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what is minimun access for 4mth old legally

(12 Posts)
bumptobabies Tue 27-Nov-12 11:00:28

have encouraged exp to see ds 3 x week for 2hrs doing the bed routine hes inconsistant, there are a number of issues of him putting his needs before babys to the point of leaving baby with a stranger throwing baby on bed being rough in general, no reasurrance when baby cries telling baby hes fat and daddy wont feed you so much as he needs to loose weight then i find milk poured down the sink list goes on.

exp and i never lived together he was absent most of pregnancy and birth he is not on birth certificate. i dont want him anywhere near our child and i have never left him alone with our baby whilst i think it is important for a child to have a relationship with both parents this is passive agressive abuse so would like to know what is the minimum amount of time he can see child legally.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 27-Nov-12 11:15:39

There is no legal maximum or minimum, and he is physically abusing your baby.

titchy Tue 27-Nov-12 11:18:46

There is no legal minimum. Only a court can decide, should you not be able to decide together (with or without help from mediators), and should he wish to pursue contact.

He curretnly has no PR, but would almost certainly be awarded PR IF you decided to refuse contact and IF he chose to pursue contact through court.

A court would almost certainly never allow such a small baby overnight contact, little and often is deemed best at this age.

What wouild he do if you just refused contact? It would be seen as positive by a court if you were to offer contact, but maybe make it two hours every other morning and see if he turns up. Again if you offered reasonable contact and he didn't take it up a court would not be too pleased. Would he even go to court though?

titchy Tue 27-Nov-12 11:20:40

His manner with your baby is not good, but as you are present I'm not sure why you are letting him chuck milk down the sink, or just making sure he's fed before visits? And how can he be leaving him with strangers if you're there? confused

TunipTheVegedude Tue 27-Nov-12 11:27:13

This sounds quite scary. Don't leave him alone with the baby, and keep a log of everything you're concerned about.

Madlizzy Tue 27-Nov-12 11:46:44

Do not leave him with the baby. He is at risk of injury and is already being physically abused by his father. I would cease contact and get legal advice.

bumptobabies Tue 27-Nov-12 12:43:46

thank you, i was having a bath when he was feeding baby and saw the milk down the sink 18yr old daughter heard his conversation re wieght
re leaving with a stranger he acompanied me to the doctors so sit in the waiting room while i saw doctor i came out he wasnt there didnt let me know where he was my heart was in my mouth, he came round the corner pleased as punch said hed gone to his flat to get his laptop (4th floor) when i asked what he did with the baby he said oh i left him with my neighbour arrrgh so thoughtless his need to get his laptop was all he could think about.

he currently comes over mon and thur 6pm-8pm supervised i find it stressfull and so does ds id like to cut contact before it escalates think he would be scared to go to court as i would push for a mental health assesment he has personality disorder traits and munchousan traits

titchy Tue 27-Nov-12 12:54:15

I'd send him a letter/email saying you no longer feel comfortable with the way contact is going, and outlien your areas of concern (throwing milk away, rough handling etc).

State you feel that contact outside the house, will be less stressful for all concerned, still supervised by you (or someone else you trust if you don't want to), and suggest 1 hour three times a week in a cafe or something. Somewhere pubic anyway. State you/baby will be available at those times, but no other.

You haven't sadi what his reaction has been to being told he is too rough etc (I assume you have pointed this out?). Also why was he accompanying you tothe GPs? His only contact with you should be with or about your baby.

And yes document everything. Re any MH issues - these need to be supported by a Psych report otherwise it's just your view - and inthe eyes of the law that is of equal value to him saying your an unfit mother - worthless unless properly recorded and documented by a professional.

SamSmalaidh Tue 27-Nov-12 12:58:50

To be honest I would stop contact entirely. Speak to your HV regarding concerns about the abusive behaviour so it is on record somewhere.

Let him go to court if he wants access/PR, push for a MH assessment and supervised contact (contact centre) if and when that happens.

bumptobabies Tue 27-Nov-12 14:32:53

im a mental health proffesional so know the traits inside out.
he was at gps as the apt was at time of visit.
when i point things out to him he storms out or says "hes fine"
im not saying hes unfit as a father as i believe even with a mental health diagnosis people can still do "good enough parenting" however he does need to be supervised as he is boardering on being abusive im keeping a close eye on things.
re visit times he works 8.30-5.30 and baby starts night routine at 6.30 so going out at that time wouldnt work i could sugest he come over 7-8 in the morning

Xenia Tue 27-Nov-12 16:05:36

tity's advice is good.

He doesn't sound up to much. 7 - 8am sounds a pretty difficult time whereas what you are doing now is better.

The bottom line is that the courts rarely jail a parent who allows no contact at all on the other hand plenty of parents run off and never make any effort to see the child and at aleast he is ant it is the only father your child has so perhaps continuing some kind of effort but may be reducing the hours or days is the way. I agree that it would be wise to put in writing those things that are wrong so it is on the record, and keep a copy.

olgaga Tue 27-Nov-12 16:07:41

There is no minimum. A parent who is rough with a baby? Doesn't feed the baby? Sorry that's not "good enough parenting". That's not good enough full stop.

I wouldn't have him anywhere near the child if you aren't able to supervise yourself. Better still, insist that contact takes place at a contact centre? If you're a mental health professional I really can't understand why you're pussyfooting around like this.

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