am not happy he has set up a email acct for my 11 yr old son. I am not too happy cause previous court says he is allowed to call son twice a wk (wed & sun). I have full residency too. He took me to court about 3 yrs ago, to get allowance to take son abroad and wanted passport. I said no - bearing in mind he told me once he would have him out of the country and i wouldnt know where son was! I was so scarred he would run off with child again. Court said well times have changed and allows passport (he hasnt yet taken him on hols yet). He is encouraging my son to go on the internet and email him, i have read the emails also, x suggests for son to have own mobile too so they can text/call etc. Breaking court order surely? I want my x to stick to court order of twice a wk at the moment, at least till he is a teenager, then im sure it will be out of my control. I worry about internet paedo's etc and virus's, my son opening unknown emails and all that. WHERE DO I STAND? Am i in the wrong? Should i let them email back and forth? My x is always threateneing me with court at every questionable issue. I give in to him all the time, he bullies me, threatens me and reduces me to tears so many times. Do i give in...or go back to court? I am single and on my own, i work 6 hrs a day and live wage packet to packet, i have no savings to pay for court. Yes i could stop my son using my laptop i suppose thats the key here, but he loves going on some internet games specifically designed for kids. I have settings on pc to prevent any invassive games being allowed etc. PLEASE HELP WITH ADVICE I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE THREATS AND HIS CONTROL.

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